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TO TUZ RIGHT HONOURABLE
THE LATE EARL OF
*, Upon bis difputing publicly at Christ Church, Oxford.
THE MAD LOVER. I'll from my brealt tear fond desire,
Since Laura is not mine :
And quench the flame with wine.
Perhaps in groves and cooling shade
Soft flumbers I may find :
Shall vanish with the wind.
My passion may remove :
And is the food of love.
Muse, to thy master's lodgings quickly Ay,
“ Thuld be “ In this confesiion pleasure ev'n to me. [barr'd, “ With well wrought terms my huld I strongly “ And rough distinctions were my surly guard. “ Whilft I, sure of my cause, this strength possess; “ A noble youth, advancing with address, “ Led glittering falsehood on with so much art, “ That I foon felé sad omens in my heart. “ Words with that grace,” said I, “ must needs
persuade ; “ I find myself insensibly betray'd. “ Whilit he pursues his conquest, I retreat, “ And by that name would palliate my defeat.
“ Bu here methinks I do the prospect see “ Of all those triumphs he prepares for me, “ When virtue or when innocence opprest
Fly for sure refuge to his generous breast; “ When with à noble mien his youth appears, “ And gentle voice persuades the listening peers.
Judges shall wonder when he clears the laws,
" cause : “ Then, by his aid, aid that can never fail, (vail : “ Ev'n I, though conquer'd now, thall sure pre« Thousands of wreaths to me he shall repay, « For that one laurel error wcars to day.”
I'll search heaven, earth, hell, seas, and air,
And that shall set me free:
Where Laura will not be
And with frefb torment rave :
That once was Laura's slave.
A GENTLEMAN TO HIS WIFE.
When your kind wishes first I fought,
'I'was in the dawn of youth : I toasted you, for you I fought,
But never thought of truth.
I griev'd to be denied :
“ You'd guard your heart with pride."
THE SOLDIER'S WEDDING. A SOLILOQUY BY NAN TARASIEWILL. Being part of a Play, called, " The Nese Tras.* O my dear Thrasherwell, you're gone to fea, ? And happiness must ever banish'd be From our flock-bed, our garret, and from me! Perhaps he is on land at Portsmouth now In the embraces of some Hampshire low, Who, with a wanton pat, cries, " Now, my dez, “ You're wishing for some Wapping doxy here."“ Pox on them all! but moft on bouncing Nan, “ With whom the torments of my life began : “ She is a bitter one !"-You lie, you rogue; You are a treacherous, false, ungrateful dog. Did not I take you np without a shirt ? Woe worth the hand that scrubbid off all your Did not my intereft lift you in the guard? And had not you fer shillings, my reward? Did I not then, before the ferjeant's face, (grace? Treat Jack, Toni, Will, and Martin, with a And Thrasherwell before all others chooie, When I had the whole regiment to louse. Curs'd be che day when you produc'd your (word, The just revenger of your injur'd word: The martial youth round in a circle food, With envious looks of love, and itchicg blood : You, with fome oaths that signified confent, Cried “ Tom is Nan's :" and o'er che sword you Then I with some more modesty would tep: The enfiga thump'd niy hum, and made me leap I leap'd indeed; and you prevailing men Leave us no power of leaping back again.
1, that once feign'd too many lies,
In height of pasion swore, By you and other deities,
That I would range no more.
I've sworn, and therefore now am fix'd,
No longer false and vain :
And both shall ever reign.
Probably Jamnes the third earl of Angleses.
But now Sue's patience did begin to wale; THE OLD CHEESË.
Nor longer could diflimulation last.
" Pray let me rise,” says Sue,“ my dear; I'll find Young Slouch, the farmer, had a jolly wise, “ A cheese perhaps may be to lovy's mind." That knew all the conveniencies of life,
Then in an entry, standing close, where he Whose diligence and cleanliness fapplied
Alone, and none of all his friends, might see; The wit which Nature had to him denied : And brandishing a cudgel he had felt, But then she had a tongue that wouid be heard, And far enough on this occafion smelt; And make a better man than Slouch afeard.
