on his Spirit, every thing is given us admirably: Our very weaknesses, in his hand, prove a source of humiliation. If the soul were faithful to leave itself in the hand of GOD, sustaining all his operations, whether gratifying or mortifying, suffering itself to be conducted, from moment to moment, by his hand, and annihilated by the strokes of his Providence, without complaining, or desiring any thing besides what it has; it would soon arrive at the experience of the eternal truth, though it might not know till late the ways and methods by which Gop conducted it thereto.

BUT the misfortune is, that people want to direct Gop, instead of resigning themselves to be directed by him. They want to shew him a way, instead of passively following that wherein he leads them. And from hence And from hence many souls, called to enjoy GOD himself, and not barely his gifts, spend all their lives in running after little consolations, and feeding on them; resting there only, and making all their happiness to consist therein.

FOR you, my dear children, if my chains and my imprisonment any way afflict you, I pray that they may serve to engage you to seek nothing but GOD for himself alone, and never to desire to possess him but by the death of your whole selves, never to seek to be something in the ways of the Spirit, but choose ye to enter into the most profound nothingness.

I HAD an internal strife, which continually racked me;-two powers which appeared equally strong, seemed equally to struggle for the mastery within me.On the one hand, a desire of

pleasing

pleasing thee, oh my GOD, a fear of offending, and a continual tendency of all my powers to thee; and on the other side, the view of all my inward corruptions, the depravity of my heart, and the continual stirring and rising of self; promptitude of spirit, and a dragging outward towards the creatures.-Oh what torrents of tears, what desolations have these cost me?— Is it possible, I cried, that I have received so many graces and favours from GOD-only to lose them;-that I have loved him with so much ardour, but to be eternally deprived of Him.That his benefits have only produced my ingratitude, his fidelity been paid by my infidelity; that my heart has been emptied of all creatures, and created objects, and filled with his presence and love, in order now to be wholly void of divine power, and only filled with wanderings. and created objects.

I COULD now no longer pray as formerly. Heaven seemed shut to me, and I thought justly too. I could get no consolation, nor make any complaint thereupon; nor had I any creature on earth to apply to, or to whom I might impart my condition. I found myself banished from all beings, without finding a support or refuge in any thing. I could no more practise any virtue with facility; such as had formerly been familiar to me seemed now to have left me. "Alas! said I, is it possible that this heart, " formerly all on fire, should now become like "ice?"-I often thought all creatures combined against me. Loaden with a weight of past sins, and a multitude of new ones, I could not think GOD would ever pardon me, but looked on myself as a victim designed for hell. I would have

been

been glad to do penances, to make use of prayers, pilgrimages, and vows. But still whatever

I tried for a remedy, seemed only to increase the malady. I may say that tears were my drink, and sorrow my food. I felt in myself such a pain as I never could bring any to comprehend, but such as have experienced it. I had within myself an executioner who tortured me without respite. Even when I went to church, I was not easy there. To sermons I could give no attention; they were now of no service or refreshment to me. I scarce conceived or understood any thing at them, or about them. Heretofore, I had endured pain with pleasure, and rejoiced at the sight of danger; but now a little of the former put me in a fret, and the shadow of the latter threw me into a fright.

CHAP,

As

CHAP. XXII.

S my husband drew near his end, his dis tempers had no intermission. No sooner was he in appearance recovered from one but he fell into another. The gout, feyer, gravel succeeded one another. IIe bore great pains with much patience, offering them to GOD, and making a good use of them: Yet his anger toward me increased, because reports and stories of me were multiplied to him, and those about him did nothing but vex him. He was the more susceptible of such impressions, as his pains gave him a stronger bent to vexation. At this time, the maid, who had used to torment me, sometimes took pity on me. She came to me as soon as I was gone into my closet, and said, “Come to my master, that your mother-in-law may "not speak to him any more against you." I pretended to be ignorant of it all; but he could not conceal his displeasure, nor even suffer me near him. My mother-in-law at the same time kept no bounds. All that came to the house were witnesses of the continual scoldings, which I was forced to bear, and which I bore with much patience, notwithstanding my being in the condition I have mentioned.

My husband having, some time before his death, finished the building of the chapel in the country, where we spent a part of the summer, I had the conveniency of hearing prayers every day, and of the communion; but not daring to do it openly every day, the priest privately ad

mitted.

mitted me to the communion. They solemnized the dedication of this little chapel, and though I had already begun to enter into the condition I have described, yet when they began to bless it, I felt myself all on a sudden inwardly seized, which continued more than five hours, all the time of the ceremony, when our LORD made a new consecration of me to himself. I then seemed to myself a temple consecrated to him, both for time and for eternity; and said within myself, (speaking both of the one and the other) "May this temple never be "profaned: May the praises of my GOD be

sung therein for ever!" It seemed to me at that time as if my prayer was granted. But soon all this was taken from me, and not so much as any remembrance thereof left to console me.

WHEN I was at this country house, which was only a little place of retreat before the chapel was built, I retired for prayer to woods and caverns. How many times, here, has GOD preserved me from dangerous and venomous beasts! Sometimes, at unawares, I kneeled upon serpents, which were there in great plenty; and they fled away without doing me any harm. Once I happened to be alone in a little wood wherein was a mad bull. I had an antipathy for these animals, and they for me, to such a degree as to single me out among several persons, and run after me. Every one cried out for fear; but, without offering me the least hurt, he betook himself to flight. If I could recount all the providences of GOD in my favour, it would appear wonderful: They were indeed so frequent and so continual, that I could