Precife their Look, but to the Brothel come,
You'll know the Price of Philofophick Bum.
You'd fwear, if you their Briftled Hides furvey'd,
That for a Bear's Careffes they are made;.
Yet of their Obscene Part they take fuch care,
That (like Baboons) they ftill keep Podex bare;
To fee't fo fleek and trimm'd the Surgeon fmiles,
And scarcely can for laughing launce the Piles.
Since Silence feems to carry Wifdom's Pow'r,
Th' affected Rogues, like Clocks, fpeak once an Hour.
Thofe grizled Locks which Nature did provide,
In plenteous growth, their Affes Ears to hide,
The formal Slaves reduce to a degree

Short of their Eye-Brows----Now I honour Thee,
Thee Peribonius, thou profeft He-Whore,"
And all thy Crimes impute to Nature's Score:
Thou, as in Harlot's Dress thou art attir'd,
For ought I know, with Harlots Itch art fir'd;
Thy Form feems for the Pathick Trade defign'd,
And generously thou doft own thy Kind.
But what of those lewd Mifcreants must become,
Who Preach Morality, and shake the Bum ?

Varillus cries, fhall I fear Sextus' Doom,
Whofe Haunches are the common Sink of Rome?
Let him cry Blackmoor-Devil, whofe Skin is white;
And Bandy-Legs, who treads himself upright;

Let him reprove that's Innocent-----In vain

The Gracchi of Sedition mult complain,

'Twould make you fwear the Planets from their Spheres, Should Verres peach Thieves, Milo Murderers,

Clodius tax Bawds, Cethegus Catiline,

Or Scylla's Pupils Scylla's Rules decline.

I Suppos'd by fome, to be Cafar, Pompey, and Craffus; but

by others (more probably) Auguflus, Antbony, and Lepidus.

Yet

Yet we have seen a Modern Magistrate
Reftore those rigid 2 Laws that did create
In Mars and Venus dread himself the while,
With impious Drugs and Potions, did beguile
The teeming Julia's Womb, and thence did wrest
Crude 3 Births, that yet th' Incestuous Sire confeft.
How fhall fuch Hypocrites Reform the State,
On whom the Brothels can Recriminate?

Of this we have an Inftance great and new
In a Cock-Zealot of this Preaching Crew,
Whose late Harangue the gaping Rabble drew.
His Theme, as Fate wou'd have't, was Fornication,
And as i'th' fury of his Declamation,

He cry'd, Why fleeps the Julian Law, that aw'd
This Vice?---- Laronia, an industrious Bawd,
(As Bawds will run to Lectures) nettled much
To have her Copy-hold fo nearly toucht,
With a difdainful Smile, reply'd, Bleft Times,
That made thee Censor of the Ages Crimes!
Rome now must needs Reform, and Vice be stopt,
Since a Third Cato from the Clouds is dropt.
But tell me, Sir, what Perfume ftrikes the Air
From your moft Rev'rend Neck o'ergrown with Hair?
For modeftly we may prefume, I trow,

'Tis not your Nat'ral Grain----The Price I'd know,
And where 'tis fold; direct me to the Street,
And Shop, for I with no fuch Effence meet.
Let me entreat you, Sir, for your own fake,
Use Caution, and permit the Laws to take
A harmless Nap, left the 4 Scantinian wake,

2 The Lex Julia against Adultery.

3 Viz. Deform'd, and so refembling Domitian.

}

4 The Law fo called, from Scantinius, against whom it was put in Execution.

Our

Our wife Forefathers took their Measures right,
Nor wreak'd on Fornicators all their spight,
But left a Limbo for the Sodomite.

}

}

If you Commiffion-Courts must needs erect
For Manners, put the teft to your own Sect.
But you by Number think your felves fecure,
While our thin Squadron must the Brunt endure.
With Grief I must confefs our Muster's few,
And much with Civil Broils impair'd, while you
Are to the Dev'l and to each other true."
Your Penal Laws againft us are enlarg'd,

On whom no Crimes, like what you act, are charg'd.
Flavia may now and then turn up for Bread,
But chaftly with Catulla lies a-bed.

