Outwardly every thing appeared agreeable, but chagrin had so much overcome and ruffled my husband, that I had continually something to bear. Sometimes he threatened to throw the supper out of the windows: But I said to him," he would then "do me an injury, as I had a keen appetite." I made him laugh, and laughed with him. This appeased him; and the manner in which I spoke diverted him. Before that, melancholy prevailed over all my endeavours, and over the love he had for me. But GOD both armed me with patience, and gave me the grace to return him no answer : so that the devil, who attempted to draw me into some offence, was forced to retire in confusion, thro' the signal assistance of that grace.

I FELL into a languishing state; I loved my GoD and was unwilling to displease him, and I was inwardly grieved on account of that vanity, which still I found myself unable to eradicate: these inward distresses, together with those oppressive crosses, which I had daily to encounter, at length threw me into sickness; and as I was unwilling to incommode the Hotel de Longueville, I had myself moved to another house. The disease proved violent and extremely tedious, insomuch that the physicians despaired of my life. The priest, who was a pious man, seemed fully satisfied with the state of my mind, and said, "I should die like a saint." But my sins were too present to my mind, and too painful to my heart, to have such a presumption. At midnight they administered the sacrament to me, as they hourly expected my departure. It was a scene of general distress in the family, and among all that knew me. There were none indifferent to my death but myself, I beheld it without fear, and was rendered insensible to its approach. It was far otherwise with my husband

band, he was inconsolable, and in an agony of grief, when he saw there was no hope left; but I no sooner began to recover, than notwithstanding all his love his usual fretfulness returned. I now recovered almost miraculously; and to me this disorder proved a great blessing: for beside a very great patience under violent pains, it served to instruct me much in my view of the emptiness of all worldly things; it detached me from myself and gave me new courage to suffer better than I had yet done. The love of GOD gathered strength in my heart, with a desire to please and be faithful to him in my condition. I reaped several other advantages from it, which I need not relate. I had yet six months to drag along with a slow fever and hepatic flux. It was thought that would have brought me to my end. But thy time, Oh my GoD, was not yet arrived for taking me to thyself. Thy designs over me were widely different from the expectations of those about me; it being thy determination to make me both the object of thy mercy and the victim of thy justice.

CHAP.

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CHAP. VIII.

FTER long languishing at length I regained my former health; about which time my dear mother departed this life, in great tranquillity of mind; having, beside her other good qualities, been particularly charitable to the poor. This virtue, so acceptable to GOD, he was graciously pleased to begin rewarding even in this life, with sec'. a spirit of resignation, that though she was but twenty-four hours sick, she was made perfectly easy about every thing that was near and dear to her in this world. I now applied myself to my duties, nver failing to practise that of prayer twice a day. I watched over myself, to subdue my spirit continuay. I went to visit the poor in their houses, assist

them in their distempers and distresses; and did (according to my understanding) all the good I knew. Thou, oh my God, increased both my love and my patience, in proportion to my sufferings. I regretted not the temporal advantages with which my mother distinguished my brother above ne; yet at home they fell on me about that," as ab every thing else. I was also very much d tryssed with a second pregnancy, had for some tine a tertian ague, and was very feeble. I did not indeed serve thee yet with that fervour which thou, wast pleased to give me soon after: For I would still have been glad to reconcile thy love with the love of myself and of the creatures; and unhappily I always found some who loved me, and whom I could not forbear wishing to please; not that I loved them, but for the love I bore to myself.

A

A LADY,

father's

A LADY, who was an exile, came to my house. He offered her an apartment in it which she accepted, and staid there a long time. She was one of true piety and inward devotion. She had a great esteem for me, because I desired to love GOD, and employed myself in the exterior works of Charity. She remarked that I had the virtues of an active and bustling life; but had not yet attained the simplicity of prayer which she experienced. Sometimes she dropped a word to me on that subject: But as my time was not yet come, I did not understand her. Her example instructed me more than her words. I observed on her countenance something which marked a great enjoyment of the presence of GOD. This I tried, by the exertion of studied reflection and thoughts, to attain, but with much trouble to little purpose. I wanted have by my own efforts what I could not acqui but in ceasing from all efforts.

My Father's nephew, of whom I have made mention before, was returned from Cochinchina, to carry over some priests from Europe. I was exceeding glad to see him, well remembering what good his first passing by had done me. The Lady above mentioned was no less rejoiced than I; they und stood one another immediately and conversed tether in a spiritual language. The virtue of this e ce lent relation charmed me; and I admired his cont nual prayer without being able to comprehend it. I endeavoured to meditate, and to think on GOD without intermission, to utter prayers and ejaculations, but could not acquire, by all my toil, what GOD at length gave me himself, and which is experienced only in simplicity. My cousin did all te could to attach me more strongly to God. He conceived an exceeding great affection for me. The purity he observed in me from the corruptions I

of

of the age, the abhorrence of sin at a time of life when others are beginning to relish the pleasures of it, (for I was not yet eighteen) gave him a great tenderness for me. I complained to him of my faults ingenuously; for these I saw clearly; but as the difficulties I found, of entirely reforming myself much abated my courage, he cheered and exhorted me to support myself, and to persevere in my good endeavours for it. He would fain have introduced me into a more simple manner of prayer, but I was not yet prepared for it.

I BELIEVE his prayers were more effectual than his words; for no sooner was he gone out of my father's house, than thou, oh my divine Love! manifested thy favour to me. The desire I had to please thee, the tears I shed, the manifold pains I underwent, the labours I sustained, and the little fruit I reaped from them, moved thee with compassion. Such was the state of my soul, when thy goodness, overpassing all my vileness and infidelities, and abounding in proportion to my wretchedness now granted me in a moment, what all my own efforts could never pro- cure. For beholding me rowing with such laborious toil, the breath of thy divine operations turned in my favour, and carried me full sail over this sea of affliction.

I HAD often spoke to my confessor about the great anxiety it gave me to find I could not meditate, nor exert my imagination in order to pray. Subjects of prayer which were too extensive, were useless to me; such as were short and pithy suited me better; but my confessor, I found, did not comprehend the matter, or understand my meaning.

AT