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Tabors 29 and Trumpets cease; for she alone
Is able to redeem the lab'ring Moon.
Ev'n Wit's a Burthen, when it talks too long:
But she who has no Continence of Tongue,
Should walk in Breeches, and should wear a Beard;
And mix among the Philosophick Herd.
O what a midnight Curse has he, whose Side
Is pefter'd with a 3o Mood and Figure-Bride!
Let mine, ye Gods! (if such must be my Fate)
No Logick Learn, nor History translate;
But rather be a quiet, humble Fool:
I hate a Wife to whom I go to School,
Who climbs the Grammar. Tree, diftinctly knows
Where Noun, and Verb, and Participle grows;
Corrects her Country-Neighbour ; and, a-bed,
For breaking 31 Priscian's, breaks her Husband's Head.
The gawdy Gossip, when the's set agog,
In Jewels drest, and at each Ear a Bob,
Goes flaunting out, and in her trim of Pride,
Thinks all the fays or does, is juftify'd,
When poor, she's scarce a tolerable Evil;
But sich, and fine, a Wife's a very Devil.
She duely, once a Month, renews her Face;
Mean time, it lies in Dawb, and hid in Grease;
Those are the Husband's Nights; she craves her due,
He takes fat Kisses, and is stuck in Glue,
But to the Lov'd Adult'rer when she steers,
Fresh from the Bath, in Brightness. She appears:
29 The Ancients thought 31 A Woman Grammarian, that with such Sounds they who correas her Husband for could bring the Moon out of speaking false Latin, which her Eclipse.
is calld breaking Prifcian's 30 A Woman who has learp'd Head Logick,
For him the rich Arabia sweats her Gum;
And precious Oils from distant Indies come:
How Haggardly foe'er she looks at home.
Th' Eclipse then vanishes; and all her Face
Is open'd, and restor'd to ev'ry Grace,
The Crust remov'd, her Cheeks as smooth as Silk,
Are polish’d with a Wash of Afles Milk;
And shou'd she to the farthest North be sent,
A Train 32 of these attend her Banishment.
But hadst thou seen her plaister'd up before,
'Twas so unlike a Face, it seem'd a Sore.
ofis worth our while, to know what all the Day
They do, and how they pass their time away.
For, if o'er-night the Husband has been Nack,
Or counterfeited Sleep, and turn'd his Back,
Next day, be sure, the Servants go to wrack.
The Chamber-maid and Dresser, are callid whores;
The Page is stript, and beaten out of doors.
The whole House suffers for the Master's Crime:
And he himself is warn’d, to wake another time.
She bires Tormentors by the Year; she treats
Her Visitors, and talks; but still the beats.
Beats while the paints her Face, surveys her Gown,
up the Day's Account, and till beats on:
Tir'd out, at length, with an outrageous Tone,
She bids 'em, in the Devil's Name, be gone.
Compar'd with such a proud, insulting Dame,
Sicilian 33 Tyrants may renounce their Namc.
For, if she haftes abroad, to take the Air,
Or goes to lsis' Church (the Bawdy-house of Pray’r)
She hurries all her Handmaids to the Task;
Her Head, alone, will twenty Dressers ask.
32 A Train of these. That to a Proverb in Latin for theis is, of She-Affes.
Cruelty, 33 Sicilian Tyrants, are grown 7
Psecas, the Chief, with Breast and Shoulders bare,
Trembling, confiders ev'ry facred Hair;
If any Stragler from bis Rank be found,
A Pinch must, for the Mortal Sin, compound,
Plecas is not in fault: But in the Glass,
The Dame's offended at her own ill Face.
The Maid is banish'd; and another Girl
More dexe’rous, manages the Comb and Curl;
The rest are summond on a point fo nice;
And first, the grave old woman gives Advice.
The next is callid, and so the turn goes round,
As each for Age, or Wisdom, is renown'd:
Such Counsel, such delib'rate Care they take,
As if ber Life and Honour lay at stake:
Witb 34 Curls on Curls, they build her Head before,
And mount it with a formidable Tow'r.
A Gyantess she seems; but look behind,
And then she dwindles to the Pigmy kind.
Duck-leggʻd, short-wasted, fuch a Dwarf she is,
That she must rise on Tip-toes for a Kiss.
