of being dead, and having our life hid with Christ in God. It is only by a total death to self we can be lost in GOD. He who is thus dead has no farther need of mortification; for the very end of mortification is accomplished in him, and all is become new. It is an unhappy error in those good souls, who have arrived at a conquest of the bodily senses, thro' this unremitted and continual mortification, that they should still continue attached to the exercise of it; they should rather drop their attention thereto, and remain in indifference, accepting with equality, the good as the bad, the sweet as the bitter, and bend their whole attention, to a labour of greater importance; namely, the mortification of the mind and selfwill, beginning by dropping all the activity of self, which can never be done without the most profound prayer; no more than the death of the senses can be perfected, without profound recollection joined to mortification; and indeed recollection is the chief means, whereby we attain to a conquest of the senses, as it detaches and separates us from them, and sweetly saps the very cause from whence they derive their influence over us. THE more thou didst augment my love, and my patience, O my Lord, the less respite had I from the most oppressive crosses: But love rendered them easy to bear. O ye poor souls, who exhausted yourselves with needless vexation, if you would but seek GOD in your hearts, there would be a speedy period to all your troubles; for the encrease of crosses would proportionably encrease your delight. - LOVE, at the beginning, athirst for mortifi cation impelled me to seek and invent various kinds, and it is surprizing, that as soon as the bitterness of any new mode of mortification was exhausted, another kind was pointed to me, and I was inwardly led to pursue it, Divine Love so enlightened my heart, and so scrutinized into its secret springs, that the smallest defects became exposed. If I was about to speak, something wrong was instantly pointed to me, and I was compelled to silence: if I kept silence, faults herein were presently discovered,--in every action there was something defective, in my mortifications, my penances, my alms-givings, my retirement, I was faulty. When I walked, I observed there was something wrong; if I spoke any way in my own favour, I saw pride. If I said within myself, alas, I will speak no more, here was self. If I was cheerful and open I was condemned;-this pure Love found always matter for reproof in me, and was jealous that nothing should escape unnoticed. It was not that I was particularly attentive over myself, for it was even with constraint I could look at all at myself; as my attention towards GOD, by an attachment of my 'will to his, was without intermission, I waited continually upon him, and he watched incessantly over me, and he led me by his providence, that I forgot all things; I knew not how to communicate what I felt to any one. I was so lost to myself that I could scarcely go about self-examination; when I attempted it all ideas of myself immediately disappeared, and I found myself occupied with my ONE OBJECT, without distinction of ideas: I was absorbed in peace inexpressible; I saw by the eye of faith that it was GOD that thus wholly possessed possessed me; but I did not reason at all a bout it. IT must not however be supposed that Divine Love suffered my faults to go unpunished. O GOD! with what rigour dost thou punish the most faithful, the most loving and beloved of thy children. I mean not externally, for this would be inadequate to the smallest fault, in a soul that GOD is about to purify radically; and the punishments it can inflict on itself, are rather gratifications and refreshments than otherwise. Indeed the manner in which he corrects his chosen, must be felt, or it is impossible to conceive how dreadful it is; and in my attempt to explain it, I shall be unintelligible, except to experienced souls. It is an internal burning, a secret fire, sent from GOD to purge away the fault, giving extreme pain, until this purification is effected. It is like a dislocated joint, which is in incessant torment, until the bone is replaced. This pain is so severe, that the soul would do any thing to satisfy GOD for the fault, and would rather be torn in pieces than endure the torment. Sometimes she flies to others, and opens her state that she may find consolation, but thereby she frustrates GOD's designs towards her. It is of the utmost consequence to know what use to make of the distress, as the whole of one's spiritual advancement depends thereon. We should at these seasons of internal anguish, obscurity and mourning, co-operate with GOD, and endure this consuming torture in its utmost extent (whilst it continues) without attempting to lessen or encrease it; but bear it passively, nor seek to satisfy God by any thing we can do of ourselves. To conti nue I nue passive at such a time is extremely difficult, and requires great firmness and courage: knew some, who being defective herein, never advanced farther in the spiritual process, because they grew impatient under the pain, and quickly sought some means of consolation. But my Lord taught me to seek no redress, until he had, as it were, fully avenged himself. Oh how lovely, how rigidly just and pityless, yet how sweet are his dealings to his Beloved! I have endured this torment, not only many hours, but days, in proportion to the nature of my fault; a hasty word, an unguarded look, was punished with severity; and I saw clearly, that had I attempted to put my own hand to the work, under pretence of supporting the ark, I should have been punished like Uzza, Indeed it was inexpressibly difficult, to lie passive under these crucifying operations of the divine spirit. CHAP. TH CHAP. XII. HE treatment of my Husband and Motherin law, however rigorous and insulting, I now bore silently-and made them no replies, and this was not so difficult for me; because the greatness of my interior occupation, and what passed within, rendered me insensible to all the rest; yet there were times when I was left to myself: And then I could not refrain from tears, when they fell violently on me. I did the lowest offices for them, to humble myself; preventing such as has been used to do them: Yet all this did not win their favour. When they were in a rage, tho' I could not find that I had given them any occasion for it; yet I did not fail to beg their pardon, and even from the girl I have spoken of. I had a good deal of pain to surmount myself, as to the last; because she became the more insolent for it; reproaching me with things which ought to have made her blush, and to have covered her with shame. As she saw that I contradicted and resisted her no more in any thing, she proceeded to treat me still worse: And when I asked her pardon, for the very offences which she had given me, she triumphed, saying, "I knew very well I was in the right." Her arrogance. rose to that height, that I would not have treated. the meanest servant, or vassal, as she treated me. ONE day, as she was dressing me, she pulled me very roughly, and spoke to me very insolently. I said to her, "It is not on my account that I "am willing to answer you, for what you do gives me no pain, but lest you should act thus 66 "before |