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That 25 Pollio might, in Singing, win the Prize;

Pollio the Dear, the Darling of her Eyes:

She pray'd, and brib'd; what cou'd the more have done For a fick Husband, or an only Son?

With her Face veil'd, and heaving up her Hands,

The fhameless Suppliant at the Altar stands;
The Forms of Pray'r fhe folemnly pursues ;
And, pale with Fear, the offer'd Intrails views.
Anfwer, ye Pow'rs: For, if you heard her Vow,
Your Godfhips, fure, had little elfe to do.

This is not all; for 26 Actors, they implore:
An Impudence not known to Heav'n before.
Th'27 Arufpex, tir'd with this Religious Rout,
Is forc'd to ftand fo long, he gets the Gout.
But fuffer not thy Wife abroad to roam,
If the loves Singing, let her fing at home;
Not strut in Streets, with Amazonian Pace;
For that's to Cuckold thee before thy Face.

Their endless Itch of News comes next in play;
They vent their own; and hear what others fay.
Know what in Thrace, or what in France is done;
Th' Intriegues betwixt the Stepdam, and the Son.
Tell who loves who, what Favours fome partake:
And who is Jilted for another's fake.

What pregnant Widow in what Month was made;
How oft fhe did, and doing, what she said.

She, first, beholds the raging Comet rife:
Knows whom it threatens, and what Lands destroys.
Still for the newest News fhe lies in wait;
And takes Reports, juft ent'ring at the Gate.
Wrecks, Floods, and Fires; whatever the can meet,
She spreads; and is the Fame of ev'ry Street.

25 A famous Singing Boy. 26 That fuch an Actor whom they love might win the Prize.

27 He who infpects the Intrails of the Sacrifice, and from thence foretells the Succefs.

E 5

This

This is a Grievance; but the next is worse;
A very Judgment, and her Neighbours Curfe:
For, if their Barking Dog difturb her Ease,
No Pray'r can bind her, no Excufe appease.
Th' unmanner'd Malefactor is arraign'd;

But firft the Mafter, who the Curr maintain'd,
Must feel the Scourge: By Night the leaves her Bed,
By Night her Bathing Equipage is led,

That marching Armies a lefs Noise create;

She moves in Tumult, and fhe fweats in State,
Mean-while, her Guefts their Appetites must keep; ;
Some gape for Hunger, and fome gafp for Sleep.
At length fhe comes, all flush'd; but ere fhe fup,
Swallows a fwinging Preparation-Cup;
And then to clear her Stomach, fpews it up.
The Deluge-Vomit all the Floor o'erflows,
And the four Savour naufeates ev'ry Nose.
She drinks again; again fhe fpews a Lake;
Her wretched Husband fees, and dares not speak::
But mutters many a Curse against his Wife;
And damns himself for chufing fuch a Life.

But of all Plagues, the greatest is untold;
The Book-learn'd Wife in Greek and Latin bold
The Critick-Dame, who at her Table fits:
Homer and Virgil quotes, and weighs their Witss
And pities Dido's Agonizing Fits.

She has fo far th' Afcendant of the Board,
The prating Pedant puts not in one Word:
The Man of Law is Non-pluft, in his Sute;
Nay, ev'ry other Female Tongue is mute.
Hammers, and beating Anvils, you wou'd swear,
And 8 Vulcan with his whole Militia there.

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28 The God of Smiths.

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Tabors 29 and Trumpets ceafe; for she alone
Is able to redeem the lab'ring Moon.

Ev'n Wit's a Burthen, when it talks too long:
But she who has no Continence of Tongue,

Should walk in Breeches, and fhou'd wear a Beard;
And mix among the Philofophick Herd.

O what a midnight Curfe has he, whofe Side
Is pester'd with a 30 Mood and Figure-Bride!
Let mine, ye Gods! (if fuch must be my Fate)
No Logick Learn, nor History translate;
But rather be a quiet, humble Fool:

I hate a Wife to whom I go to School,

Who climbs the Grammar-Tree, diftinctly knows
Where Noun, and Verb, and Participle grows;
Corrects her Country-Neighbour; and, a-bed,
For breaking 31 Prifcian's, breaks her Husband's Head.
The gawdy Goffip, when he's fet agog,
In Jewels dreft, and at each Ear a Bob,
Goes flaunting out, and in her trim of Pride,
Thinks all the fays or does, is juftify'd,
When poor, fhe's fcarce a tolerable Evil;
But rich, and fine, a Wife's a very Devil.

