Attend the Caufes which my Mufe have led:
When Saplefs Eunuchs mount the Marriage-Bed,
When Mannish Mevia, that two-handed Whore,
Aftride on Horse-back hunts the Tuscan Boar,
When all our Lords are by his Wealth outvy'd,
Whose 9 Razour on my callow Beard was try'd;
When I behold the Spawn of conquer'd Nile,
Crifpinus 10, both in Birth and Manners vile,
Pacing in Pomp, with Cloak of Tyrian Dye
Chang'd oft a day for needlefs Luxury;
And finding oft occafion to be fan'd,
Ambitious to produce his Lady-Hand;
Charg'd 11 with light Summer-rings his Fingers fweat,
Unable to fupport a Gem of Weight:
Such fulfom Objects meeting every where,
'Tis hard to write, but harder to forbear.
To view fo lewd a Town, and to refrain,
What hoops of Iron cou'd my Spleen contain !
When 12 pleading Maiho, born abroad for Air,
With his fat Paunch fills his new-fashion'd Chair,
And after him the Wretch in Pomp convey'd,
Whofe Evidence his Lord and Friend betray'd,
And but the wifh'd Occafion does attend
From the poor Nobles the laft Spoils to rend,
Whom ev'n Spies dread as their Superior Fiend,
And bribe with Prefents; or, when Prefents fail,
They fend their proftituted Wives for Bail:
8 Mevia, a Name put for any Impudent or Mannifh Woman.
9 Whofe Razour, &c. Juvenal's Barber now grown Wealthy.
10 Crifpinus, an Egyptian Slave; now by his Riches transform'd into à Nobleman. 11 Charg`d with light Sum
mer Rings, &c. The Romans were grown fo Effeminate in Juvenal's time, that they wore light Rings in the Summer, and heavier in the Winter.
12 Matbo, a famous Lawyer, mentioned in other Places by Juvenal and Martial.
When Night-performance holds the Place of Merit,
And Brawn and Back the next of Kin difherit;
For fuch good Parts are in Preferment's way,
The Rich Old Madam never fails to pay
Her Legacies, by Nature's Standard giv'n,
One gains an Ounce, another gains Eleven:
A dear-bought Bargain, all things duly weigh'd,
For which their thrice concocted Blood is paid.
With Looks as wan, as he who in the Brake
At unawares has trode upon a Snake.
Or play'd 13 at Lyons a declaiming Prize,
For which the vanquish'd Rhetorician dyes.
What Indignation boils within my Veins,
When perjur'd Guardians, proud with Impious Gains,
Choak up the Streets, too narrow for their Trains!
Whofe Wards by Want betray'd, to Crimes are led
Too foul to name, too fulfom to be read!
When he who pill'd his Province scapes the Laws,
And keeps his Money, though he loft his Cause:
His Fine begg'd off, contemns his Infamy,
Can rife at twelve and get him Drunk ere three :
Enjoys his Exile, and, Condemn'd in vain,
Leaves thee, 14 prevailing Province, to complain?
Such Villainies rous'd 's Horace into Wrath:
And 'tis more noble to pursue his Path,
13 At Lyons; a City in France, where annual Sacrifices and Games were made in Honour of Auguftus Cæfar.
14 Prevailing Province, &c. Here the Poet complains, that the Governors of Provinces being accus'd for their unjust Exactions, though they were condemned at their Tryals, yet got off by Bribery.
15 Horace, who wrote Satyrs: 'Tis more Noble, fays our Author, to imitate him in that way, than to write the Labours of Hercules, the Sufferings of Diomedes and his Followers, or the Flight of Dedalus, who made the Labyrinth, and the Death of his Son Icarus.
Than an old Tale of Diomede repeat,
Or lab'ring after Hercules to fweat,
Or wandring in the winding Maze of Crete;
Or with the winged Smith aloft to fly,
Or flutt'ring perish with his foolish Boy.
With what Impatience muft the Muse behold
The Wife, by her procuring Husband fold?
For tho' the law makes Null th' Adulterer's Deed
Of Lands to her, the Cuckold may fucceed;
Who his taught Eyes up to the Cieling throws,
And fleeps all over but his wakeful Nofe.
When he dares hope a Colonel's Command,
Whofe Courfers kept, ran out his Father's Land;
Who yet a Stripling Nero's Chariot drove,
Whirl'd o'er the Streets, while his vain Master strove
With boafted Art to please his 16 Eunuch Love.
