at the same time, my wrath and pride; for wrath is the daughter of pride. A person truly humbled suffers not any thing to put him in a rage. As it is pride which dies the last in the soul, so it is passion which is last destroyed in the outward conduct. A soul thoroughly annihilated, or dead to itself, finds nothing of rage left.

THERE are persons who, being very much filled with the unction of grace, and with a tranquil peace, at their entrance of the resigned path of light and love, think they are come thus far: But they are greatly mistaken. This they will readily discover, if they are heartily willing to examine two things; first if their nature is lively, warm and violent, (for I speak not of stupid tempers) they will find, from time to time, that they make slips, in which trouble and emotion have some share; and which even then are useful to humble and annihilate them. (But when annihilation is perfected all passion is gone, for it is incompatible with the state.) Moreover they will find that there often rises in them certain motions of anger, but the sweetness of grace holds them back by a secret violence: They would easily transgress, if in any wise they gave way to these motions: There are persons who think themselves very mild, because nothing thwarts them: It is not of such that I am speaking; for the mildness, which has never been put to the proof, is often only counterfeit. Those persons who, when unmolested appeared Saints, are no sooner exercised by vexing occurrences, than there starts up in them a strange number of faults, which they had thought to be dead; and which only lay dormant, because nothing awaked them.

I FOLLOWED my religious exercises. I shut myself up all the day to read and to pray. I gave all I had to the poor, taking even linen to their houses to make them necessaries. I taught them the catechism; and, when my parents dined abroad, I made them eat with me, and served them with great respect. I read the works of St. Francis de Sales and the life of Madam de Chantal. There I first learnt what mental prayer was, and I besought my confessor to teach me that kind of prayer, but as he did not, I used my own endeavours to practise it tho' without success, as I then thought, because I could not exercise the imagination; and persuaded myself, that that prayer could not be made without forming to one's self certain ideas and reasoning much. This difficulty gave me no small trouble, and that for a long time. I was nevertheless very assiduous therein, and prayed earnestly to God to give me the gift of prayer. All that I saw writ in the life of M. de Chantal charmed me; and I was so mere a child, that I thought I ought to do every thing that I saw in it. All the vows she had made I made also, as that of ever aiming at the highest perfection, and of doing the will of God in every thing. One day as I was reading that she had put the name of JESUS on her heart, to follow the counsel of the spouse "Set me as a seal upon thy heart,' and that for this purpose, she had taken a red hot iron, whereupon the holy name was engraven, I was very much afflicted that I could not do the same. I took it in my head to write that sacred and adorable name, in large characters, on a piece of paper. With ribbands and a big needle I fastened it to my skin in four places; and in that position it continued a long time.

AFTER this, I turned all my thoughts to become a nun, very often going to the visitation; for the love which

E

which I had for St. Francis de Sales did not permit me to think of any other community than this of which he was the founder. I frequently went to beg the nuns there to receive me into their convent. Often I stole out of my father's house to go thither and repeatedly solicited them to consent to my admission. But, tho' it was what they eagerly desired, even as a temporal advantage; yet they never durst let me enter their house, as they very much feared my father, whose fondness for me they were no strangers to. There was then at that house a niece of my father's, to whom I am under great obligations. Fortune had not been very favourable to her father, and had thereby reduced her in some sort to depend on mine, to whom she discovered my inclination; who, tho' he would not for any thing in the world have hindered a right vocation, yet could not hear of my design without shedding tears. But as he happened at this time to be abroad, my cousin went to my confessor, to desire him to forbid my going to the visitation. He durst not however do it plainly, for fear of drawing on himself the resentment of that community; for they already looked on me as their's. Yet I still wanted to be a nun, and importuned my mother excessively to take me to that house; but she would not do it, for fear of grieving my father, who was yet absent, and she still referred me to his return. As I saw that I could not obtain from her what I desired, I counterfeited her hand writing, and forged a letter in which she besought those ladies to receive me; excusing herself from coming with me on account of her illness.: But the prioress, who was a relation of my mother's, and well acquainted with her hand, at once detected the forgery.

CHAP.

Nh

CHAP. V.

O sooner was my father returned home, than he fell into a violent distemper. My mother was at the same time indisposed in another part of the house. I was then all alone with him, ready to render him every kind of service I was capable of, and to give him all the dutiful marks of a most sincere affection: And I don't doubt but my assiduity was very agreeable to him. I went, unperceived by him, to empty his basons; taking the time for it when the servants were not at hand; as well to mortify myself as to pay due honour to what JESUS CHRIST said, that he came not to be ministered to, but to minister. When he made me read by him, I read with such heart-felt devotion that he was surprised at it. I remembered the instructions my sister had given me, and the ejaculatory prayers and praises I had learned from her. She had taught me to praise thee, oh my GoD, in all thy works. All that I saw called upon me to render thee that homage. If it rained, I wished every drop to be changed into love and praises, My heart was nourished insensibly with thy love; and my spirit was incessantly engrossed with the remembrance of thee. I seemed to join and partake in all the good that was done in the world, and could have wished to have the united hearts of all men to love thee. This habit rooted itself so strongly in me, that I retained it throughout my greatest wanderings.

My cousin aforementioned helped not a little, to support me in these good sentiments: For I was often with her, and loved her, as she took great care of me, and treated me with much gentleness. Her

fortune

fortune being equal neither to her birth, nor her virtue, she did with charity and affection what her condition obliged her to. My mother grew jealous, fearing I should love my cousin too well, and herself too little. She who had left me in my young years to the care of her maids, and since that to my own, only enquiring if I was in the house, and troubling herself no further, now required me always to stay with her, and never suffered me to be with my cousin, but with very great reluctance. My cousin fell ill; she took that occasion to send her home, which was a severe stroke to my heart, as well as to that grace which began to dawn in me.

THO' my mother acted thus she was a very virtuous woman. But GOD permitted it for my exercise. She was one of the most charitable women of her age. She not only gave away the surplus, but even the necessaries of the house. Never were the needy neglected by her. Never any wretch came to her without succour. She furnished poor mechanics wherewith to carry on their work, and needy tradesmen wherewith to supply their shops. From her I think I inherited my charity and love for the poor: For GoD favoured me with the blessing of being her successor in that holy exercise. There was not one in the town, or its environs, who did not praise her for this great virtue. She has sometimes given to the last pistole in the house, tho' she had so large a family to maintain, and yet did not fail in her faith.

My mother's only care about me, had been all along to have me in the house; which indeed is one material point for a girl. And this habit, of being so constantly kept within, proved of great service to me after my marriage, as I shall tell in its due course. It would have been better had she

kept