Misadventures at Margate 2055 I rang the bell for Mrs. Jones, for she was down below, "Oh, Mrs. Jones, what do you think?—ain't this a pretty go? That horrid little vulgar Boy whom I brought here to-night He's stolen my things and run away!" Says she, "And sarve you right!” Next morning I was up betimes, I sent the Crier round, I went to "Jarvis' Landing-place," the glory of the town, And called me not tell. That sailor-man, he said he'd seen that morning on the shore A son of something-'twas a name I'd never heard before, A little "gallows-looking chap,”-dear me, what could he mean? With a "carpet-swab" and "mucking-togs," and a hat turned up with green. He spoke about his "precious eyes," and said he'd seen him "sheer," It's very odd that sailor-men should talk so very queer; And then he hitched his trousers up, as is, I'm told, their use, It's very odd that sailor-men should wear those things so loose. I did not understand him well, but think he meant to say the Nore. A landsman said, "I twig the chap,-he's been upon the Mill, And 'cause he gammons so the flats, ve calls him Veeping Bill!" He said "he'd done me werry brown," and "nicely stowed the swag, That's French, I fancy, for a hat, or else a carpet-bag. I went and told the constable my property to track; Not knowing what to do, I thought I'd hasten back to town, And beg our own Lord Mayor to catch the Boy who'd "done me brown." His Lordship very kindly said he'd try and find him out, But he "rather thought that there were several vulgar boys about." He sent for Mr. Whithair then, and I described "the swag," My mackintosh, my sugar-tongs, my spoons, and carpet-bag; He promised that the New Police should all their powers employ, But never to this hour have I beheld that vulgar Boy! MORAL Remember, then, that when a boy I've heard my Grandma tell, "BE WARNED IN TIME BY OTHERS' HARM, AND YOU SHALL DO FULL WELL!" Don't link yourself with vulgar folks, who've got no fixed abode, Tell lies, use naughty words, and say they "wish they may be blowed!" Don't take too much of double X!-and don't at night go out To fetch your beer yourself, but make the pot-boy bring your stout! "The Captain Stood on the Carronade" 2057 And when you go to Margate next, just stop and ring the bell, Give my respects to Mrs. Jones, and say I'm pretty well! Richard Harris Barham [1788-1845] "THE CAPTAIN STOOD ON THE CARRONADE" THE Captain stood on the Carronade-"First lieutenant," says he, "Send all my merry men aft here, for they must list to me: I haven't the gift of the gab, my sons, because I'm bred to the sea; That ship there is a Frenchman, who means to fight with we. Odds blood, hammer and tongs, long as I've been to sea, I've fought 'gainst every odds-but I've gained the victory. "That ship there is a Frenchman, and if we don't take she, 'Tis a thousand bullets to one, that she will capture we; I haven't the gift of the gab, my boys; so each man to his gun; If she's not mine in half an hour, I'll flog each mother's son. Odds bobs, hammer and tongs, long as I've been to sea, I've fought 'gainst every odds-and I've gained the victory." We fought for twenty minutes, when the Frenchman had enough; "I little thought," said he, "that your men were of such stuff;" The Captain took the Frenchman's sword, a low bow made to he; "I haven't the gift of the gab, monsieur, but polite I wish to be. Odds bobs, hammer and tongs, long as I've been to sea, I've fought 'gainst every odds-and I've gained the victory." Our Captain sent for all of us; "My merry men," said he, "I haven't the gift of the gab, my lads, but yet I thankful be; You've done your duty handsomely, each man stood to his gun; If you hadn't, you villains, as sure as day, I'd have flogged each mother's son. Odds bobs, hammer and tongs, as long as I'm at sea, FAITHLESS NELLY GRAY A PATHETIC BALLAD BEN BATTLE was a soldier bold, Now as they bore him off the field, And the Forty-second Foot!" The army-surgeons made him limbs: Now Ben he loved a pretty maid, But when he called on Nelly Gray, "O Nelly Gray! O Nelly Gray! Is this your love so warm? Should be more uniform!" Faithless Nelly Gray She said, "I loved a soldier once, For he was blithe and brave; But I will never have a man With both feet in the grave! "Before you had those timber toes, But then, you know, you stand upon "O Nelly Gray! O Nelly Gray! At duty's call I left my legs "Why, then," said she, "you've lost the feet Of legs in war's alarms, And now you cannot wear your shoes Upon your feats of arms!" "Oh, false and fickle Nelly Gray, "I wish I ne'er had seen your face; But now a long farewell! For you will be my death:-alas! You will not be my Nell!" Now when he went from Nelly Gray, His heart so heavy got, And life was such a burthen grown, It made him take a knot! So round his melancholy neck A rope he did entwine, 2059 |