of that happy period caused secret desires to spring up in my heart, of recovering it again; but I was instantly rejected and thrown back into the depth of the abyss, from whence I could scarcely utter a sigh; I judged myself to be in a state which was due to unfaithful souls. I seemed, oh my GoD, as if I was for ever cast off from thy regard, and from that of all creatures. By degrees my state ceased to be painful. I became even insensible to it, and my insensibility seemed like the final hardening of my reprobation. My coldness appeared to me a mortal coldness. And it was truly so, oh my GOD, since I thus died to self, in order to live wholly in thee, and in thy precious love, as I am going to relate.

To resume then my history, a servant of mine wanted to become a BARNABITE. I wrote about. it to Father DE LA MOTHE; he answered me, that I must address Father LA COMBE, who was then the superior of the BARNABITES of ToNON. That obliged me to write to him. I had always preserved secret respect and esteem for. him, as one under grace. I was glad of this opportunity of recommending myself to his prayers. I wrote to him about my fall from the grace of GoD, and that I had requited his favours with the blackest ingratitude; that I was miserable, and a subject worthy of compassion; and that, far from having advanced towards GOD, I was become entirely alienated from him. He answered me in such a manner, as if he had known, by a supernatural light, notwithstanding the frightful description I had given of mysel, that my condition was of grace. But I could

not then believe it.

IN

In the midst of my miseries * GENEVA came into my mind, in a singular manner, which caused me many fears. "What, said I, to complete "my reprobation, shall I go to such an excess "of impiety, as to quit the faith through apos"tacy? (The inhabitants of GENEVA being generally Protestants or Calvinists.) Am I then "about quitting that church, for which I would give a thousand lives? Or, shall I ever depart "from that faith which I would even wish to "seal with my blood?" I had such a distrust of myself, that I durst hope for nothing, but had a thousand reasons for fear, after the experience I had of my weakness. Nevertheless the letter, which I had received from Father LA COMBE, in which he wrote me an account of his present disposition, somewhat similar to mine, had such an effect, as to restore peace and calmness to my mind. I felt myself inwardly united to him, as to a person of great fidelity to the grace of God. Afterwards a woman appeared to me in a dream to be come down from Heaven, to tell me that GOD demanded me at GENEVA.

ABOUT eight or ten days before MAGDALEN'S day, 1680, it came into my mind to write to father LA COMBE, and to request him, if he received my letter before that day, to pray particularly

* GENEVA, a city of Savoy, and capital of the territory of Geneva; it is situated near the confines of France and Switzerland on the river Rhone, at the west end of the famous lake of Geneva, and is the great resort of the Calvinists from France, and other nations for education, it having been the place of Calvin's residence, and his disciples having had the dominion of that city ever since.

ticularly for me.

And it was so ordered, contrary even to my expectations, that he received my letter on St. MAGDALEN's eve, and when praying for me the next day, it was said to him, thrice over, with much power, "Ye shall both "dwell in one and the same place," he was very much surprized, as he never had received interior words before. I believe, oh my God, that that has been much more verified, both in our inward sense and experience, and in the same crucifying adventures which have befallen us, pretty much alike; and in thyself, who art our dwelling, than in any temporal abode: For, though I have been for some time in the same country with him, and thy Providence has furnished us with some opportunities of being together, yet it appears to me, that it is much more verified in the former, as we both have had the like experience of JESUS CHRIST crucified.

CHAP.

CHAP. XXVIII.

N that happy Magdalene's day, my soul was perfectly delivered from all its pains. It had already begun since the receipt of the first letter from Father LA COMBE, to recover a new life: It was then indeed only like that of a dead person raised, though not yet unbound from his grave-clothes: But on this day I was, as it were, in perfect life, and set wholly at liberty. I then found myself as much raised above nature, as before I had been depressed under its burden. I was inexpressibly overjoyed to find hiin, whom I thought I had lost for ever, returned to me again with unspeakable magnificence and purity. It was then, oh my GoD, that I found again in thee with new advantages, in an ineffable manner, all I had been deprived of: And the peace I now possessed was all holy, heavenly and inexpressible; all I had enjoyed before was only a peace, the gift of GOD, but now I received and possessed the GoD OF PEACE; yet the remembrance of my past misery, still brought a fear upon me, lest nature should find means to take to itself any part therein. As soon as it wanted to see or taste any thing, the spirit ever watchful crossed and repelled it. I was far from elevating myself then, or attributing to myself any thing of this new state: For my experience made me sensible what I was.

I HOPED I should enjoy this happy state for some time, but little did I think my happiness so great and immutable as it was. If one may judge of a good by the trouble which precedes it, I leave mine to be judged of, by the sorrows I had

Bb

I had undergone before my attaining to it. The Apostle PAUL tells us, that "the sufferings of "this life are not to be compared with the glory "that is prepared for us." How true is that even of this life? One day of this happiness was worth more than years of suffering. It was indeed at that time well worth all I had undergone, though it was then only dawning. An alacrity for doing good was restored to me, greater than ever. It seemed to be all quiet, free and natural to me. At the beginning this liberty was less extensive; but as I advanced it grew still greater. I had occasion to see Mon. BERTOT for a few moments, and just told him, I thought my state much changed, having scarce time to tell him any more. He seeming attentive to something else, answered, “No.” I believed him; for grace taught me to prefer the judgment of others, and rather believe them than my own opinions or experience. This did not give me any kind of trouble; for every state seemed equally indifferent so I had the favour of GOD. I felt a kind of beatitude, every day increasing in me. I did all sorts of good, without selfishness, or premeditation. Whenever a self re• flective thought was presented to my mind, it was instantly rejected, and as it were a curtain in the soul drawn before it. My imagination was kept so fixed, that I had now very little trouble on that head. I wondered at the clearness of · my mind and purity of my whole heart.

I RECEIVED a letter from Father LA COMBE, wherein he wrote that Gon had discovered to him that he had great designs in regard to me, "Let "them be, then said I to myself, either of justice "or mercy, all is equal to me." I still had