“ I'll try, my joy!" she cried, “ if I can please This made cenforious persons of the town
My dearelt with a taste of his old cheese!" Say, Slouch could hardly call his soul his own: Slouch turn'd his head, saw his wife's vigorous For, if he went abroad too much, she'd use
hand To give him Nippers, and lock up his shoes. Wielding her oaken sapling of command, Talking he lov'd, and ne'er was more afflicted Knew well the twang; " Is't the old chcese my Than when he was difturb'd or contradicted :
[“ swear, Yet fill into his story she would break
“ No need, no need of cheese," cries Slouch:“ I'll With, “ 'Tis not fompray give me leave to speak." | " I think I've din'd as well as my lord mayor !". His friends thought this was a tyrannic rule, Not differing much from calling of him fool; Told him, he must exert himself, and le In faá the master of his family.
THE SKILLET. He said, “ That the next Tuesday noon would « fhow
Two neighbours, Clod and jolt, would married Whether he were the lord at home, or no; " When their good company he would entreat
But did not in their choice of wives agree. “ To well-brew'd alc, and clean, if homely, meat.”
Clod thought a cuckold was a monstrous beast, With aching heart home to his wife he goes, With two huge glaring eyes and spreading çrelt: And on his knees does his rash act disclose, Therefore, resolving never to be luch, And prays dear Sukey, that, one day at least,
Married a wife none but himself could touch. He might appear as master of the featt.
Jolt, thinking marsiage was decreed by fate, " I'll grant your wish,” cries she," that you may Which Lhews us whom to love, and whom to hate;
To a young, handsome, jolly lass, made court, * 'Twere wisdom to be govern'd till by me.”
gave his friends convincing reasons for't, The guests upon the day appointed came,
That, since in life such mischief must be had, Each bowly Farmer with his simpering dame. Beauty had something still that was not bad. " Ho! Sue :” crics Slouch, " why dost not thou Within two months, fortune was pleas'd to send “ appear!
[“ here?" A tinker to Clod's house, with “ Brass to mend." “ Are these thy manners when aunt Snap isThe good old wife survey'd the brawny spark, " I pardon alk," says Sue; “ l'd not offend And found his chine was large, though countenance “ Any my dear invites, much less his friend.”
Much time was spent, and much desire exprest : His saying, " There was nothing fit co eat:
At last the tinker cried, “ Few words are best : " The boil'd pork finks, the roast beef's not
“ Give me that skillet chen; and, if I'm truc, enough,
“ I dearly earn it for the work I do." “ The bacon's rusty, and the hens are tough ;. They 'greed; they parted. On the tinker goes, “ The veal's all cags, the butter's turn'd co oil ;
With the same stroke of pan, and twang of nose, " And thus 1 buy good meat for Nuts to spoil. Till he ar Jolt's beheld a sprightly danie 'Tis we are the first Slouches ever fate
That set his native vigour ail on flame. “ Down to a pudding without plumbs or fat.
He looks, fighs, faints, at last begins to cry, " What teeth or ftomach's strong enough to fced
* And can you then let a young tinker die?" Upon a goose my grannum kept to breed?
Says she, " Give me your skillet then, and Why must old pigeons, and they stale, be drest, " When there's so many squab ones in the nett?
“ My skillet! Buth my heart and skillet tåke; " This beer is four; this mully, thick, and sale,
“ I wish it were a copper for your sake." " And worse than any thing, except the Alc."
After all this, not many days did pass, Sue all this while many excuses made:
Clod, fitting at Jolt's house, furvey'd the brass Some things the own'd; at other times she laid And glittering pewter ftanding on the shelf; The fault on chance, but ofteniet on the maid. 3 Then, after some gruff muttering with himself, Then cheese was brought. Says Slouch, “ This Cried, “ Prythee, Jolt, how came that skillet It c'en fhall roll:
[“ mine; " I'm sure 'tis hard enough to make a bowl:
“ You know as well as 1," quoth Jole; “ 't'en's “ This is skim-milk, and therefore it shall go;
“ But I'll ask Nan.” 'Twas done; Nan told the " And this, because 'tis Suffolk, follow too.'
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In truth as 'twas; then cried, “ You've got the In any point could tell you, to a hair, better :
When was a grain of honesty to spare. “ For, tell me, dearest, whether you would choose It happen'd, after prayers, une certain night, “ To be a gainer by me, or to lose.
