vectives lasted the whole day. If a word es caped me in my own justification, it was enough to make them say, I was guilty of sacrilege, and to raise an outcry against all devotion. If I made them no answer at all, they still heightened their indignation, and made them say the most grating things they could devise. If I fell sick, which often happened, they took occasion to come to quarrel with me in my bed, saying, my communions and prayers were what made me sick; as if there had been nothing else could make me ill, but my devotions to thee, oh my Love!

SHE told me one day, in her passion, that she was going to write to him who she thought was my director, to get him to stop me from going to the communion, for that he did not know me. And when I made her no answer, she cried out as loud as she could," that I treated her ill and despised her." When I went out to go to prayers, (though I had taken care before to order every thing about the house) "she ran to tell my husband that I was going abroad, and had left nothing in order." When I returned home, rage fell on me in all its violence; they would hear none of my reasons, but said, " they were "all a pack of lies." My mother-in-law persuaded my husband, "that I let every thing go

to wreck and that, if she did not take care, "he would be ruined." He believed it, and I bore all with patience, endeavouring, as well as I could, to do my duty. What gave most trouble was the not knowing what course to take; for when I ordered any thing without her, she complained "that I shewed her no respect, that I did "things of my own head, and they were done

" al

"always the worse for it." Then she would order them quite contrary: If I consulted her to know what, or how she would have any thing to be done, she said, "she must have the care and trouble of every thing."

I HAD scarce any rest but what I found in the love of thy will, oh my GoD, and submission to thy orders, however rigorous they might be. They incessantly watched my words and actions to find occasion against me. They chid me all the day long, continually repeating, and harping over and over, the same things, and that even before the footmen. How often have I made my meals on my tears, which were interpreted as the most criminal in the world! They said, I would be damn'd; as if the tears would open a hell for me, which surely they were more likely to extinguish. If I recited any thing I had heard, they would render me accountable for the truth of it. If I kept silence, they taxed me with contempt and perverseness; if I knew any thing without telling it, that was a crime; if I told it, then they said, "I had forged it." Sometimes they tormented me for several days successively, without giving me any relaxation. The girls said, "I "ought to feign sickness, to get a little rest." I made no reply. The love of GOD so closely pos❤ sessed me, that it would not allow me to seek relief by a single word, or even by a look. Sometimes I said in myself, " "Oh, that I had but any

one who would take notice of me, or to whom "I might unbosom myself, what relief to me "would it be !" But it was not granted me.

YET if I happened to be for some days freed from the exterior cross, it was a most sensible dis

tress to me, and indeed a punishment more diffi cult to bear than the severest trials-I then comprehended what St. Theresa says, "let me suffer " or die." For this absence of the cross, was so grievous to me, that I languished with the ardency of desire for its return.-But no sooner was this earnest longing granted, and the blessed cross returned again, than strange as it may seem, it appeared so weighty and burdensome, as to be alinost insupportable.

THOUGH I loved my father extremely, and he loved me very tenderly, yet I never spoke to him of my sufferings. One of my relations, who loved me much, perceived the little moderation they used toward me. They spoke very roughly to me before him. He was highly displeased, and told my father of it, adding, that I should pass for a fool. Soon after I went to see my father, who, contrary to his custom, sharply reprimanded me, "for suffering them to treat me in such a "manner, without saying any thing in my own "defence, adding, every one talk'd of me for it; "that it looked as if I had neither sense or spirit "to vindicate myself." I answered, "If they "remarked what my husband said to me, that "was confusion enough for me without my bring

ing any more of it on myself by replies; that if "they did not remark it, I ought not to cause it "to be observed, nor expose my husband's weak"ness; that remaining silent stopped all disputes, whereas I might cause them to be con"tinued and increased, by my replies." My father answered, "I did well, and that I should "continue to act as GoD should inspire me :" And after that, he never spoke to me of it any

more.

THEY

THEY were ever talking to me against my father, whom I most tenderly loved and respected, against my relations, and all such as I esteemed most. I felt this more keenly than all they could say against myself. I could not forbear defending them, and therein I did wrong; as whatever I said served only to provoke them. If any complained of my father or relations, they were always in the right. If any, whom they had disliked before, spoke against them, they were presently approved of. If any shewed friendship to me, such were not welcome, A relation whom I greatly loved for her piety, coming to see me, they openly bid her be gone, or treated her in such a manner as obliged her to it, which gave me no small uneasiness. When any considerable person came, they would be speaking against me; even to persons who knew me not, which surprized them: But when they saw me they pitied

me.

WHATEVER they said against me, love would not allow me to justify myself. I spoke not to my husband of what either my mother-in-law or the girl did to me, except the first year, when I was not sufficiently touched with the power of GOD, to suffer such treatment. Nay, I did more than this; for as my mother-in-law and my husband were both passionate, they often quarrelled. Then I was in favour, and to me they made their mutual complaints. I never told the one what the other had said. And though it might have been of service to me, humanly speaking, to take the advantage of such opportunities, I never made use of them to complain of either Nay, on the contrary, I did not rest till I had reconciled them, I spoke many obliging things

of

of the one to the other which always made them friends again though I knew by frequent experi, ence that I should pay dear for their re-union: For scarce were they reconciled, but they joined toge ther against me.

I

I was so deeply engaged within, as often to forget things without, yet not any thing which was of consequence. My husband was hasty, and this inattention frequently irritated him. walked into the garden, without observing any thing there: And when my husband, who could not go thither, asked me about it, I knew not what to say, at which he was angry, I went thither on purpose to remark every thing, in order to tell him about them; and yet when there, did not think of looking at them. I went ten times one day, to see and bring him an account of them, and yet still forgot it. But when I did remember to look at them, I was much pleased; yet it generally happened I was then asked nothing about them.

WHEN they were telling any news; to mortify my curiosity, I used, under some pretext or other, to retire. When my husband afterward would be talking to me about it, I betrayed my ignorance of the matter, and then put him into a fresh fit of rage against me, which I would gladly have avoided being the occasion of; as I was very desirous of doing my duty, and rendering every thing agreeable to him, so far as was in my

power.

ALL my crosses to me would have seemed little, if I might have had liberty to pray, and to be alone, to indulge the interior attention which I

felt.