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IN FOUR VOLUMES.
.......... Tetanda via est; quâ me quoque possim
On vent'rous wing in quest of praise I go,
PUBLISHED BY SAMUEL F. BRADFORD, NO. 4, SOUTH THIRD
THOMAS L. PLOWMAN, PRINTER.
No. XXXVI. SATURDAY, MARCH 10, 1753.
Qui nunc te fruitur credulus aureâ,
How often shall th' unpractis'd youth
With tears, alas! complain.
And scowl along the main!
Thus amiable and kind;
Nor heeds the faithless wind.
THE ladies, to whom I lately addressed some thoughts upon the choice of a husband, I shall today consider as married; and as I am very far from thinking that they may now sit down in negligent security, and remit at once their assiduity and circumspection, I shall warn them of some opinions of
which this conduct is the consequence, detect some errors by which the general intention of good nature may be disappointed, and endeavour to put them upon their guard against some propensities by which it may be overborne.
It is now necessary to remind them, that the passion which is supposed to animate the lover, the passion which is represented by flames and darts, which swells the bosom with perpetual rapture, and neither changes its object nor loses its ardour, exists only in poetry and romance. The real passion which wit and folly have thus concurred to disguise, is subject to disgust and satiety, is excited by novelty, and frequently extinguished by possession.
It is also equally true, that a refined and abstracted friendship between persons of different sexes, a union of souls, to which the corporal passion is merely accidental, is only to be found in the writings of those enthusiasts who have addressed the world from a cave or a college, and perhaps denied the force of desires which they could not subdue; or in the professions of insidious hypocrites, who have endeavoured thus to gain a confidence, which they, intend only to abuse. But there is an esteem which is meliorated by love, and a love that is elevated by esteem ; a kind of mixed affection, peculiar to mankind as beings compounded of instinct and reason, or, in other words, of body and mind. This is that species of affection, upon which the supreme or peculiar happiness of marriage depends, and which can scarce be preserved without a constant attention and perpetual efforts.
As love without esteem is volatile and capricious : esteem without love is languid and cold. I am afraid that many men, whose wives have possessed their esteem, have yet lavished their fortune and their fondness upon a mistress : and that the love of others, however ardent, has been quickly alienated, because it was not dignified and supported by esteem.
Though good-nature does indeed participate the pains and the pleasures of others, and may therefore be considered as a constant and forcible motive to communicate happiness and elleviate misery; yet it is at best but the imperfect excellence of imperfect beings, whose immediate gratifications are often selfish, and such as folly or vice render incompatible with the true happiness of the individual, and of each other.
As there is not, perhaps, upon earth, any couple, whose natural dispositions and relish of life are so perfectly similar, as that their wills constantly coincide; so it must sometimes happen that the immediate pleasure of indulging opposite inclinations, will be greater than a participation of that pleasure, which would arise to the other if this indulgence should be forborne : but as to forbear this indulgence can never fail to conciliate esteem, it should always be considered as a means of happiness, and rather as an advantage than a loss; especially if it be true, that the indulgence itself, in these circumstances, never gives the pleasure that it promises.
Lady Charlotte Sprightly, the wife of a young baronet, was dressing for an assembly a few nights ago, when Sir Harry came in. “My dear Charlotte,” says he, “ I ain sorry that you are going out to-night; for
my cousin George is just arrived from the East“ Indies : I have invited him to sup; and as he has u never seen you, I promised him your company.” “ Nay, dear Sir Harry,” replied the lady, “ do not “ ask me to stay at home to night; you know I am 6 fond of dancing, and now my fancy is set upon go“ing, I am sure you will not disappoint me.” Sir Harry, who was truly gooci-natured, would not urge her to stay; for to stay with apparent reluctance, would not have gratified his wish. She perceived that he was secretly displeased; however, away she went. But as she had not less good-nature than Sir Harry, she suffered so much pain by reflecting on the pain