These books are strange inventions to destroy youth: For if they caused no other hurt than the loss of our precious time, is not that too much? I was not restrained, but rather encouraged to read them under this fallacious pretext, that they taught one to speak well.

MEANWHILE, thro' thy abundant mercy, Oh my GOD, thou camest to seek me from time to time. Thou didst indeed knock at the door of my heart, I was often penetrated with the most lively sorrow and shed abundance of tears, I was afflicted to find my state so different from what it was when I enjoyed thy sacred presence; but my tears were fruitless and my grief in vain. I could not of myself get out of this wretched state. I wished some hand as charitable as powerful would extricate me, but as for myself I had no power. If I had had any friend, who would have examined the cause of this evil, and made me have recourse again to prayer, which was the only means of relief, all would have been well. I was (like the prophet) in a deep abyss of mire, which I could not get out of. I met with reprimands for being in it, but none were kind enough to reach out a helping hand to free me: And when I tried vain efforts to get out, I only sunk the deeper, and each fruitless essay made me see my own impotence, and rendered me more afflicted and miserable.

OH! how much compassion has this sad experience given me for sinners, as it has taught me why so few of them emerge from the miserable state into which they have fallen; because such as see it only cry out against their disorders, and frighten them with hreats of future punishment. These cries and threats at first make some impression, and they use some weak efforts after liberty: But, after

having experienced their insufficiency, they gradually abate in their design; and lose their courage for trying any more. And all that man can say

to them afterwards is but lost labour, tho' one preach to them incessantly. When any for relief run to confess, the only true remedy for them is prayer; to present themselves before GOD, as criminals; and to beg strength of him to rise out of this state; they would then soon be changed, and brought out of the mire and clay. But the devil has falsely persuaded the doctors and the wise men of the age, that, in order to pray, 'tis necessary first to be perfectly converted. Hence people are dissuaded from it, and hence there is rarely any conversion that is durable. The devil is outrageous only against prayer, and those that exercise it; because he knows it is the true means of taking his prey from him. He lets us undergo all the austerities we will, and neither persecutes those that enjoy them, nor those that practice them. But no sooner does one enter into a spiritual life, a life of prayer, but they must prepare for strange crosses. As all manner of persecutions and contempts in this world are reserved for that life.*

MISERABLE as the condition was to which I was reduced by my infidelities, and the little succour I had from my confessor, I did not fail to say my vocal prayers every day, to confess pretty

*WE see in this paragraph that she was, at the time of writing it, enlightened in a good degree to discover the emptiness and deception of two of the articles imposed by the Church of Rome as duties, viz. (1) The recourse to confessors for the cure of inward trouble, and (2) The use of bodily austerities; instead of both these, she recommends the faithful application of the soul to Him who is Omnipresent, and the only physician of value.

often,

often, and to communicate almost every fortnight. Sometimes I went to church to weep, and to pray to the blessed virgin to obtain my conversion. I loved to hear any one speak of God, and would never tire with the conversation. When my father spoke of him, I was transported with joy; and when he and my mother went on any pilgrimage, and were to set off very early in the morning, I either did not go to bed the night before, or hired the girls to wake me timely. My father's conversation at such times was always of divine matters, which afforded me the highest delight, and I preferred that subject to any other. I also loved the poor, and was charitable, even whilst I was so very faulty as I have described. How strange may this seem to some, and how hard to reconcile things so very opposite*!

С НА Р.

* HAVING speedily passed over her childish years, chequered with the dangers incident to that age, in respect both of her person and her morals, her scene of life begins to appear more interesting.

Now blooming in youth, extolled for her beauty, admired of some, and envied of others, she becomes exposed (but for a short space) to the snares of the world, and of her own vanity co-operating with them.

SOON, ah soon! she finds herself stopt in her career, snatched in her bloom, and involved in the miseries of a matrimonial state, not of her own choice, but imposed on her by that of her parents.

WE are now about entering a chapter, the perusal of which ma even strike the obdurate and insensible with some feelings of compassion for her early and sudden change; no longer at liberty to range in life, and look around it, in order to make a choice of what might be agreeable to her; instead of that, chained down.

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CHAP. VI.

FTERWARDS we came to Paris, where my vanity increased. No cost was spared to make me appear to advantage. I was forward enough to shew myself and expose my pride, in making a parade of this vain beauty, wanting to be loved of every one and to love none. Several

apparently advantageous offers of marriage were made for me; but Gon, unwilling to have me lost, did not permit matters to succeed. My father still found difficulties, which my all-wise Creator raised for my salvation; for had I married any of these persons, I should have been much exposed, and my vanity would have had means of extending itself in a wider circle.

THERE was one person who had asked for me in marriage for several years, whom my father, for family reasons, had always refused. His manners were opposite to my vanity. Nevertheless, a fear lest I should leave this country, together with

the

under ceaseless oppressions, without hope of freedom, where every thing was perpetually dark,, sour and grating.

HER troubles indeed, through the goodness of GOD to her, took the best turn, as they induced her to have recourse to him for his assistance to bear her hard lot: and to discharge every duty requisite in : Yet, certainly cruel is the conduct of parents, who, from sordid views, force their children for life into what is so opposite to their peace. Tho' the Father of Mercies often sanctifies troubles, yet he approves not our doing evil that good may come of it, or, committing sin that grace may abound.

the affluent circumstances of this gentleman, induced my father, in spite of both his own and my mother's reluctance, to promise me to him; which was done without consulting me. They made me sign the marriage articles without letting me know what they were; tho' I was well pleased with the thoughts of marriage, flattering myself with a hope of being thereby set at full liberty, and delivered from the ill treatment of my mother, which I drew upon myself by my want of docility: Yet GoD ordered it far otherwise; and the condition which I found myself in afterwards, frustrated my hopes; as I shall shew in the sequel.

How pleasing soever marriage was to my thoughts, I was all the time, after my being promised, and even long after my marriage, in extreme confusion, which arose from two causes: The first was my natural modesty, which I did not lose. I had much reserve towards men. The other was my vanity; for tho' the husband provided was a more advantageous match than I merited, yet I did not think him such: And the figure which the others made, who had offered to me before, was vastly more engaging. Their rank would have placed me in view: And as I consulted, in these things, nothing but my vanity, whatever did not flatter that, was to me insupportable; yet even this very vanity was I think of some advantage to me; for it hindred me from falling into such things as cause the ruin of families. I would not do any thing which in the eye of the world, might render me culpable; so strictly did I guard my exterior conduct. As I was modest at church, and had not been used to go abroad without my mother, and as the reputation of our house was great, I passed for virtuous.