of mustard seed. If such was the weakness of this grace even in the hearts of apostles, when their Lord was with them, be not cast down in despondency, though you have to complain. It is unspeakably desirable for faith to strengthen into full assurance; yet there may be a precious and saving faith in a heart, that feels many of the struggles of unbelief, and that clings to the Saviour with a trembling hand.

Notwithstanding the struggles of unbelief, if you have so much faith as leads you to give up earth for heaven, this is genuine ; for "This is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith."g

Though you may keep your hold on the gospel with a trembling hand; though you may feel and mourn the prevalence of unbelief; yet if you have such faith as renders Christ precious to you; as leads you to love his friends, to walk in his ways, and to count all things loss for him; this in his word, in plain and unequivocal language, is declared to be saving. To you that believe he is precious." If Christ is precious to you, it is plain you believe. "We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren."i "Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I com mand you." ." "Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God's sake, who shall not receive manifold more in this present time, and in the world to come life everlasting."

Nor must you suppose that the Saviour is unwilling to help you, because you feel the painful struggles, occasioned by an evil heart of unbelief. When the poor supplicant, begging relief for his child, exclaimed, "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief;"m did Jesus refuse his aid, and say, Subdue that unbelief; then come to me, and I will help you. Far was such conduct from his compassionate heart. Instead of this, he answered the supplicant's prayer, and strengthened his faith, by giving him his request. He is "the same yesterday, to-day, and for ever.' Wait then at his footstool till he bless. A time will come when unbelief shall die; one of its struggles be felt in the happy soul through eterna! ages.

חיי

nor

shall

(h) 1 Pet. ii. 10. (2) Luke xviii. 29, 30. Heb. xiii. 7.

§ 5. Perhaps your soul sinks within you on the review of former years. Conscience accuses you with thousands of crimes, and brings to remembrance mercies abused, sabbaths broken, sins committed without concern, iniquity drank in like water, and many long rebellious years employed in rebellion against God. Now you think, Can all these crimes be forgiven? Can one, who was so long and so zealously employed in the service of hell, ever reach heaven? Can one so sinful, so impure, as I have been, ever find admission to that holy world, where nothing that defileth can enter ?

Perhaps your discouragement springs, not so much from what you were, as from what you are. You feel that every grace you have is so weak; that so many imperfections and defects adhere to you; you find in yourself much backwardness to good, much proneness to evil; you lament wandering affections and sinful inclinations. You are ready to exclaim, I am like no one else; no heart is so hard as mine. I can neither repent, nor believe, nor love, nor obey as I ought. I am nothing but unworthiness.

Do some or all these things sink you in depression? Then consider for what did Jesus come. Was it not to save the lost? Can you be more lost than utterly lost? yet such are those he came to seek and save, and such were many that have felt his saving power. See in David a murderer pardoned; in Paul, a persecutor and blasphemer forgiven and saved. See from the Corinthian church many admitted to heaven, that once were extortioners, and drunkards, and forpicators, and adulterers, and idolaters, and even guilty of nameless abominations. But when the Spirit brought them to repentance, the blood of Jesus blotted out all their atrocious crimes, and it could be said to them, "Ye are washed, ye are sanctified, ye are justified by the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God." You are not to seek comfort from the hope, that your crimes have been small; but from reposing your hope on Him whose blood cleanses from all sin. Did the servant, who sought mercy when he owed ten thousand talents, meet a refusal because the debt was so great? Did the creditor forgive the debtor, who owed fifty pence, but refuse to forgive him, who owed five hundred? Did he not forgive one as well as the other? and he that had most forgiven loved the most.

302

FEARS THAT REPENTANCE

“But I am so unworthy." It is true, you are; and the better you know yourself, the deeper will be this impression Not one of your actions ever was holy enough to stand the investigation of God's pure and searching eye. What worthiness can be expected in a criminal, condemned deservedly to die? How much less can worthiness be expected in a sinner, the wages of whose sin was death, eternal death!-Worthiness of good in such a case is impossible. They_that_are worthy of hell, can be worthy of nothing besides. This you, and all, have deserved; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ. If accepted by God, you will be accepted in him, the Beloved. If eternal life is your portion, you must receive it, and enjoy it, as the gift of God.

Allow me to inquire, Does not discouragement on these grounds savour of a legal spirit? Is not there still in your heart a leaning to a righteousness of your own? If you look for forgiveness as an act of grace, and salvation as a blessing given to a poor condemned, hell-deserving sinner, why these fears? They seem to flow from a self-righteous bias, which would encourage you to hope at least a little from some worthiness possessed, or some freedom from grosser crimes, and because you do not feel that worthiness, and remember those crimes, therefore this ground of your hope is shaken. Look to Jesus, as altogether ruined in yourself, and expecting your all in him, and then you need not fear.

