The modern British drama

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you.

Hear me, ungrateful hell-hound! did not I
Make purses for you? then you licked my boots,
And thought your holiday cloak too coarse to
clean them.

'Twas I, that when I heard thee swear, if ever Thou could'st arrive at forty pounds, thou would'st

Live like an emperor; 'twas I that gave it,
In ready gold. Deny this, wretch!
Tap. I must, sir.

For, from the tavern to the tap-house, all,
On forfeiture of their licences, stand bound

Never to remember who their best guests were, If they grew poor like you.

Well. They are well rewarded

That beggar themselves to make such cuckolds

rich.

Thou viper, thankless viper! impudent bawd!
But since you are grown forgetful, I will help
Your memory, and tread thee into mortar;
Not leave one bone unbroken. [Beats him again.
Tap. Oh!

Froth. Ask mercy!

Well. "Twill not be granted.

Enter ALLWORTH.

Allw. Hold, for my sake, hold!

Deny me, Frank? they are not worth your anger. Well. For once thou hast redeemed them from this sceptre : [Shaking his cudgel. But let them vanish, creeping on their knees; And if they grumble, I revoke my pardon.

Froth. This comes of your prating, husband; you presumed

On your ambling wit, and must use your glib tongue,

Though you are beaten lame for't.
Tap. Patience, Froth;
There's law to cure our bruises.

[They go off on their hands and knees. Well. Sent to your mother?

Allw. My lady, Frank, my patroness! my all! She's such a mourner for my father's death, And, in her love to him, so favours me, That I cannot pay too much observance to her.

There are few such stepdames.

Well. 'Tis a noble widow,

And keeps her reputation pure, and clear
From the least taint of infamy: her life,

With the splendour of her actions, leaves no
tongue

To envy or detraction.
Has she no suitors?

Pr'ythee, tell me ;

Alla. Even the best of the shire, Frank,
My lord excepted: such as sue, and send,
And send, and sue again; but to no purpose.
Their frequent visits have not gained her pre-

sence;

Yet she's so far from sullenness and pride,
That I dare undertake you shall meet from her
A liberal entertainment. I can give you
A catalogue of her suitors' names.
Well. Forbear it,

While I give you good counsel. I am bound
to it.

Thy father was my friend; and that affection
I bore to him, in right descends to thee:
Thou art a handsome and a hopeful youth,

Nor will I have the least affront stick on thee,

If I with any danger can prevent it.

Well. Grant this true,

As I believe it; canst thou ever hope
To enjoy a quiet bed with her, whose father
Ruined thy state?

Allw. And yours too.

Well. I confess it.

True; I must tell you as a friend, and freely,
That, where impossibilities are apparent,
'Tis indiscretion to nourish hopes.

Canst thou imagine (let not self-love blind thee)
That sir Giles Overreach (that to make her great
In swelling titles, without touch of conscience,
Will cut his neighbour's throat, and I hope his
own too)

Will e'er consent to make her thine? Give o'er,
And think of some course suitable to thy rank,
And prosper in it.

Allw. You have well advised me;
But, in the mean time, you, that are so studious
Of my affairs, wholly neglect your own.
Remember yourself, and in what plight you are.
Well. No matter, no matter.
Alla. Yes, 'tis much material:

You know my fortune, and my means; yet some-
thing

Allw. I thank your noble care; but, pray you, I can spare from myself, to help your wants.

in what

Do I run the hazard?

Well. Art thou not in love?

Put it not off with wonder.

Alle. In love, at my years?

Well. You think you walk in clouds, but are transparent.

I have heard all, and the choice that you have
made;

And, with my finger, can point out the north star
By which the loadstone of your folly's guided.
And, to confirm this true, what think ye of
Fair Margaret, the only child and heir

Of cormorant Overreach? Dost blush and start,
To hear her only named? Blush at your want
Of wit and reason.

Alla. You are too bitter, sir.

Well. Wounds of this nature are not to be cured

With balms, but corrosives. I must be plain :
Art thou scarce manumized from the porter's
lodge,

And yet sworn servant to the pantoffle,
And dar'st thou dream of marriage?

-I fear

"Twill be concluded for impossible,
That there is now, or e'er shall be hereafter,
A handsome page, or player's boy of fourteen,
But either loves a wench, or drabs love him;
Court-waiters not exempted.

Alla. This is madness.
Howe'er you have discovered my intents,
You know my aims are lawful; and if ever
The queen of flowers, the glory of the spring,
The sweetest comfort to our smell, the rose,
Sprang from an envious briar, I may infer,
There's such disparity in their conditions,
Between the goddess of my soul, the daughter,
And the base churl, her father.

Well. How's this?

Allw. Nay, be not angry. There's eight pieces,
To put you in better fashion.

Well. Money from thee?

From a boy, a stipendiary? one that lives
At the devotion of a step-mother,

And the uncertain favour of a lord?
I'll eat my arms first. Howsoe'er blind fortune
Hath spent the utmost of her malice on me;
Though I am vomited out of an alehouse,
And thus accoutred; know not where to eat,
Or drink, or sleep, but underneath this canopy;
Although I thank thee, I despise thy offer.
And as I, in my madness, broke my state,
Without the assistance of another's brain,
In my right wits I'll piece it; at the worst,
Die thus, and be forgotten.

