of never having preferred a request to one great man, or even making advances of friendship to any of them. As I was now turned of fifty, I thought of paffing all the rest of my life in this philofophical manner, when I received, in 1763, an invitation from the Earl of Hertford, with whom I was not in the least acquainted, to attend him on his embaffy to Paris, with a near prospect of being appointed secretary to the embassy; and, in the meanwhile, of performing the functions of that office. This offer, however inviting, I at first declined, both because I was reluctant to begin connexions. with the great, and because I was afraid that the civilities and gay company of Paris, would prove difagreeable to a person of my age and humour: but on his lordship's repeating the invitation, I accepted of it. I have every reason, both of pleasure and intereft, to think myself happy in my connexions with that nobleman, as well as afterwards with his brother, General Conway. THOSE who have not feen the ftrange effects of modes, will never imagine the reception I met with at Paris, from men and women of all ranks and ftations. The more I refiled from their exceffive civilities, the more I was loaded with them. There is, however, a real fatisfaction in living at Paris, from the great number of fenfible, knowing, and polite company with which that city abounds above all places in the universe. I thought once of fettling there for life. I WAS appointed fecretary to the embaffy; and, in fummer 1765, Lord Hertford left me, being appointed Lord Lieutenant of Ireland. I was chargé d'affaires till the arrival of the Duke b 2 Duke of Richmond, towards the end of the year. In the beginning of 1766, I left Paris, and next fummer went to Edinburgh, with the fame view as formerly, of burying myfelf in a philosophical retreat. I returned to that place, not richer, but with much more money, and a much larger income, by means of Lord Hertford's friendship, than I left it; and I was defirous of trying what fuperfluity could produce, as I had formerly made an experiment of a competency. But in 1767, 1 received from Mr. Conway an invitation to be Underfecretary; and this invitation, both the character of the perfon, and my connexions with Lord Hertford, prevented me from declining. I returned to Edinburgh in 1769, very opulent (for I poffeffed a revenue of 1000l. a year), healthy, and though fomewhat ftricken in years, with the prospect of enjoying long my cafe, and of feeing the increase of my reputation. my IN fpring 1775, I was ftruck with a diforder in my bowels, which at first gave me no alarm, but has fince, as I apprehend it, become mortal and incurable. I now reckon upon a speedy diffolution. I have fuffered very little pain from my disorder; and what is more strange, have, notwithstanding the great decline of my perfon, never fuffered a moment's abatement of fpirits; infomuch, that were I to name the period of my life, which I should moft choose to pafs over again, I might be tempted to point to this later period. I poffefs the same ardour as ever in study, and the same gaiety in company. I confider, besides, that a man of fixty-five, by dying, cuts off only a few of infirmities; and though I fee many symptoms of my years literary reputation's breaking out at laft with additional luftre, I knew 9 ร I knew that I could have but few years to enjoy it. It is difficult to be more detached from life than I am at present. To conclude hiftorically with my own character. I am, or rather was (for that is the ftyle I must now use in speaking of myself, which emboldens me the more to speak my fentiments); I was, I fay, a man of mild difpofition, of command of temper, of an open, focial, and cheerful humour, capable of attachment, but little fufceptible of enmity, and of great moderation in all my paffions. Even my love of literary fame, my ruling paffion, never foured my temper, notwithstanding my frequent disappointments. My company was not unacceptable to the young and carelefs, as well as to the ftudious and literary; and as I took a particular pleasure in the company of modest women, I had no reason to be displeased with the reception I met with from them. In a word, though most men any wife eminent, have found reafon to complain of calumny, I never was touched, or even attacked by her baleful tooth: and though I wantonly expofed myself to the rage of both civil and religious factions, they seemed to be disarmed in my behalf of their wonted fury. My friends never had occafion to vindicate any one circumftance of my character and conduct: not but that the zealots, we may well fuppofe, would have been glad to invent and propagate any story to my disadvantage, but they could never find any which they thought would wear the face of probability. I cannot fay there is no vanity in making this funeral oration of myself, but I hope it is not a misplaced one; and this is a matter of fact which is eafily cleared and ascertained. April 18, 1776.. 1 |