§ 6. Perhaps with these painful feelings you connect the apprehension that your repentance was not sufficiently deep. You remember the number of your sins, and the fewness of your tears; the evil of your iniquities, and the weakness of your sorrows; when bewailing those transgressions. Or you think what pangs of penitential grief some have experienced; but you have not felt the same; or what joys and peace they have found, far surpassing all that you ever experienced. Hence you are disposed to conclude, Surely I am not a Christian.

Draw not this conclusion hastily. Some whose convic tions and penitence have appeared very deep and strong, have soon returned to their wallowing in iniquity; while others, whose impressions were gentle as the descent of evening dew, by lives of humble piety have afterwards proved, that their repentance was real, and the change in their hearts

IS NOT SUFFICIENTLY DEEP.

303

the effect of a divine hand. God sometimes displays his power in tempests and tornadoes but oftener in the gentle breakings of the day. God does not work in all alike. John, and James, and Peter, and Matthew hearkened to a gentle call, and followed Christ. No terrors alarmed them; and probably the change effected by divine grace in their hearts, was as gentle as the opening of a summer's morning. But Paul, overwhelmed with terrors, was struck speechless to the earth; and the gaoler felt probably as great a commotion in his breast, as the earthquake which shook the foundations of the prison. Repentance must be known not by the strength of its pangs, but by the fruits it produces. The most tormenting pangs of sorrow are not true repentance, if they do not inspire the soul with hatred of sin, and urge it to Jesus for peace and salvation. If your repentance has been so deep as to fill you with hatred of sin; as to lead you to forsake, and watch, and pray against sin in all its forms; and as to urge you to flee to the Lord Jesus, and to accept him as your Saviour, your Lord, and your all, it is genuine, it is saving. Do not therefore imagine that others have no grace, whose experience has not been a copy of yours; nor suppose that you have none, because yours does not exactly resemble theirs. If you trust in the same blood, if you love the same Saviour, if you walk in the same path, serve the same God, and seek the same heaven, depend upon it you have felt the influence of the same Spirit; and though the operation has differed, the effect is the same. If you saw a valley, like that seen in vision by Ezekiel, covered with the dead, but among the lifeless multitudes a few possessed of life and vigour; part of which had been raised suddenly from death, and the other part so gradually, that none could tell when the vital spark was infused, would it be argued, that these were not alive, because they had risen so imperceptibly into life? or would it be reasonable for any of these to doubt their possession of the life they felt, because they could not trace its first motions on their frame? You. live in a dead world; and if you feel a spiritual life begun, be thankful and rejoice in your God, though you should be unable to tell the time when he breathed into you the breath of life. To know that you live is unspeakably momentous; but to know when that life began, is of much lest moment.

304

WANT OF SPIRITUAL COMFORT.

§ 7. Perhaps you lament, that while you wish to be differ. ent you feel so little improvement. You try to pray with all the earnestness you can; yet still find a cold heart, and dead affections. You wish for freedom from worldly thoughts when praying; yet still they haunt your soul, and distract your mind. You gain no sensible answer from God, no comfortable sense of his love shed abroad in your heart; but day rolls on after day, and week after week, and you are still cold, unhappy, and depressed. Perhaps you can say, I have sought the Saviour, and if I perish, will at his feet; yet no comfort comes into my soul. I seek the rest he promises; but feel none of the delight and tranquillity that I have prayed and expected to find.

Perhaps, in mercy, God for a time withholds the blessings, or the sensible enjoyment of the blessings, you solicit; yet persevere, and you will obtain them. The woman of Canaan, that pleaded for her daughter, seemed to meet a refusal from even the compassionate Jesus. Again she asked, again he seemed to deny; but it was to exercise her faith, and let its strength and power appear. God long waited, while you refused to listen; why should you be surprised, if he now expect you to persevere in imploring blessings, before he lets you feel that you possess them?

Consider too, that they who have true desires for grace, have so much grace as to be blessed. The Lord says, "Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled." They who hunger and thirst after any good, feel their want, and experience earnest and painful desire; a desire that never can be satisfied, but with the wishedfor blessing. Give to him that is tormented with hunger or thirst, a heap of gold or jewels; this would not relieve his wants. If your desires after spiritual good are those earnest restless desires, that the possession of a world would not satisfy, but that an interest in the Saviour would, amidst all your conflicts, doubts, and fears, you still are blessed; for, "Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness."

§ 8. Perhaps you mourn the loss of comforts which you once enjoyed. There was a time when you were cheered with the presence of God. Your soul rejoiced in his love. Your heart glowed with love to him. Your hopes were bright. You anticipated immortality with pleasure. You looked to