Ac home he had occafion for a light “ As for our neighbour Clod, this I dare fay, To turn Socinus, Leffius, Escobar, " We're beauty and a skillet more than they." Fam'd Covarruvias, and the great Navarre :
And therefore, as he from the chapel came,
Extinguishing a yellow taper's flame,
By which just now he had devoutly pray'd,
The useful rempant to his feeve convey'd. Tom Binks by native industry was taught There happen'd a physician to be by, The various arts how fishes might be caught. Who thither came but only as a spy. Sometimes with trembling reed and fingle hair, To find out others' faults, but let alone And bait conceal'd, he'd for their death prepare, Repentance for the crimes that were his own. With melancholy thoughts and downcast eyes, This Do&or follow'd Paddy; faid, “ He lacă'i Expedling till deceit had gain'd its prize.
“ To know what made a sacrilegious fa&.” Smreimes in rivulet quick, and water clear, Paddy with studied gravity replies, They'i! meet a fate m se generous from his spear. “ That's as the place or as the matter lies : To basket oft' he'd pliant oziers turn,
“ If from a place unsacred you should take Where they might entrance find, but no return. “ A sacred thing, this facrilege would make; His net well pois'd with lead he'd sometimes “ Or an unsacred thing from sacred place, Encircling thus his captives all below. (throw, « There would be nothing different in the case ; But, when he would a quick destruction make, But, if both thing and place should sacred be, And from afar much larger booty take,
"'T were height of facrilege, as doctors all agree.** He'd through the streani, where most descending, “ Then,” says the doctor, " for more light in
“ A common prayer?" says Paddy," that would Gaiping fur breath, and almost chok'd with mud, 'Till they, of farther passage quite berest, “ A facrilege of an intense degree." Were in the mash with gills entangled left.
“ Suppole that one should in these holidays Trot, who liv'd down the stream, ne'er thought“ Take thence a bunch of rosemary or bays?" his beer
“ I'd not be too cenforious in that case, Was good, unless he had his water clear.
" But 'e would be facrilege still from the place." He goes to Banks, and thus begins his talc :
“ What if a man should from the chapel take “ Lord' if you knew but how the people rail! “ A taper's end : should he a scruple make, “ They cannot boil, nor wash, nor rinse they fay, « 11 homeward to his chambers he thould go, " With water sometimesink and sometimes whey, “ Whether 'twere theft, or sacrilege, or no?" “ According as you meet with mud or clay.
The fly insinuation was perceiv'd: " Besides my wife these six months could not brew, Says Paddy, “ Doctor, you may be deceir’d, “ And now the blame of this all's laid on you : “ Unless in cases you distinguish right; “ For it will be a dismal thing to think
“ But this may be resolv'd at the fire fight. “ Ilcw we old Trots must live, and have no drink “ As to the taper, it could be no theft, “ Therefore, I pray, some other method take “ For i: had done its duty, and was left: Of lithing, were it only for our fake.”
“ And sacrilege in having it is none, Says Banks, " I'm sorry it should be my lot “ Because that in my fleeve I now have one." "Fiver to disoblige my golip Trot: “ Vet 't'en't my fault; but fo 'ris fortune tries one,
THE CONSTABLE. “ To make his meat become his neighbour's poi
One night a fellow wandering without fear, " And so we pray for winds upon this coast,
As void of money as he was of care, By which on t'other havies may be loit.
Considering both were walhd away with beer, “ Therefore in patience relt, though I proceed:
With Strap the confiabie by fortune meets, * Tliere's no ill-nature in the case, but need.
Whose lanterns glare in the mot filent treets, “ Though for your use this water will not ferve,
Resty, impatient any one should be “I'd rather you should choke, than I fould
su bold as to be drink that night but he:
“ Stand; who goes there,” crics Strap, “ ac heurs
“ Answer. Your name; or elle have at your A CASE OF CONSCIENCE.
“I wo'nt stand, 'cause I can't. Why mut you 0:0 Paddy Scot, with none of the bch laces,
6 know Had a must knotty rate at solving cascs;
“ From whence it is come, or where I go?"
725 ** See here my staff," cries Strap; trembling His comrades all obedience to him paid, u behold
In executing what designs he laid : " Its radiant paint, and ornamental gold : 'Twas they should rob the orchard, he'd retire, “ Wooden authority when thus I wield,
His foot was safe whilft their's was in the fire. u Persons of all degrees obedience yield.
