That 25 Pollio might, in Singing, win the Prize;
Pollio the Dear, the Darling of her Eyes:
She pray'd and brib'd; what cou'd fhe more have done
For a fick Husband, or an only Son?
With her Face veil'd, and heaving up her Hands,
The fhameless Suppliant at the Altar stands;
The Forms of Pray'r fhe folemnly pursues;
And, pale with Fear, the offer'd Intrails views.
Answer, ye Pow'rs: For, if you heard her Vow,
Your Godfhips, fure, had little else to do.
This is not all; for 26 Actors they implore:
An Impudence not known to Heav'n before.
Th' 27 Arufpex, tir'd with this Religious Rout,
Is forc'd to ftand fo long, he gets the Gout.
But fuffer not thy Wife abroad to roam;
If fhe loves Singing, let her fing at home;
Not ftrut in Streets, with Amazonian Pace;
For that's to Cuckold thee before thy Face.
Their endless Itch of News comes next in play;
They vent their own; and hear what others say.
Know what in Thrace, or what in France is done;
Th' Intrigues betwixt the Stepdam and the Son.
Tell who loves who, what Favours fome partake:
And who is Jilted for another's fake.
What pregnant Widow in what Month was made:
How oft fhe did, and doing, what she said.
She, firft, beholds the raging Comet rise:
Knows whom it threatens, and what Lands destroys.
Still for the newest News she lies in wait;
And takes Reports juft ent'ring at the Gate.
Wrecks, Floods, and Fires; whatever the can meet,
She spreads and is the Fame of ev'ry Street.
F25 A famous Singing Boy.
26 That such an Actor whom they love might win the Prize.
27 He who infpects the Intrails of the Sacrifice, and from thence foretells the Succefs.
They live beyond their flint; as if their Store
The more exhaufted, wou'd encrease the more:
Some Men, inftructed by the Lab'ring Ant,
Provide against th' Extremities of Want;
But Womankind, that never knows a Mean,
Down to the Dregs their finking Fortune drain:
Hourly they give, and spend, and waste, and wear;
And think no Pleasure can be bought too dear.
There are who in foft Eunuchs place their Bliss;
To fhun the Scrubbing of a bearded Kifs,
And 'scape Abortion; but their folid Joy
Is 23 when the Page, already paft a Boy,
Is Capon'd late; and to the Gelder shown,
With his two Pounders to Perfection grown.
When all the Navel-string cou'd give, appears;
All but the Beard, and that's the Barber's lofs, not theirs.
Seen from afar, and famous for his Ware,
He ftruts into the Bath, among the Fair:
Th' admiring Crew to their Devotions fall:
And, kneeling, on their New 24 Priapus call.
Kerv'd for his Lady's use, and with her lies;
And let him drudge for her, if thou art wise,
Rather than truft him with thy Fav'rite Boy;
He proffers Death, in proff'ring to enjoy.
If Songs they love, the Singer's Voice they force
Beyond his Compass, 'till his Quail Pipe's hoarse;
His Lute and Lyre with their Embrace is worn;
With Knots they trim it, and with Gems adorn:
Run over all the Strings, and Kiss the Cafe;
And make Love to it, in the Master's place.
A certain Lady once of high Degree,
To Janus Vow'd, and Vefta's Deity,
23 He taxes Women with their loving Eunuchs, who can get no Children; but adds, that they only love fuch Eu
nuchs as are gelded when they are already at the Age of Manhood..
24 The God of Luft.
That 25 Pollio might, in Singing, win the Prize;
Pollio the Dear, the Darling of her Eyes:
She pray'd and brib'd; what cou'd fhe more have done
For a fick Husband, or an only Son?
With her Face veil'd, and heaving up her Hands,
The shameless Suppliant at the Altar stands;
The Forms of Pray'r fhe folemnly pursues;
And, pale with Fear, the offer'd Intrails views.
Answer, ye Pow'rs: For, if you heard her Vow,
Your Godships, fure, had little else to do.
This is not all; for 26 Actors they implore:
An Impudence not known to Heav'n before.
Th' 27 Arufpex, tir'd with this Religious Rout,
Is forc'd to ftand fo long, he gets the Gout.
