No. 6.]

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"PRAY is Mr. related to you?" Why no, not exactly, but we are the most intimate friends possible. All our tastes suit-our characters fit to a nicety. We are going to make the tour of the Rhine together, and return by Paris. Nothing is wanting to complete the delights of such an expedition but the society of such a friend. Congratulate me; I am the luckiest man in the world!"

"Mr.

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"Boulogne, Sept. 5th.

is your cousin, is he not?" My cousin? No, indeed! We' are not even connexions.".

He is your intimate friend, then?"
By no means!"

"But what is the link between you? You are always together."

"Oh-h-you see-he is my travelling companion. But I am happy to say we cross to Folkestone to-morrow, and then I shall see the last of him. Whichever hotel he selects, I shall go to the other. Never were the pleasures of a tour more effectually marred. We have not an idea in common. Wherever I want to stop, he wants to go on, and vice versá; and as he never gives way, I have been incessantly victimised, except in the very few cases where I made a stand and carried the point (for I hate contention), and then he was sulky for a week. People who think of nothing but their own pleasure, really ought not to travel."

Humph-comme ça, you know; you see, I had my friend Crotchet with me, and he is not exactly the kind of fellow to travel with. He is accustomed to have everything his own way, and really he has such very odd fancies, that at first I could not help, now and then, offering a little gentle opposition. But I soon found it wouldn't do, and as there is nothing on earth I hate so much as quarrelling, I just held my tongue, and let him manage as he liked, except in a very few instances, when really there was no standing it. But if you come to talk of enjoyment, why, you know, there's not much enjoyment in perpetually giving up one's own wishes for the sake of keeping the peace."

Such and so great is the change which a tour of two months will generally work in the feelings of a man towards that much-enduring and much-inflicting being,

[PRICE 1d.

his travelling companion. There is nothing like a tour for testing dispositions, and unmasking characters. Madame de Genlis' vision of the Palace of Truth is realised; and that fabulous metamorphosis, foretold by cold and worldly philosophers as the inevitable result of matrimony, which causes the purest and strongest affection of the human heart to degenerate into an uneasy indifference or a perpetual contention, is far outdone, inasmuch as the time necessary for effecting the transmutation is incalculably shorter. It is curious to trace the steps, at first so gradual, afterwards so rapid, by which this dire result is attained. The polite and cheerful spirit, the celestial unselfishness, the enthusiastic desire to oblige, with which the journey begins! Everything is couleur de rose; the amiable tourists have literally no peculiarities, no wishes, no wants; every contretems is regarded as comic, and the utmost extremity of inconvenience only affords the theme of a joke, or the materials for a pun. She, who in her drawing-room on Chester Terrace was disturbed by the displacement of a ringlet, and absolutely unapproachable by stiff circumference of skirts, the folds of whose dress were as things sacred, and her chaussure a "sight to dream of, not to tell," laughs as she packs herself into the corner of a calèche or diligence, with her basket in her lap, and her bonnet squeezed against the cushion till it looks no-how ; entreats you to settle yourself comfortably, and never mind her dress, for it is of no consequence; or walks recklessly down one of those odorous alleys with sloping sides of muddy pavement, and a nameless stream in the centre, which our brethren of the continent are pleased to call streets, and which, were it in London instead of Rouen, not she only, but even her brother, if he happened to be with her, would pronounce at a glance, to be "quite impassable for a lady." The bon vivant dines merrily on an omelette; the "family man" resigns that accustomed after-dinner nap which includes his whole idea of domestic happiness, without a sigh; the exquisite laughs at having to make his toilette while his dressing case is in the profane hands of the douaniers; and the

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doubtful phrase is generally implied a man who goes regular downright John Bull," (by which somewhat through life with a steady eye to his own personal comfort, and a sturdy resolution to leave others to shift for themselves,) consents to sit bodkin, and put his feet

on a bandbox.

But this blissful state lasts not long, and the disenchantment, once begun, proceeds with the accelerating velocity of a stone dropped from a precipice. And first, the superhuman sublimities of good-breeding are gently dispensed with. "Every one for himself on a tour," is said, at first jocosely, then good-humouredly, then firmly, then remonstratingly, then sourly, then sulkily, and at

