An EPISTLE from the QLD ARM CHAIR in the SCHOOL Rooм, to Kenyon, Esq. DEAR MR. KENYON, No doubt you will be astonished (and not without reason) at receiving a letter from an "Arm Chair;" but a "Peg-top" has written its adventure—a "Guinea" has done the same; so has a "Pin;" then why should not I? Am I more despicable than these? Certainly not. I acknowledge my chief inducement to address you, was to complain of my grievances, which, as I intend you should hear, forthwith I will begin my history, from my earliest entrance into the world. I was fabricated by a skilful constructor of my species, about a dozen years ago; but, as arm chairs do not keep family bibles, or their birth days, neither are their names entered in the register, I really cannot tell you the exact day of my nativity; but, at all events, since that time, various have been the services I have rendered, and unfeeling the usage I have sustained indeed, several changes have taken place during my existence. : Start not, gentle reader, at seeing me quote Latin, for I am as conversant with the classics, as a cook is with her rolling-pin-as a stage-coachman with the reins, -or a tailor with the shears. I should be the verriest dolt imaginable, were I not imbued with classic lore; for have I not daily heard my rightful master explain many a difficult speech in Thucydides, or passage in Cicero? have I not heard many a page of Euripides construed by his pupils, and many a time witnessed his hearty laugh over the Satires of Juvenal, or Horace? But it is not of him that I now complain: he has always behaved kindly, and even respectfully towards me : No! Of the school-boys I complain, by whom I have been so often maltreated; by whom I have been thrown and beat about just as if I had no feeling. I have, at different times, had two new arms, three new legs, and a new back. I can assure you there is hardly an atom of my original remaining. Once I underwent the indignity of having one of the above-mentioned arms wrenched off, by an unfeeling vagabond, to make himself a club. I can remember having heard his name mentioned, but, upon the honor of a chair, it has slipped my remembrance, or I should have entreated you to resent it in a becoming manner. Now, my opinion is, that your schoolfellows ought to show more respect to one, who has already rendered, and still will render, multifarious services. On me, when the snow drives, and the winter winds are cold, many a one has sat before a blazing fire, and enjoyed the cheerful warmth. On me, at the approach of the Christmas holidays, has many a joyful school-boy inharmoniously screeched out the "Dulce Domum.' On me, the Sunday fop, (after having carefully wiped down my pulverulent superficies) has sat, admiring his foot, which is tightly pinched in a new Wellington; and, as Euripides expresses it, on a somewhat similar occasion, πολλακις τενον ες ορθον ομμασι σκοπέμενος. On me, when "Solvitur acris hyems grata vice veris," the book-worm has carefully perused the inestimable gems of poetry. But, Sir, I have very often seen a small duodecimo blue covered book, which I have heard called the " Horæ Sarisburienses," and I understand it is written by some of your schoolfellows. Various have been the opinions concerning this work. The surly and illiterate have declared that it was great nonsense, and not worth perusal; whilst others, who have been more kindly disposed, have considered that it reflects credit on the members of a private school. I have often caught the names of Seymour, Charles Dashwood, and Wentworth, conjointly with your's, as contributors to this work. By-the-bye, I can remember, about two months ago, a boy, by name Archibald Mytton, flinging himself down, without mercy, upon me, with pencil and paper in his hands, to write most furiously. Many a time have the merits of the "Etonian," and the "Eton Miscellany," been canvassed, and often has the name of "Peregrine Courtenay," and " Bartholomew Bouverie" (who, I understood, are the conductors of the above-mentioned works) reached my ears. One day, I can remember hearing a boy, called “Darlington," very vehemently defend the "Eton Miscellany" against some who have been inclined to abuse it. The Etonian" was unanimously praised. I have, moreover, often borne the weight of the tried cricketer or pedestrian, after a long walk. On one occasion, they were determined to make use of me, to chair a schoolfellow of long standing, who was about to leave school; but, as he was averse to the proceedings, I was spared that disagreeable office, for I am sure I should not have escaped sundry damages from their inexperienced hands. I could relate a thousand other purposes for which I have been used, and enumerate twice as many indignities I have suffered, but as I already hear you exclaim "Cur me querelis exanimas tuis," I shall conclude, by entreating you to exhort your schoolfellows to use me better in future. I am, dear Sir, Your's respectfully, "MAGISTRI SELLA." I here inform the unlearned, and those of the fair sex who are not blues, that the meaning of those two Latin words, is "The chair of a master." E'EN BLISS-'TWERE WOE ALONE TO BEAR. GIAOUR. Oh Mytton! fie upon thee, Mytton! Or, if not this, some grov'ling swain, Dar'd love's pure name with vice to stain; Mytton, go to-thy ev'ry line Had I a thousand tongues, how weak To tell thy praise in humble lay, Grateful, we hail, all-sacred Love, To raise his thoughts the nearest heav'n : And drive the savage from his breast: Yes, love it is, whose mystic pow'r To mortals brings that sacred hour, |