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ON SPIRITUAL DESERTION.

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the Saviour with grateful delight, and could say, He loved me, and gave himself for me; but now your joy is changed for mourning; your day for night; your light for darkness; your peace and tranquillity for doubt and fear. You fear that God has withdrawn from you, and say, "O that I were as in months past, as in the days when God preserved me; when his candle shined upon my head, and when by his light I walked through darkness." Now, instead of possessing cheering comforts, you walk in darkness and have no light. Your heaven is clothed with blackness. The light of God's countenance is withdrawn, and he hides his face from you. You fear that you have been a self-deceiver. You walk in darkness, and your prospects for eternity are full of uncertainty; you know not whither you are travelling, to heaven or hell you are full of fearful apprehensions; and all that should fill your soul with comfort, only tends to increase your sorrows.

Painful as is this condition, all its pains and sorrows have been felt by many, who now rest in heaven. Many a child of light has walked in darkness; many an heir of heaven encountered doubts, and fears, and terrors by the way. The word of God represents those who are the heirs of "an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, reserved in heaven for" them, as "for a season, if need be, in heaviness through manifold temptations ;" and directs his children how to act in circumstances so painful. "Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? let him trust in the name of the Lord, and stay upon his God."P

If thus overwhelmed with spiritual distress, devoutly inquire, whence proceeds your sorrow? Why has God withdrawn his presence from you? Why does he permit you to walk in darkness? Perhaps the cause lies in yourself. You have perhaps yielded to some temptation, or indulged in some besetting sin. Hence flows your want of peace, your dread of God. Your own conscience condemns you. An uneasy conscience has perhaps kept you from the throne of grace. If it be so, be assured that God is dealing in mercy with you, to deprive you of spiritual peace. You cannot expect that God should become the minister of sin, and encourage you in it, by favouring you as much with spiritual comforts, when

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WALKING IN DARKNESS,

you sin against him, as when you watch, and pray, and wal! humbly with him. If this is the source of your happines never expect peace till the sin which brings your sorrow & forsaken. Would you enjoy that blessing, flee from your sin; exercise renewed repentance; apply to the blood of sprinkling; and walk humbly and holily with your God.

Perhaps if you have not been indulging in what is esteemed positively sinful, you have given way to a light and thoughtless spirit; have indulged in levity inconsistent with your profession, or in trifling unworthy of an heir of heaven. This is a frequent cause of spiritual distress.

There are, however, many reasons, for which God may suffer his children for a time to walk in darkness, even where they have not been indulging in sin or levity.

$9. Perhaps God designs to deepen your humility. Thankfulness to God rises highest in the happy days of spiritual joy; but humility is often strengthened most in the dark hours of spiritual distress. Then when the Christian sees utter unworthiness clinging to all he is, and all he does; then when he discerns such a world of iniquity in his heart, that the sight surprises and alarms his soul; then it is that he sinks into the depths of self-abasement, and feels that salvation is all of grace. Perhaps you need to sink there, to strip you of spiritual pride, or to wean you from all self-dependence, and to make you feel your utter helplessness, wretchedness, and ruin. Something of this the Christian learns when he is convinced of sin, and enters the way of religion by receiving the Saviour; but this important lesson is often taught him more impressively in the dark day of spiritual sorrow, than it was in the hours of his early penitence.

Or perhaps, by leaving you for a while in darkness, God designs to teach you more of the Saviour's worth, and to cause you to bind the gospel closer to your heart. Perhaps, though you felt so much sorrow for sin as led you to Christ, you have not felt enough of the worth of Christ; but now, while the remembrance of former sins distresses you, and you discern in your own heart an extent of iniquity before unthought of; now you can say, with feelings hitherto unknown by you, I am the chief of sinners, but Jesus died for me. Perhaps God intends to teach you to prize your mercies and his presence more. Light is most sweet when coming out of darkness;

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health, when rising from the bed of pain; liberty, when escaping from confinement; and summer, after a long and dreary winter: so the soul learns to prize the presence of God, by being for a time denied that joy. A young disciple of Jesus, who had lost much of her comfort by giving way to a light and trifling spirit, lately observed to the writer, that if she could again attain what she once enjoyed, and which she thought she should never lose, she would not part with it again for ten thousand worlds. Perhaps you have not valued your mercies enough; seek them again, and when obtained, prize them more; and press onward to that happy world, where no cloud will ever rise, no drooping winter be felt in the soul; but God's presence will be enjoyed through one

eternal day.