out being aware of what you are really giving up; and when you gradually awaken to the position in which you have been suffering him to place you, you will have so much lost ground to recover before you are on equal terms. We were once of opinion that it was desirable to select a married man of some years' standing; because, being in the habit of constant submission, whether voluntary, enforced, or unconscious, at home, he was likely to be docile and manageable by instinct. But it has been suggested to us by high authority, that the same principle of human nature which converts the fag into the tyrant, and the enslaved serf into the revolutionary despot, will assert itself in him, and impart an eagerness and a virulence to his strife for the mastery, a spiteful fanaticism to his worship of self, which it would be extremely difficult to resist. On the whole, therefore, in spite of what has been said above, we would rather recommend you to choose a bachelor; but to be on your guard against him from the very first. And the best mode of enabling your ignorance to contend successfully against his experience, will be to yield no point whatever, trifling as it may per haps appear, lest it should involve consequences which you do not perceive. You are safe in always contradieting and opposing, and though you may be fighting for matters of no importance, it is a fault on the right side, and better than running the risk of losing an advantage which you may hereafter endeavour to reconquer in vain. It is advisable to fix on a person who possesses some ascertained peculiarity which does not interfere with your own views of comfort; such as not being able to sit backwards in a carriage, or to eat some particular sort of food. By ostentatiously attending to this, and making a vast parade of always yielding him a front place, or providing him with a dinner to his taste, you establish a sort of right to require sacrifices from him in return, which, in skilful hands, may be used almost ad libitum, and with the best possible effect. Of course, great care must be taken in the choice of your weakness, that it does not jar with any similar tendency in yourself; though, in some cases, it might be as well to affect a slight degree of it, in order to make your concessions to your companion more meritorious, and more impressive. Your own observation will show you, very early in the business, which of the two great lines --the bullying, or the sneaking-it will be more politic to adopt. And having once chosen your line, let nothing tempt you to depart from it for a moment. In this game, steady perseverance is more than half the battle; and by it, you may sometimes baffle an antagonist of superior natural qualifications, who, less alive to the nature of the contest, suffers himself to be temporarily diverted from his original system of tactics. Watch eagerly for this blunder, pounce on it the moment it appears, and never suffer him to recover the advantage which he will lose by such an error, however brief in its duration. Yet, with all these precautions-with the most fastidious care in the choice of your companion, and the most sedulous and energetic pursuit of the best means of subduing him when chosen, we can by no means promise you that you shall eventually and permanently obtain the upper hand. The very highest point at which you may hope to arrive, may be compared to that state in a game of chess, in which one party never ceases checking his antagonist, who, with equal perseverance, baffles or evades each successive attack, till the battle is at length pronounced to be drawn.

You will perceive, however, that, in this kind of encounter, he who acts on the offensive has the pleasanter part; and it is this position which we would encourage and instruct you to grasp. Once yours, nothing but a want of vigilance in yourself, which we will not attribute to you, can enable your adversary to rob you of it; and, as in this game there is no regulation compelling the combatants to cease after a certain number of ineffectual checks, it is by no means uncommon for the defender to give up from pure weariness, and suffer himself to be reduced to a conquered and submissive state, without resistance.

The last fortnight or month of a tour generally pre sents us with a somewhat novel aspect of affairs. This is the period during which the contending parties, having measured their strength, and established their respective positions, become possessed with a lively spirit of revenge and spite, which is content to find its gratification in the annoyance of cach other, without thereby seeking any immediate advantage to themselves. The methods and the weapons by which this is to be achieved, will, of course, vary with circumstances. Some, however, are always useful; and among these we may reckon that intimate knowledge of the peculiarities of your companion, which, in the first instance, we advised you to attain, with a view to your own interest. It stands to reason, that when you know a man's tender plaees, you are enabled to hurt him much more effectually and easily, than when you are ignorant of their geography. Besides, it is an excellent plan to affect constant ignorance of them. Suppose you know your companion to be nervous, for instance; it becomes then your business always to arrange and suggest every method of proceeding on your journey, which is likely to worry or alarm him. It is humiliating, inconvenient, and vexatious for him to be driven every day into an explanation of his peculiar weakness, while you, with raised eyebrows, and politely contemptuous tone, profess "that you had not an idea this arrangement would be disagreeable to him; you knew his peculiarities, certainly, but it had never occurred to you that this could interfere with them." Having said thus much, you may yield the point; but it is scarcely necessary to say what an advantageous position you have assumed for the day, for you can make him feel at every moment that, in order to indulge his foible, the plan of the journey has been changed, while the unfeigned surprise which you exhibit at this particular manifestation of the said foible, may be made civilly and incessantly apparent. Occasionally, if he be at all sensitive, he will agree to your suggested scheme, rather than place himself in so unpleasant a situation; and then, although the nature of your satisfaction be changed, the degree of it is, perhaps, heightened. You sit by and chuckle, from your secret consciousness of the annoyance which you have compelled him to endure, and which he vainly labours to conceal from you.

In this kind of warfare, the lady has a decided advantage over the gentleman. There is one peculiarity invariable in the gentler sex, which affords a means of annoying a husband or brother, as powerful as it is inexhaustible. Man is distinguished from the beasts, as a reasoning animal." We will not here question the fitness of the appellation, though we could enumerate a variety of instances, chiefly among churchwardens and members of Parliament, with a slight sprinkling from the ranks of scientific theorists of modern times,