Mean-while, her Husband's whole Eftate is spent!
He may go bare, while she receives his Rent.
She minds him not; fhe lives not as a Wife,
But like a Bawling Neighbour, full of Strife:
Near him, in this alone, that she extends
Her Hate to all his Servants and his Friends.
Bellona's Priests, an Eunuch at their Head,
About the Streets a mad Procession lead;
The 35 Venerable Guelding, large, and high,
D'erlooks the Herd of his inferior Fry.
His aukward Clergy-men about him prance ;
And beat the Timbrels to their Mystick Dance,
34 This dressing up the Head 35 Bellona's Priests were a Tobigh, which we call a Tow'r, forç of Fortune-tellers, and the . kas an ancient way among High Priest an Eunuch.
Guiltless of Testicles, they tear their Throats,
And squeak, in Treble, their unmanly Notes.
Mean-while, bis Cheeks the Mitred Prophet swells,
And dire Presages of the Year foretels.
Unless with Eggs (his Priestly Hire) they halte
To expiate, and avert th' Autumnal Blast.
And 36 add belide a murrey-colour'd Veft,
Which, in their places, may receive the Pest:
And, thrown into the Flood, their Crimes may bear,
To purge th' unlucky Omens of the Year.
Th’altonisht Matrons pay, before the rest;
That Sex is still obnoxious to the Priest.
Thro’ye they beat, and plunge into the Stream,
If so the God has warn'd 'em in a Dream.
Weak in th:ir Limbs, but in Devotion strong,
On their bare Hands and Feet they crawl along
A whole Field's length, the laughter of the Throng.
Shou'd Io (lo's Priest I mean) command
A Pilgrimage to Meröe's burning Sand,
Thro Desarts they wou'd seek the secret Spring;.
A Holy Water for Luftration bring.
How can they pay their Prieits too much Refpect;.
Who trade with Heav'n, and Earthly Gains neglect ?
With him, Domestick Gods discourse by Night:
By Day, attended by his Choir in white,
The Bald-pare Tribe runs madding throʻ the Street,
And smile to see with how much ease they Cheat.
The Ghostly Sire forgives the Wife's Delights,
Who fins, thro' Frailty, on forbidden Nights;
And tempts her Husband in the Holy time,
When Carnal Pleasure is, a Mortal Crime,
36 And add befide, &c. A River; and that, they thought, Garment was given to the bore all the sins of the People, Priests which he threw into the which were drown’d wish ite
The Sweating Image fhakes his Head, but he
With mumbled Pray’rs attenes the Deity.
-- The Pious Priesthood the fat Goofe receive,
And they once brib'd, the Godhead must forgive.
No sooner these remove, but full of Fear.,
A Gypsie fewefs whispers in your Ear,
And begs an Alms: An High-Prieft's Daughter shey
Vers'd in their Talmud, and Divinity,
And Prophelies beneath a shady Tree.
Her Goods a Basket, and old Hay her Bed,
She Itrouls, and Telling Fortunes gains her Bread:
Farthings, and some small Monies, are her Fees; = Yet The Interprets all your Dreams for these.
Foretels th’ Estate, when the Rich Unele dies,
And sees a Sweet-heart in the Sacrifice.
Such Toys, a Pidgeon's Intrails can disclofe:
th' Armenian Augur far out-goes::
In Dogs, a Việtim more obscene, he, rakes;
And murder'a Infants for Inspection takes:
For Gain, his impious Practice he pursues ;
For Gain will his Accomplices accufe.
È More Credit, yet, is to 37 Chaldeans giv'n ;
What they foretel, is deem'd the Voice of Heav'n.
Their Answers, as from Hammon's Altar, come;
Since now the Delphian Oracles are dumb,
And Mankind, ignorant of future Fate,
Believes what fond Astrologers relate.
Of these, the most in vogue.is he, who fent
Beyond Seas, is returu'd from Banishment,
His Art who to 38 aspiring Otho fold;
And sure Succession to the Crown foretold,
For his Esteem is in his Exile plac'd 3
The more Believ:d, the more he was Disgrac'd.
37-Chaldeans-are thought to the Empire; which was fores have been the first Aftrologers, cold him by an Afrologer.. jOsho fusseeded. Galbain