She duely, once a Month, renews her Face;
Mean time, it lies in Dawb, and hid in Grease;
Those are the Husband's Nights; fhe craves her due,
He takes fat Kiffes, and is stuck in Glue.
But to the Lov'd Adult'rer when she steers,
Fresh from the Bath, in Brightness she appears:

29 The Ancients thought that with fuch Sounds they could bring the Moon out of her Eclipfe.

30 A Woman who has learn'd Logick.

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31 A Woman Grammarian, who corrects her Husband for speaking false Latin, which is call'd breaking Prifcian's Head,

For

For him the rich Arabia fweats her Gum;
And precious Oils from diftant Indies come:
How Haggardly foe'er fhe looks at home.
Th' Eclipfe then vanishes; and all her Face
Is open'd, and reftor'd to ev'ry Grace,

The Cruft remov'd, her Cheeks as smooth as Silk,
Are polish'd with a Wafh of Affes Milk;
And shou'd she to the fartheft North be sent,
A Train 32 of these attend her Banishment.
But hadft thou feen her plaifter'd up before,
'Twas fo unlike a Face, it feem'd a Sore.

'Tis worth our while, to know what all the Day
They do, and how they pass their time away.
For, if o'er-night the Husband has been flack,
Or counterfeited Sleep, and turn'd his Back,
Next day, be fure, the Servants go to wrack.
The Chamber-maid and Dreffer, are call'd Whores;
The Page is ftript, and beaten out of doors.
The whole Houfe fuffers for the Master's Crime:
And he himself is warn'd, to wake another time.
She hires Tormentors by the Year; she treats
Her Vifitors, and talks; but ftill fhe beats.
Beats while the paints her Face, furveys her Gown,
Cafts up the Day's Account, and still beats on:
Tir'd out, at length, with an outrageous Tone,
She bids 'em, in the Devil's Name, be gone.
Compar'd with fuch a proud, infulting Dame,
Sicilian 33 Tyrants may renounce their Name.
For, if the haftes abroad, to take the Air,
Or goes to fis' Church (the Bawdy-house of Pray'r)
She hurries all her Handmaids to the Task;

Her Head, alone, will twenty Dreffers ask.

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32 A Train of thefe. That to a Proverb in Latin for their

is, of She-Affes.

33 Sicilian Tyrants, are grown

7

Cruelty,

Pfecas,

Plecas, the Chief, with Breaft and Shoulders bare,
Trembling, confiders ev'ry facred Hair;
If any Stragler from his Rank be found,
A Pinch muft, for the Mortal Sin, compound.
Plecas is not in fault: But in the Glass,
The Dame's offended at her own ill Face.
The Maid is banifh'd; and another Girl
More dext'rous, manages the Comb and Curl;
The reft are fummon'd on a point fo nice;
And firft, the grave old Woman gives Advice.
The next is call'd, and fo the turn goes round,
As each for Age, or Wisdom, is renown'd:
Such Counsel, fuch delib'rate Care they take,
As if her Life and Honour lay at stake:

With 34 Curls on Curls, they build her Head before,
And mount it with a formidable Tow'r.

A Gyantefs the feems; but look behind,
And then the dwindles to the Pigmy kind.
Duck-legg'd, fhort-wafted, fuch a Dwarf fhe is,
That the muft rife on Tip-toes for a Kiss.
Mean-while, her Husband's whole Eftate is spent!
He may go bare, while the receives his Rent.
She minds him not; fhe lives not as a Wife,
But like a Bawling Neighbour, full of Strife:
Near him, in this alone, that fhe extends
Her Hate to all his Servants and his Friends.
Bellona's Priefts, an Eunuch at their Head,
About the Streets a mad Proceffion lead;
The 35 Venerable Guelding, large, and high,
O'erlooks the Herd of his inferior Fry.
His aukward Clergy-men about him prance;
And beat the Timbrels to their Myftick Dance,

34 This dreffing up the Head. 35 Bellona's Priests were a fohigh, which we call a Tow'r, fort of Fortune-tellers, and the was an ancient way amongft High Prieft an Eunuch.

the Romans,

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