Your Hifpo acts both Sexes parts, before

A Fornicator, and behind a Whore:

We ne'er invade your Walks; the Clients Caufe
We leave to your confounding, and the Laws.
If now and then an Amazonian Dame
Dares fight a publick Prize, 'tis fure less fhame,
Than to behold your unnerv'd Sex fet in
To Needle-Work, and like a Damsel spin.
How Hifter's Bondman his fole Heir became,
And his conniving Spouse fo rich a Dame,

Is known; that Wife with Wealth muft needs be fped,
Who is content to make a Third in Bed.

You Nymphs that would to Coach and Six arrive,
Marry, keep Connfel, and y'are fure to thrive!
Yet thefe Obnoxious Men without Remorse,
Against our Tribe will put the Laws in force,
Clip the Dove's Wing, and give the Vulture course.
Thus fpoke the Matron ---The convicted Crew
From fo direct a Charge like Lightning flew.
It must be fo
--Nor, vain Metellus, fhall
From Rome's Tribunal, thy Harangues prevail

}

'Gainft

'Gainft Harlotry, while thou art clad so thin,
That through thy Cobweb-Robe we see thy Skin
As thou Declaim'ft----- Fabulla is, you fay,
A Whore I own it; fo's Carfinia;
Rank Profiitutes, therefore without remorfe
Punish the Strumpets, give the Law its courfe:"
But when y'ave fentenc'd them Metellus, know,
They'd blush t'appear fo loofly Dreft as you.
You fay the Dog-Star reigns, whofe fultry Fire
Melts you to death ev'n in that light Attire;
Go naked then, 'twere better to be mad,
(Which has a priv'ledge) than fo lewdly clad!
How wou'd our Mountain Sires, return'd from Plow
Or Battel, fuch a Silken Judge allow ?

Canft thou restore old Manners, or retrench
Rome's Pride, who com'ft tranfparent to the Bench?
This Mode in which thou fingly do'ft appear,
By thy Example fhall get footing here,
Till it has quite deprav'd the Roman Stock,
As one infected Sheep confounds the Flock.

Nor will this Crime, Metellus, be thy worst,
No Man e'er reach'd the heights of Vice at first:
For Vice like Virtue by Degrees must grow,
Thus from this wanton Drefs, Metellus, thou
With thofe 5 polluted Priefts at last shalt join,
Who female Chaplets round their Temples twine,
And with perverted Rites profane the Goddefs' Shrine.
Where fuch vile Practices, 'twixt Males are past,

As makes our Matrons lewd Nocturnals chait.

5 Suppos'd to be the College of Priests, appointed by Domitian to Celebrate the Quinquatria to Minerva,

}

7

Cotyttus' Orgies fcarce are more obscene,

For thus th' Effeminate Priefts themselves demean.
With Jet-black Pencils one his Eye-brows dyes,
And adds new Fire to his lafcivious Eyes:
Another in a Glafs-Priapus (wills,

While twisted Gold his platted Treffes fills;
A Female Robe, and to compleat the Farce,
His & Servant not by Jove but Juno fwears.
One holds a Mirrour, pathick Otho's Shield,
In which he view'd before he march'd to Field,
Nor Ajax with more Pride his feven-fold Targe did wield
Oh Noble Subject for new Annals fit,

In mufty Fame's Records unmention'd yet!
A Looking-Glafs muft load th' Imperial Car,
The most important Carriage of the War!
Galba to kill he thought a Gen'ral's Part,
But, as a Courtier, us'd the nicest Art
To keep his Skin from Tan: before the Fight
Wou'd paint, and fet his foil'd Complexion right.
A Softnefs which Semiramis ne'er knew,

When once she had the Field and Foe in view,
Nor Egypt's Queen, when she from Actium flew.
No chaft Difcourse their Festivals afford,
Obsceneness is the Language of their Board:
Soft lifping Tones, taught by fome bald-pate Prieft,
For skilful Palate, Mafter of the Feaft.

A Pack of Prostitutes; unnerv'd, and rife
For th' operation of a 9 Phrygian Knife.

7 Cotyttus' Orgies. The Goddefs of Impudence worshipp'd at Athens. A Strumpet in her Life-time, that us'd to Dance naked with most Obfcene Geftures.

8 An Inftance of Extraordi

}

nary Effeminacy, it being the Custom for only Women to fwear by Goddeffes; the Men by Jove, Hercules, &c.

9 Alluding to the Priests of the Phrygian Goddeffes, who were caftrated.

For