But fuffer not thy Wife abroad to roam;
If she loves Singing, let her fing at home;
Not ftrut in Streets, with Amazonian Pace;
For that's to Cuckold thee before thy Face.
Their endless Itch of News comes next in play;
They vent their own; and hear what others fay.
Know what in Thrace, or what in France is done;
Th' Intrigues betwixt the Stepdam and the Son.
Tell who loves who, what Favours fome partake:
And who is Jilted for another's fake.
What pregnant Widow in what Month was made:
How oft fhe did, and doing, what she said.
She, firft, beholds the raging Comet rise:
Knows whom it threatens, and what Lands deftroys.
Still for the newest News fhe lies in wait;
And takes Reports juft ent'ring at the Gate.
Wrecks, Floods, and Fires; whatever she can meet,
She spreads and is the Fame of ev'ry Street.
25 A famous Singing Boy. 26 That fuch an Actor whom they love might win the Prize.
27 He who infpects the Intrails of the Sacrifice, and from thence foretells the Succefs.
This is a Grievance; but the next is worse;
A very Judgment, and her Neighbours Curfe:
For, if their Barking Dog difturb her Ease,
No Pray'r can bind her, no Excuse appease.
Th' unmanner'd Malefactor is arraign'd;
But first the Mafter, who the Curr maintain'd,
Muft feel the Scourge: By Night fhe leaves her Bed,
By Night her Bathing Equipage is led,
That marching Armies a lefs Noise create;
She moves in Tumult, and she sweats in State.
Mean-while, her Guefts their Appetites must keep;
Some gape for Hunger, and fome gafp for Sleep.
At length fhe comes, all flush'd; but ere she sup,
*Swallows a swinging Preparation-Cup ;
And then to clear her Stomach, fpews it up.
The Deluge-Vomit all the Floor o'erflows,
And the four Savour nauseates ev'ry Nose.
She drinks again; again fhe fpews a Lake;
Her wretched Husband fees, and dares not speak :
But matters many a Curse against his Wife;
And damns himself for chufing such a Life.
But of all Plagues, the greatest is untold;
The Book-learn'd Wife in Greek and Latin bold.
The Critick-Dame, who at her Table fits:
Homer and Virgil quotes, and weighs their Wits;
And pities Dido's Agonizing Fits.
She has fo far, th' Afcendant of the Board,
The prating Pedant puts not in one Word:
The Man of Law is Non pluft, in his Sute;
Nay, ev'ry other Female Tongue is mute.
Hammers, and beating Anvils, you wou'd fwear,
And 28 Vulcan with his whole Militia there.
Tabors 29 and Trumpets ceafe; for she alone
Is able to redeem the lab'ring Moon.
Ev'n Wit's a Burthen, when it talks too long:
But the who has no Continence of Tongue,
Should walk in Breeches, and fhou'd wear a Beard;
And mix among the Philofophick Herd.
O what a midnight Curfe has he, whose Side
Is pefter'd with a 3 Mood and Figure Bride!
Let mine, ye Gods! (if fuch must be my Fate)
No Logick Learn, nor History translate;
But rather be a quiet, humble Fool:
I hate a Wife to whom I go to School,
Who climbs the Grammar-Tree, diftinctly knows
Where Noun, and Verb, and Participle grows;
Corrects her Country-Neighbour; and, a bed,
For breaking 31 Prifcian's breaks her Husband's Head.
The gawdy Goffip, when she's fet agog,
In Jewels dreft, and at each Ear a Bob,
Goes flaunting out, and in her trim of Pride,
Thinks all the fays or does, is juftify'd.
When poor, fhe's scarce a tolerable Evil;
But rich, and fine, a Wife's a very Devil.
She duely, once a Month, renews her Face;
Mean time, it lies in Dawb, and hid in Grease;
Those are the Husband's Nights; fhe craves her Due,
He takes fat Kiffes, and is ftuck in Glue.
But to the Lov'd Adult'rer when the fteers,
Fresh from the Bath, in Brightness she appears:
31 A Woman Grammarian, who corrects her Husband for fspeaking false Latin, which is call'd breaking Prifcian's
29 The Ancients thought that with fuch Sounds they could bring the Moon out of her Eclipfe. 30 A Woman who has learn'd Head. Logick.
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