which would seem to suggest the propriety of esta blishing an intermediate class in the scale of creation. Were we, however, called upon to pronounce the characteristic of woman, as distinguished from man, we would call her a shopping animal. Now, in all the larger towns she may shop, and surely it is unnecessary to say more. My female readers will at once feel how wide a field I have opened to them; nor is there a man who will read the passage without an involuntary shudder at the picture presented to him. The length of time which may be consumed in this occupation-the unanswerable arguments which may be adduced for its necessity-the inconvenient moments at which it may be introduced as a substitute for anything whatsoever which the gentleman may wish to do-and the quantity of his money which you may contrive to spend in the course of it these are its great advantages; and the woman who requires instruction how to use these efficiently, is really unworthy of having advice wasted upon her. At the smaller and less interesting places, she always has it in her power to detain her companion by having a headache, and to worry him about her diet. In short, her facilities for undertaking the management of this latter period are innumerable; and were we to spend hours in collecting minute instructions for the guidance of her adversary, they could only avail him as a suit of worn and ill-constructed armour, between the plates of which the weapons of a skilful combatant may find passage at every moment.

And now, reader, we have done. How much do you think has been said in earnest? 'Tis a caricature, doubtless, and only meant to be laughed at; but is there not a good deal of truth in it after all? There may be perhaps there is; but if you have not some friends in the world, (we do not say many, but assuredly more than one,) without whom the pleasures of the most charming tour that ever was contrived would be incomplete, and in whose society the weapons of selfishness are blunted, and her arm paralyzed, because, in truth, your happiness is only to be found in seeking theirs; if you have no such friends, we can only say, that we condemn even more than we pity you; and we hope that it may never be our lot to have so cold and morose a person for our travelling companion.

"It is a fine piece, sir," observed Hannah, who supposed me wholly engrossed with the merit of the performance; "Mr. Penrose used to say that it was better worth looking at than a many paintings."

"I am quite of his opinion; and Mr. Penrose himself-they tell me he is at Bath?"

"Yes, sir, he has gone to try what the hot baths will do for his complaint, which is something of a palsy, as I take it."

After a little more talk I got up to take leave, observing, as I did so, "that since all my old friends seemed to be congregated at Bath, it was quite time that I should go there likewise.”

To Bath I went, and at the close of a drizzly, uncomfortable sort of a day, found myself established at the York Hotel. The following morning I waited on my aunt and cousins, who received me, as the present possessor of Knightswood, perhaps with a shade of embarrassment, yet kindly; indeed, the manner of Julia was it went far to atone for the loss of that splendid beauty so cordial, and she looked so truly glad to see me, that which had captivated my youthful fancy. Julia, at three-and-thirty, was indeed the wreck of her former self; altered both in regard to face and figure; the first had lost its bloom, the last its embonpoint, of which there never had been a thought too much; and though still an elegant-looking woman, she was, according to the common phrase, completely gone off. But what produced no change in my own appearance? Was I-the of that? Had so many years passed in a foreign climate same well-looking young fellow who had vowed and protested in the orangery?

Julia was still unmarried, received me kindly, and, if a vestige of her former partiality had survived the wear and tear of fashionable life, how could I do better than endeavour to convince her that although the days of romance were over, there might be many of rational and domestic happiness in store for us? With such reflections, I returned to the hotel to dress, preparatory to dining with my aunt and cousins. I thought them at the time fraught with wisdom, nor am I at the present moment seeking to recant.

the comfortable sensations of that first evening in the There was no other visitor, and never shall I forget Circus. During my residence abroad I had indeed found friends, and some of more than common excellence, but none who had ever known me by my Christian name; here, I was once more Henry, and I felt that I had indeed come home; former grievances and offences were forgotten; even later impressions, such as old Hannah's recital had produced, faded from my mind; I roughly comfortable it looked! How preferable to the cast my eye round the room-how cheerful, how thocold, deserted apartments of Knightswood! They have taken with them, thought I, all that gave pleasantness or grace to that abode. Whilst I meditated, Maria talked; she always had been a talker; formerly, her talk was of London, Almack's, archery parties, or the next meet; for both she and Harriet had been mighty riders in their day. Now, she discoursed on charity bazaars, sermons, pastoral aid, and presentation plate. The subject matter had changed, but the style was the same; that was still Maria, now evidently, in her own opinion, the most serious of her family. Julia said comparatively little, but that little tended to confirm my early belief in her better qualities. Superior to Maria in understanding, to Harriet in disposition, the world, supposing it to have disappointed, had, at least, failed to injure either the temper or the heart; Julia's mind had remained open to good impressions, and was capable of forming a right judgment of her past career.

So it appeared to me at a later period of our renewed acquaintance; in the mean time, my aunt was talking, and I not attending; it was necessary to collect my thoughts. Lady Tracey was recounting the perplexities consequent on her removal from Knightswood; the dif ficulty of fixing on a future home; her hesitation between town and country, between Bath and London; and lastly, the impossibility of finding a house anywhere exactly to her mind. Harriet seemed to have been the guiding spirit through the whole affair; she happily cleared a way through all its intricacies, and eventually established Lady Tracey in the Circus. But Bath is not a desirable residence in summer, for even an English summer may be occasionally hot. To some such observation of mine, Lady Tracey agreed; "but there could