He kept them in the dark to that degree, u Then, be you the bett man in all the city, None should presume to be as wise as hc; " Mark me! I to the Counter will commit ye." But, being at the top of all affairs,
“ You! kiss, and so forth. For that never ipare : The profit was his own, the mischief theirs. " If that be all, commit me if you dare;
There fell some words made him begin to doubt, “No person yet, either through fear or shame, The rogues would grow so wise to find him out; “ Durst commit me, that once had heard my He was not pleas'd with this, and so next day
He cries to them, as going just to play, “ Pray then, what is't!"-" My name's ADUL “ What a rare jack-daw's nest is there! look up,
“ You see 'tis almost at the steeple's top."
Says then the fileering spark, with courteous grin,
Nothing more easy; did you never see
" How, in a swarm, bees, hanging bee by bee, From London Paul the carrier coming down
“ Make a long fort of rope below the trče.
“ Why may'nt we do the same, good Mr. John ? To Wantage, meets a beauty of the towa;
“ For that contrivance pray let me alone. They both accost with salutation pretty,
“ Tom shall hold Will, you will, and I'll hold As, “ How do's, Paul?”—“ Thank you: and “how do'st, Betty?".
“ And then I warrant you the thing will do.' “ Didft see our Jack, nor filter? No, you've seen,
“ But, if there's any does not care to try, 4I warrant, none but those who saw the Queen."
“ 'Let us have no jack-daws, and what care I!!! " Many words spoke in jest," says Paul, “ are
That touch'd the quick, and so they foon “ I came from Windsor'; and, if some folksknew
complied, “ As much as I, it might be well for you."
No argument like that was e'er denied, " Lord, Paul! what is'c?”—“Why give me some
And therefore instantly the thing was tried. “ thing for ’t,
They hanging down on frength above depend :
Then to himself mutters their trusty friend, " This kiss; and this. The matter then is short: "The parliament have made a proclamation,
“ The dogs are almost useless grown to me,
“ I ne'er shall have such opportunity “ Which will this week be sent all round the nation; “ That maids with little mouths do all prepare
“ To part with them; and so c'en let them "On Sunday next to coine before the mayor,
go." " And that all bachelors be likewise there :
Then cried aloud," So ho! my lads ! so ho : “For maids with little mouths shall if they please,
“ You're gone, unless you all hold fast below. “ From out of these young men choose two a
They've serv'd my turn, fo 'tis time to drop piece.
“ The devil, if he wants them, let him stop thein." Betty, with bridled chin, extends her face, And then contracts her lips with simpering grace, Cries, “ Hem! pray what must all the huge
THE BEGGAR WOMAN. ones do “ For husbands, when we little mouths have two ?" A GENTLEMAN in hunting rode astray, “ Hold, not so faft," cries he, "pray pardon More out of choice, than that he lost his way: " me :
He let his company the hare pursue, “ Maids with huge, gaping, wide mouths, must
For he himself had other game io view : “ have three."
A beggar by her trade; yet not so mean, Betty distorts her face with hideous squall, But that her cheeks were freth, and linen clean. And mouth of a font wide begins to bawl, “ Mistrels,” quoth he," and what if we two “ Oh! ho! is't fo? The case is alter'd, Paul. “ Retire a little way into the wood." [thould " Is that the point? I wish the three were ten;
She needed not much courtship to be kind, "I warrant I'd find mouth, if they'll find men.' He ambles on before, the trots behiud ;
For little Bobby, to her shoulders bound,
Hiriders the gentle dame from ridding ground.
He often ask'd her to expole, but the
Still fear'd the coming of his company. There was a lad, th' unluckiest of the crew,
Says she, “I know an unfrequented place Was still contriving fon:ething bd, but new.
"To the left hand, where we our time may pass,
“ And the mean while your horse may find * Where Qucen Anne and her Louit frequen iy reide
... Icme grals,"
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Thither they come, and both the horse secure; " Take hens, gesse, turkies, then, or something Then thinks the squire, I have the matter fure.
light, She's ask'd to fit : but then excule is made, 6. Because their legs, if broil'd, will serve at night,
Sitting,” says she, “ 's not usual in my trade : “ And, since I find that roast beef makes you “ Should you be rude, and then should throw me “ Corn it a little more, and so 't will keer: Dery,
(own “ Roast it on Monday, pity it should be spoi'd, " I mighe perhaps brcak more backs than my “ On Tuesday mutton either roast or boil d. He smiling cries, “ Come, I'll the knot untie, "On Wednesday should be some variery, " And, if you mean the child's, we'll lay it by · A loin or breast of veal, and pigeon-pse. Says she, “ That can't be done; for then 'twill “ On Thursday each man of his dish make choice, cry.
