"to satisfy them without success? For as my mother-in-law had two daughters under her care, she was always finding something to say against every thing she did in regard to them.

BUT the most sensible cross to me now was the revolting of my own son against me, whom they inspired with so great a contempt for me, that I could not bear to see him without extreme affliction. When I was in my chamber with some of my friends they sent him to listen to what we said; and as he saw this pleased them he invented a hundred things to tell them. What gave me the severest pang was the loss of my child. If I caught him in a lie, as frequently I did, he would upbraid me, saying, "My grandmother says, you "have been a greater liar than I." I answered him, "Therefore I know the deformity of that "vice, and how hard a thing it is to get the better "of it: And for this reason, I would not have you "suffer the like." He spoke to me things very offensive; and because he remarked the awe I stood in of his grandmother and his father, if in their absence I found fault with him for any thing, he insultingly upbraided me, and said, "That now I wanted to set up for his mistress, "because they were not there." All this they approved of, in so much as to strengthen him in his most perverse inclinations. One day he went to see my father, and rashly began talking against me to him, as he was used to do to his grandmother. But there it did not meet with the same recompence. It affected my father to tears: he came to our house to desire he might be corrected for it. They promised it should be done, and yet they never did it. I was grievously afraid of

the

the consequences of so bad an education. I told Mother GRANGER of it, who consoled me, and said, "That since I could not remedy it, I must "suffer and leave every thing to GOD; and that "this child would be my cross.

ANOTHER great cross was the difficulty I had in attending my husband. I knew he was displeased when I was not with him; and yet when I was with him, he never expressed any pleasure in it, nor at any thing I did. On the contrary, he only rejected with scorn whatever office I performed. He was so very uneasy with me about every thing, that I sometimes trembled when I approached him. I could do nothing to his liking; and when I did not attend him, he was angry. He had taken such a dislike to soups, that he could not bear the sight of them; and those that offered them had so rough a reception, that neither his mother nor any of the domestics would carry them to him. There was none but I who did not refuse that office. I brought them to him, and let his anger pass; then tried in some agreeable manner to prevail on him to take them. And when his passion increased, I waited with patience, after which I said to him, "I had rather be repri"manded several times a day, than let you suffer

by not bringing you what is proper." Sometimes he took them; at other times pushed them back. But as he saw my perseverance, he would at length submit to take them.

WHEN he was in good humour, and I was carrying something agreeable to him, then my mother-in-law would snatch it out of my hands, and carry it herself. it herself. And as he thought I was not so careful and studious to please him, he

would

would fly in a rage against me, and express great thankfulness to his mother. I silently suffered it all: I used all my skill and endeavours to gain my mother-in-law's favour by my assiduities, my presents, my services; but was not lucky enough to succeed. How bitter and grievous, oh my GOD, would such a life be were it not for thee? But thou hast sweetened and reconciled it to me. I had a few very short intervals from this severe and mortifying life; but these served only to make the reverses more keen and bitter.

A

CHAP. XVIII.

BOUT eight or nine months after my recovery from the small-pox, Father LA COMBE, passing by our house, brought me a let、 ter from Father de la MOTTE,* recommending him to my esteem, and expressing the highest friendship for him. I hesitated much, for I was very loth to make new acquaintances, but the fear of offending my brother prevailed. After a short conversation we both desired a farther opportunity. I thought that he either loved GOD, or was disposed to love him, and I wished every body to love him. GOD had already made use of me for the conversion of three of his order. The strong desire he had of seeing me again induced him to come to our country-house, which was about half a league from the town. A little accident which happened opened a way for me to

speak

* He was a Bernabite, half brother of Lady Guion, by the father, a malevolent, selfish ecclesiastic, as we shall see in the second and third parts.

speak to him. As he was in discourse with my husband, who relished his company, he was taken ill, and retired into the garden. My husband soon bade me go and see what was the matter with him. I went He told me he had remarked in my countenance, a deep inwardness and presence of God, which had given him a strong desire of seeing me again: And GOD then assisted me to open to him the interior path of the soul, and conveyed so much grace to him through this poor channel, that he has owned to me since, that he went away, changed into quite another man. I preserved an esteem for him; for it appeared to me that he would be devoted to God; but little did I then foresee, that I should ever be led to the place where he was to reside.

My disposition at this time, as I have said, was a continual prayer, without knowing it to be such; for the presence of GOD was so plen. tifully given, that it seemed to be more in me than my very self. The sensibility thereof was so powerful, so penetrating, it seemed to me irresistible; and love took from me all liberty of my own. At other times I was so dry, I felt nothing but the pain of absence, which was the keener to me, as the divine Presence had before been so sensible. In these alternatives, when love was present, I forgot in such a manner all my troubles and pains, that it appeared to me as if I never had experienced any: And, in its absence, it seemed as if it never would return again. I still thought it was through some fault of mine it was withdrawn, and that rendered me inconsolable. Had I known it had been a state through which it was necessary to pass, I should not have been troubled; for my strong

Me to the will of God would have rendered bury thing easy to me, the property of this trager being to gise a great love to the order of Gong with so sublime and perfect a reliance on him, as to fear nothing, whether dangers, thunder, sparits, or death. It gives a great abstraction from one's self, their own interests and reputation, with an utter disregard to every thing of the kind; all being swallowed up in the esteem of the will of

At home, I was accused of every thing that was ill done, spoiled or broken. At first I told the truth, and said it was not I; they persisted, and accused me of lying. I then made no reply. Besides, they told all their tales to such as Came to the house. But when I was afterwards alone with the same persons, I never undeceived them. I often heard such things said of me, before my friends, as were enough to make them entertain a bad opinion of me. My mind kept te habitation m the tacit consciousness of my own innocences not concerning myself whether they thought well or ill of me, excluding all the world, all opinions or censures, out of my view, and meding nothing else but the friendship of GoD

Is through Fidella I happened at any time to JUNOPY HYSO't, I always falled and drew upon www www.gress, both within and without: Die Bowl and ng all this, I was so enamoured

Pkt 100 greatest cress of al would have A# A #P004 #n When the cress Was takor boat me or any short space, it seemed to #Q 19% # #va ha ruse or be bad use i made ga, dine that any anaitas deprived me