GOD

I could not but be astonished at them. everlastingly gives to such as have nothing wherewith to repay him. If there appears in the creature any fidelity or patience, it is he alone who gives it: If he ceases, for an instant to support; if he seem to leave me to myself, I cease to be strong, and find myself weaker than any other creature. If my miseries shew what I am, his favours shew what he is, and the extreme necessity I am under of ever depending on him.-But in writing I am fre quently apt to wander.

As I grew big with my daughter, and was like to die, they spared me for some time; for I was so extremely ill that the doctors gave me over. At last, after having passed twelve years and four months in the crosses of marriage, as great as possible, except poverty which I never knew, though I had much desired it, GOD drew me out of that state (after the manner I am going to relate) to give me still stronger crosses to bear, and of such a nature as I had never met with before: For if you give attention, sir, to the life which you have ordered me to write, you will remark that my crosses have been increasing till the present time, one being removed to give place to another to succeed it, still heavier than the former. Amidst the great troubles imposed upon me, when they said, "I was in a mortal sin," I had nobody in the world to speak to. I could have wished to have had somebody for a witness of my conduct; but I had not any. I had no support, no confessor, no director, no friend, no counsellor. I had lost all: And after GOD had taken from me one after another, he with

drew

drew also himself. I remained without any creature; and to complete my distress, I seemed to be left without GOD himself, who alone could support me in such a deeply distressing

state.

As to my husband, his illness grew every day more obstinate. He apprehended the approach of death, and even wished for it, so oppressive was the languishing life he dragged on. To his other ills was added, so great a dislike to every sort of nourishment, that he did not take any thing necessary to sustain life. There was none but I that had the courage to get him to take what little he did. The doctor advised him to go into the country. There for a few days at first he seemed to be better, when he was suddenly taken with the cholic, a retention of his urine, a violent fever, and an imposthume in his bladder. His patience encreased with his pain. I saw plainly he could not live long. It was a great trouble to me, that my mother-in-law kept me from him as much as she could, and infused into him such a displeasure against me, that I was much afraid lest he should die in it. I took a little interval of time, when she happened not to be with him, and drawing near his bed, I kneeled down and said to him, "That if ever I had "done any thing that displeased him I begged "his pardon, assuring him it had not been vo

luntary." He appeared very much affected, and as he was just come out of a sound sleep, he said to me, "It is I who beg your pardon. I did "not deserve you." After that time he was not only pleased to see me, but gave me advice what I should do after his death, not to depend on the

people on whom I now depended. He was for eight days very resigned and patient, though on account of the prevailing gangrene, he was cut and opened with a lance. I sent to Paris for the most skilful surgeon: But when he arrived my husband was dead.

No mortal could die in a more christian disposition, or with more courage than he did, after having received the sacrament in a manner truly edifying. I was not present when he expired; for out of tenderness he had made me retire: he was above twenty hours without sense, in the agonies of death. Thou didst order, oh my GoD, that he should die on Magdalene's eve, to shew me that I was to be wholly thine. I renewed every year, on Magdalene's day, the marriage-contract which I had made to thee my LORD: And I found myself at that time free to renew it, and that most solemnly. It was in the morning on the 21st of July, 1676, that he died. Next day I entered into my closet, in which was the image of my dear and divine spouse the LORD JESUS CHRIST. I renewed my marriage contract, and added thereto a vow of chastity, with a promise to make it perpetual, if M. BERTOT, my director should permit me to do it. After that I was so filled with great interior joy, which was so much the more new to me, as for a long time past I had been plunged in the deepest bitterness.

As soon as I heard that my husband had just expired, "oh my God, I cried, Thou hast bro"ken my bonds, and I will offer thee a sacri"fice of praise." After that I remained in a deep silence, both exterior and interior, quite dry and

without

without any support. I could neither weep nor speak. My mother-in-law said very fine things, and was very much commended for it by every one. They were offended at my silence, which they attributed to want of resignation. A friar told me, that every one admired the fine acts which my mother-in-law did; that as for me, they heard me say nothing; that I must sacrifice my loss to GOD; but I could not say one single word, let me strive as I would.

I was indeed very much spent ; for tho' I was but newly delivered of my daughter, yet I at tended and sat up with my husband four and twenty-nights before his death. I was more than a year after, in recovering the fatigue, joined to my sore weakness and pains both of body and of mind, The depression, or dryness and stupidity which I was in, was such that I could not say a word about GOD; it bore me down in such a manner, that I could hardly speak, However I entered for some moments into the admiration of thy goodness, oh my God, who had rendered me free, exactly on the day that I had taken thee for my spouse. I saw well that my crosses would not fail, since my mother-in-law had survived my husband. Also I was still tied, in having two children given me in so short a time before my husband's death; which has evidently appeared the effect of divine wisdom; for had I had only my eldest son left, I should have put him to the college; and then have gone into the convent of the Benedictines, and so stolen myself from the designs of GoD upon me.

I WAS

I WAS willing to shew the esteem I had for my husband, in causing the most magnificent funeral to be made for him, at my own expence, that had ever been seen in that country. I paid off the legacies he had left. My mother-in-law violently opposed every thing I could do for securing my own interests. I had nobody to apply to for advice or help; for my brother would not give me the least assistance, I was ignorant of affairs: But GOD, who, independant of my natural understanding, had always made me fit for every thing that pleased him, supplied me with such a perfect intelligence herein, that I succeeded. I omitted not the least punctilio, and was surprized that in these matters I should know without ever having learned. I digested all my papers, and regulated all my affairs, without the least assistance from any one. My husband had abundance of writings deposited in his hands. I took an exact inventory of them, and sent them severally to their owners, which, without divine assistance, would have been very difficult for me; because, my husband having been a long time sick, every thing was in the greatest confusion. This gained me the reputation of a skilful woman, as well as another affair which fell out thus.

A GREAT number of persons, who had been at law for several years, applied to my husband to settle their affairs. Tho' it was not properly the business of a gentleman, yet they applied to him, because he had both understanding and probity; and as he had a love for several of them he consented. There were twenty actions one upon another, and in all twenty-two persons concerned, who could not get any end put to