“ 'Tis fit on market-days we all rejoice. * Y'd not have as, but chiefly for your fake, " And then on Friday, as I said before, • Discover'd by the hideous noise 'twill make. " We'll have a dish of fish, and one cith more, « Use is another nature, and 't would lack, « On Saturday flew'd beef, and something nice, " More than the breast, its custom to the back." “ Provided quick, and cofs'd up in a trice, 15.6 'Then," says the gentleman, " ! should be loth · Becaule that in the afternoon you know, “ To come so far, and disoblige you boh: (do?"" By cu tom, we must to the ale-house go; * Were the child ried to me, d'ye think 'twould For else how should our houses e'er be cka “ Mighty well, Sir! Oh, Lord ! if tied to you?" Except we gave some time to do it then?
With fpeed incredible to work she goes, “ From whence, unlofs we vakre not our lives, And from her houlder foon the burthen throws; “ None part without remembering first our wirci. Then mounts che infant with a gentle toss
“ Bar these are standing rules for every day, U on her generous friend, and, like a cross, “And very good ones as I fu may say: The sheet she with a dextrous motion winds, “ After each mcal, let's take a hearty cop; Till a firm knot the wandering fabric binds. « And where we dine, 'tis fitting that we fup.
"The genileman had scarce got time to know “ Now for the application, and the use : What she was doing; fe, about to go,
"I fourd your care for Sunday an abnse : Cries, Sir, "good bye; ben't angry that we part, « All would be asking, Pray, Sir, where d' you " I trust the child to you with all riy heart :
* dive? " But, ere you get another, 'ten't amis
“ I have roal bcef, choice venison, turkey, cane: "To try a year or two how you'll keep this." Every one's hauling me. Then fay poorl,
" Je is a bitter business to deny ;
" As for my own part, I had rather ftay, THE VESTRY.
“ And take them now and then, and bere
is and there, Within the fire of Nottingham their lies
" According to niy prefent bill of fare, À parish famd, becaule the inen were wise:
“ You krow l'in firgle: if you all agree Of their own train hey had a teacher kught,
“ To treat by turns, each will be sure of me. Who all his life was better fud ihan tauyht.
The veftry all aprlauded with a ham. It was about a quarter of a year
And the seven wiseft of them bade him come. Si ce he had snor'd, and eat, and fattend there; When he the housekeepers, their wives, and all, Did to a sort of parilh-metting call;
THE MONARCH. Promiling fomething, which, well understood, In lisele time would turn to all their good. When the young people ride the skimmington, + lien met, hệ tiêu harrasugus: Neighbours, There is a general trembling in a town: • 1 fiod,
Not only he for whom the person rides “ That in your principles ou're well inclin'd: Suffers, but they lweep other doors belides; “ But then you're all solicitous for Sunday ;
And by that hieroglyphic does appear “ None seem to have a due regard for Alonday, That the good woman is the matter there. “ Most people then their dinuers have to seek, Ai Jenny's door the barbascus heatheb (wept, " As if 'twere not the first day of the week ; Ana his poor wife scolded until lane wept; " But, when you have hath'd meat, and nothing The mob swept on, whilft ne lene forih in rain more,
Her vocal thunder and her briny rain. " You only curle the day that went before.
Some few days after, i wo young fjarks came there, “ on Tueday all folks dine by one cosent :
And whilft die does her coffee freth prepare, “ And Wednesdays only fait by parliament,
Ove für dilccurse of news the matter calls, " Bur falling ivre lvy Nature de'er was meant
T'other on this ungrateful subject talls. “ The market will for Tucsoay find a dilli,
Pray, Mrs. Jenny, whence came this report, “ And Friday is a proper day for fish;
“ For I believe there's no great reafon fait, “ Atier fath, Saturday requires tume meat;
“ As is the folks t'other day (wept your dret, 4 Ch Saizday you're i bligu by law to treat ;
“ And half a dozen of your neighleurs CI: * Andlie jame law ordailus a pudding ihen, “ 'l here's nothing in t," lays Jeory," tha' is die * To children grateful, bor until for nica. “ Where the wife rules, but here lineals,