Perhaps God permits you to walk in darkness, that he may exercise and brighten your graces. Faith and love are exercised most in the dark and cloudy day of sorrow. To believe when all is pleasing, when peace smiles on the soul, and comforts bestrew its way, is an easy thing; but to believe when all is dark and dreary, when no comfort is felt within, when no light is seen without-this is the faith that God values. To love when the soul feels the assurance of God's love, and the joys that love imparts, is easy; but to love when his presence is withdrawn, when doubts and fears infest the soul, when hope is languishing, and comforts apparently dead-this is love of a stronger, nobler kind. God doubtless often exercises his children with spiritual trials, to call faith and love into such exercise. Thus they who are in heaviness through manifold temptations, are said to be so, "That the trial of their faith might be found unto praise, and honour, and glory, at the appearing of Jesus Christ."g

$10. Be not therefore dismayed, if comfort seems for a while withdrawn from you. If the cause lies obviously in your sin, lukewarmness, or negligence, seek grace to correct it; but if you cannot find it there, then think what may be the intention of the Most High, in thus trying you, and pray that the design may be fully accomplished.

Look at a harvest

The dealings of God in the dispensations of his grace, often resemble those in the world of nature. field. Behold the waving crop ready for the garner. Yet think

(9) 1 Pet. i. 7. Job xiii. 15. Hab. iii. 17, 18.

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what various changes it has undergone. If the year had bee all winter, the seed would not have grown; if all summer, it would have been parched up; if all wet, it would have rotted; if all dry, it would have withered. God has given a right proportion of each, and the field is white unto the harvest. There is a field whence a more precious harvest is reaped; it is the field of this world; that harvest consists of immortal multitudes, ripened for heaven. To them all health, or all sickness; all pain, or all pleasure; all grief, or all gladness; all light, or all darkness; might be equally injurious. They have corruptions to be killed, and they want the winter frost; they have graces to be matured, and they want the summer sun. If all were health, they might forget the vanity of life; if all were sickness, be unfitted for its business. If all were spiritual joy, they might be happy, but not so humble. If all were light, they might be zealous; but where would faith find occasion for its exercise? and how would they ever look into the dark recesses of their own hearts? If all were spiritual sorrow, they might sink beneath the withering power of despondency. But God, their gracious God, portions to every one the needful share of health and sickness, ease and pain. Gives spiritual peace, that they may run in the way of his commandments; or withdraws his presence, and leaves them in darkness, that he may lay them low at his feet; or correct them for their sins; or kill their corruptions; or exercise their graces; and he does all things well.

§ 11. Perhaps you imagine that your want of spiritual comfort argues that you are destitute of divine grace, and that you have always been a deceiver. Indeed we should watch against self-deception; and such fears should occasion serious self-examination: but if after such examination, you find no real reason for indulging such fears, reject them as the suggestions of the wicked one, designed to harass and distress your soul. Perhaps you say, If I could love God, I should be happy; I wish to love him; I mourn my want of love; I desire nothing so much as his favour; and should prize it more than all the world; and yet I fear, I have no portion in his love. But whence these fears? this anxiety, this esteem for God's salvation? That heart must feel something of God's grace, that feels such anxiety and such desires. There was a time, when you had no such feelings, and no

SOME SORROWS A PROOF OF GRACE.

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such sorrows; and if you were as dead to God now, as you were then, you would have no such sorrows now. Do you not feel as much concern to walk with God, as you did when your sun shone brightest? is not sin as odious? is not Christ as precious? Think not then that you have no grace, because you for a while may have no comfort. Were you to see a dutiful child, that was always concerned to do his father's will, and fearful of displeasing him, lamenting bitterly that he did not love his father more, and desiring, above all earthly good, a stronger affection for his parent; would you not argue, that child loves his father, though he now hardly believes it; If he had no love, he would feel no such sorrows, and cherish no such desires. You may apply similar reasoning to your own case, or that of any child of God, who walks in darkness, but who walks with God.

An aged Christian in much distress of mind, was once complaining to a friend of his miserable condition; and among other things said, "That which troubles me most is, that God will be dishonoured by my fall." His friend hastily catching at this expression, used it for the purpose of consoling him: "Art thou careful of the honour of God? and dost thou think God hath no care of thee, and of thy salvation? A soul forsaken of God, cares not what becomes of the honour of God. Therefore be of good cheer: if God's heart were not towards thee, thine would not be towards God, or towards the remembrance of his name."

12. Perhaps with some or all of these inward conflicts and sorrows, you have to encounter outward opposition. The world reviles and slanders you, because you are no longer conformed to its corruptions. You are perhaps represented as a schismatic, an enthusiast, or a fanatic; or as a melancholy creature, going out of your senses, because you will follow the dictates of Jesus, and tread where he trod before you. Your regard to his precepts is deemed unnecessary preciseness; your religion is pronounced hypocrisy; and your wisdom folly. Your former associates make you the butt of their ridicule. Your nearest relatives oppose your holy choice; and are changed into enemies because you have embraced the gospel of Jesus. Perhaps some who read these lines, may have parents who even threaten to disown them, and to cast them helpless on the wide world, if they adhere to their religion;

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