Wou'd it not make a modeft Author dare
To draw his Table-Book within the Square,
And fill with Notes, when lolling at his Ease,
Mecenas-like 17, the happy Rogue he sees
Born by Six weary'd Slaves in open View,
Who cancell'd an Old Will, and forg'd a New:
Made wealthy at the fmall Expence of Signing
With a wet Seal, and a fresh Interlining?
The Lady, next, requires a lafhing Line,
Who fqueez'd a Toad into her Husband's Wine:
So well the fashionable Med’cine thrives,
That now 'tis practis'd ev'n by Country Wives:
Poys'ning, without regard of Fame or Fear:
And fpotted Corps are frequent on the Bier.
16 His Eunuch Love. Nero marry'd Sporus an Eunuch; though it may be the Poet meant Nero's Miftrefs in Man's Apparel.
17 Mecenas-likes. Mecena: is often tax'd by Seneca and others, for his Effeminacy.
Wou'dft thou to Honours and Preferments climb
Be bold in Mischief, dare fome mighty Crime,
Which Dungeons, Death, or Banishment deferves:
For Virtue is but dryly Prais'd, and Starves.
Great Men, to great Crimes, owe their Plate embost,
Fair Palaces, and Furniture of Coft;
And high Commands: A Sneaking Sin is loft.
Who can behold that rank Old Letcher keep
His Son's corrupted Wife, 18 and hope to fleep?
Or that Male-Harlot, or that unfledg'd Boy,
Eager to Sin, before he can Enjoy?
If Nature cou'd not, Anger would indite
Such woful Stuff as I or Sh-
Count from the time, fince old 19 Deucalion's Boat, Rais'd by the Flood, did on Parnassus float; And scarcely mooring on the Cliff, implor'd An Oracle how Man might be restor'd; When foften'd Stones and Vital Breath enfu'd, And Virgins naked were by Lovers view'd ; What ever fince that Golden Age was done, What Human Kind defires, and what they shun, Rage, Paffions, Pleasures, Impotence of Will, Shall this Satyrical Collection fill.
What Age fo large a Crop of Vices bore,
Or when was Avarice extended more?
When were the Dice with more Profufion thrown
The well-fill'd Fob not empty'd now alone,
But Gamefters for whole Patrimonies play;
The Steward brings the Deeds which must convey
18. And hope to fleep? The meaning is, that the very confideration of fuch a crime will hinder a virtuous man from taking his Repose.
19 Deucalion and Pyrrba, became Men, and those she when the world was drown'd, I threw became Women.
The loft Eftate: What more than Madness reigns,
When one short Sitting many Hundreds drains,
And not enough is left him to fupply
Board-Wages, or a Footman's Livery?
What Age fo many Summer-Seats did fee?
Or which of our Forefather's far'd fo well,
As on feven Dishes, at a private Meal?
Clients of old were Feasted; now a poor
Divided Dole is dealt at th' outward Door;
Which by the hungry Rout is foon dispatch'd:
The paltry Largefs, too, feverely watch'd,
Ere given; and ev'ry Face obferv'd with Care,
That no intruding Guefts ufurp a Share.
Known, you Receive: The Cryer calls aloud
Our Old Nobility of Trojan Blood,
Who gape among the Crowd for their precarious Food.
The Frætors, and the Tribunes Voice is heard;
The Freedman juftles, and will be preferr'd;
First come, first ferv'd, he cries; and I, in spight
Of your Great Lordfhips, will maintain my Right.
Tho' born a Slave, tho' 20 my torn Ears are bor'd,
'Tis not the Birth, 'tis Money makes the Lord.
The Rent of Five fair Houfes I receive;
What greater Honours can the Purple give?
The 21 poor Patrician is reduc'd to keep,
In Melancholly Walks, a Grazier's Sheep:
Not 22 Pallus nor Licinius had my Treasure ;
Then let the facred Tribunes wait my Leisure.
20 Though my torn Ears are bor'd: The Ears of all Slaves were bor'd as a Mark of their Servitude; which Custom is ftill ufual in the Eaft-Indies, and in other Parts, even for whole Nations; who bore prodigious Holes in their Ears, and wear vaft weights at them.
21 The poor Patrician; the poor Nobleman.
22 Pallus, or Licinius. Pallus, a Slave freed by Claudius Cafar, and rais'd by his Favour to great Riches. Licinius was another wealthy Freedman, belonging to Auguftus.
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