dated the same day about the cross, the finest and most consolatory he ever wrote me on that subject. Sometimes my spirit was so oppressed with continual crosses, which scarce gave me any relaxation, that when alone my eyes turned every way, to see if they could find any thing to give some relief. A word, a sigh, a trifle, or to know that any one took part in my grief, would have been some comfort; but that was not granted me, not even to look toward heaven, or make any complaint. Love held me then so close, that it would have this miserable nature to perish, without giving it any support or nourishment.

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OH my deare LORD! thou yet gave my soul a victorious support, which made it triumph over all the weaknesses of nature, and seized thy knife to sacrifice it without sparing. And yet this nature so perverse, and full of artifices to save its life, at last took the course of nourishing itself with its own despair, and with its fidelity under such heavy and continual oppression, and withal sought to conceal the value it attributed thereto : But thy eyes, oh my divine Love, were too penetrating not to detect the subtilty. Wherefore, thou, oh my Shepherd, changed thy conduct toward it. Thou sometimes comforted it with thy crook and thy staff; that is to say, by thy conduct as loving as crucifying, but it was only to reduce it to the last extremity, as I shall shew hereafter.

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CHAP. XX.

LADY of rank, whom I sometimes visited, took a particular liking to me, because, (as she was pleased to say) my person and manners were agreeable to her. She said that she observed in me something extraordinary and uncommon. I believe it was the inward attraction of my soul that appeared on my very countenance: For one day a gentleman of fashion said to my husband's aunt, "I saw the Lady your "niece; and it is very visible that she lives in "the presence of GOD." I was surprized at hearing this as I little thought that such an one as he could know what it was to have GOD thus present. This lady, I say, began to be touched with the sense of GoD: For, wanting once to take me to the play, I refused to go; (as I never went to plays,) making use of the pretext of my husband's continual indispositions. She pressed me exceedingly, and said, "I should not be "prevented by his sickness from taking some cc amusement; and that I was not of an age to "be confined with the sick like a nurse." I told her my reasons for acting so by my husband. She then perceived that it was more from a principle of piety, than the indispositions of my husband, that I did not go. Insisting to know my sentiment of plays, I told her, "I entirely dis"approved of them, and especially for a chris"tian woman:" And as she was far more advanced in years than I was, what I then said made such an impression on her mind, that she never after went to them.

BEING

BEING Once with her and another lady, who was fond of talking and had read the fathers, they spoke much of GOD. This lady spoke learnedly of him. I said scarce any thing, being inwardly drawn to silence, and troubled at such kind of conversation about GOD. My acquaintance, came next day to see me, "The LORD had so touched her heart, that she could stand out no longer." I attributed this touch to something the other lady had spoken: But she said to me, "Your silence had something in it which "penetrated to the bottom of my soul: And I "could not relish what the other said." we spoke to one another with open hearts.

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Then

IT was then that God left indelible impressions of his grace on her soul, and she continued so athirst for him, that she could scarcely endure to converse on any other subject. That she might become wholly his, he deprived her of a most affectionate husband, and visited her by such severe crosses, and at the same time poured his grace so abundantly into her heart, that he soon became the sole master thereof, After the death of her husband, and the loss of most of her fortune, she went to reside four leagues from our house, on a small estate, which she yet had left. She obtained my husband's consent to my going to pass a week with her, to console her under her losses. GOD gave her by my means all she wanted. She had a great share of understanding, but was surprized at my expressing things to her so far above my natural capacity. I should have been surprized at it myself, had I reflected on it: But it was GOD who gave me the gift for her sakę, diffusing a flood of grace into her soul, without regarding the unworthiness of the channel he was pleased to make use of. Since that

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time her soul has been the temple of the Holy Ghost, and our hearts have been indissolubly united.

My husband and I took a little journey toge ther; in which both my resignation and humility. were exercised, yet without difficulty or constraint, so powerful was the influence of divine grace. We had all like to have perished in a river: The rest of the company in a desperate fright threw themselves out of the coach, which sunk in the moving sand. I continued so much inwardly occupied, that I did not once think of the danger. GOD delivered me from it without my thought of avoiding it. I was quite content to be drowned, had he permitted it. It may be șaid, “I was rash;" I believe I was so: Yet I rather chose to perish, trusting in GoD, than make my escape in a dependance on myself. But what say I? We do not perish, but for want of trusting in him. My pleasure is to be indebted to him for every thing. This renders me content in my miseries, which I would rather endure all my life long, in a state of resignation to him, than put an end to them, in a dependance on myself. However I would not advise others to act thus, unless they were in the same disposition which I was in at that time.

As my husband's maladies daily increased; he resolved to go to St. REINE, he appeared very. desirous of having none but me with him, and told me one day, "If they never spoke to me "against you, I should be more easy, and you "more happy." In this journey I committed many faults of self-love and self-seeking; and being in a deep interior resignation, experienced thereby

thereby what I should be without thy fatherly care, oh God. For some time past, thou hadst withdrawn from me that sweet interior correspondence which before I had only to follow. I was become like a poor traveller that had lost his way in the night, and could find no way, path, or track: But as I reserve for another place the description of the terrible darkness through which I passed, I shall here continue the thread of my history. My husband in his return from St. REINE, passed by St. EDM. Having now no children but my first-born son, who was often at the gates of death, he wished exceedingly for heirs, and prayed for them earnestly. God granted his desire, and gave me a second son. The approach of my lying-in was a season of great consolation to me. And though in my delivery I had a severe time, the love I had for the cross made me look on it all with pleasure. I rejoiced because nature had so much to suffer. Beside, as I was several weeks, after my delivery, without any one daring to speak to me, on account of my great weakness, it was a time of retreat and of silence, wherein I tried to indemnify myself for the loss of time I had sustained in the others, to pray to thee, my God, and to continue alone with thee. I may say that during the nine months of my pregnancy, GOD took a new possession of me, and left me not. It was a time of continual joy without interruption. As I had experienced many inward difficulties, weaknesses and withdrawings of my Love, it was a new life. It seemed as if I was already in the fruition of beatitude. But how dear did this happy time cost me, since it was only a preparative to a total privation of comfort for several years, without any support, or hope of return! It be

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