Allw. A strange humour! [Exeunt severally.

SCENE II-A Chamber in Lady ALLWORTH'S
House.

Enter ORDER, AMBLE, FURNACE, and WATCH

ALL.

Order. Set all things right, or, as my name is
Order,

And by this staff of office that commands you,
This chain, and double ruff, symbols of power,
Whoever misses in his function,

For one whole week makes forfeiture of his break.
fast,

And privilege in the wine cellar.
Amble. You are merry,

Good master steward.

Furn. Let him; I'll be angry.

Amble. Why, fellow Furnace, 'tis not twelve
o'clock yet,

Nor dinner taking up; then 'tis allowed
Cooks, by their places, may be choleric.

Furn. You think you have spoke wisely, goodman Amble,

My lady's go-before.

Order. Nay, nay, no wrangling.

Furn. Twit me with the authority of the kit-
chen?

At all hours, and all places, I'll be angry;
And, thus provoked, when I am at my prayers
I will be angry.

Amble. There was no hurt meant.

But will you never taste but spoonmeat more?

Furn. I am friends with thee, and yet I will To what use serve I?

be angry.

Order. With whom?

Lady. Prithee be not angry;

I shall ere long; in the mean time there is gold

Furn. No matter whom : yet, now I think on't, To buy thee aprons and a summer suit.

I am angry with my lady.

Watch. Heaven forbid, man!

Order. What cause has she given thee?
Furn. Cause enough, master steward:
I was entertained by her to please her palate,
And, till she forswore eating, I performed it.
Now, since our master, noble Allworth, died,
Though I crack my brains to find out tempting

Furn. Matter! with six eggs and a strike of rye meal,

I had kept the town till doomsday, and perhaps longer.

Order. But what's this to your pet against my lady?

Furn. What's this? marry this: when I am three parts roasted,

And the fourth part par-boiled, to prepare her
viands,

She keeps her chamber, dines with a panada,
Or water-gruel; my sweat never thought on.
Order. But your art is seen in the dining room.
Furn. By whom?

By such as pretend love to her; but come
To feed upon her. Yet, of all the harpies
That do devour her, I am out of charity
With none so much, as the thin-gutted squire,
That's stolen into commission.

Order. Justice Greedy?

Furn. The same, the same. Meat's cast away
upon him

It never thrives. He holds this paradox,
Who eats not well, can ne'er do justice well.
His stomach's as insatiate as the grave, or strum-
pet's ravenous appetites.

Amble. One knocks.

[ALLWORTH knocks, and enters. Order. Our late young master. Amble. Welcome, sir.

Furn. Your hand:

Furn. I am appeased, and Furnace now grows

cool.

Lady. And, as I gave directions, if this morning
I am visited by any, entertain them
As heretofore: but say, in my excuse,
I am indisposed.

Order. I shall, madam.

Lady. Do, and leave me.

[Exeunt ORDER, AMBLE, FURNACE, &c.

Nay, stay you, Allworth.
Allw. I shall gladly grow here,
To wait on your commands..
Lady. So soon turned courtier!

Allw. Style not that courtship, madam, which
is duty,

Purchased on your part.

Lady. Well, you shall o'ercome;

I'll not contend in words. How is it with
Your noble master?

Allw. Ever like himself;

No scruple lessened in the full weight of ho

nour:

He did command me (pardon my presumption),
As his unworthy deputy, to kiss
Your ladyship's fair hands.

Lady. I am honoured in

His favour to me. Does he hold his purpose
For the Low Countries?

Allw. Constantly, good madam:

But he will, in person, first present his service.
Lady. And how approve you of his course?

you are yet,

Like virgin parchment, capable of any
Inscription, vicious or honourable.

I will not force your will, but leave you free
To your own election.

Allw. Any form you please

I will put on: but, might I make my choice,
With humble emulation, I would follow
The path my lord marks to me.

Lady. 'Tis well answered,

And I commend your spirit: you had a father,
(Blessed be his memory) that some few hours -
Before the will of Heaven took him from me,
Who did commend you, by the dearest ties
Of perfect love between us, to my charge:
And, therefore, what I speak, you are bound to
hear

If you have a stomach, a cold bake-meat's ready. With such respect as if he lived in me.

Order. His father's picture in little.

Furn. We are all your servants.

He was my husband; and howe'er you are not
Son of my womb, you may be of my love,

Lady. I much hope it.

These were your father's words: If e'er my son
Follow the war, tell him it is a school
Where all the principles, tending to honour,
Are taught, if truly followed: But for such
As repair thither, as a place in which
They do presume they may, with license, practise
Their lusts and riots, they shall never merit
The noble name of soldiers. To dare boldly
In a fair cause, and, for their country's safety,
To run upon the cannon's mouth undaunted;
To obey their leaders, and shun mutinies;
To bear, with patience, the winter's cold,
And summer's scorching heat, and not to faint,
When plenty of provision fails, with hunger,
Are the essential parts make up a soldier:
Not swearing, dice, or drinking.

Alla. There's no syllable

You speak, but is to me an oracle;
Which but to doubt were impious.
Lady. To conclude;

Beware ill company; for often men

Are like to those with whom they do converse: And from one man I warn you, and that's Wellborn:

Not 'cause he's poor; that rather claims your pity;

But that he's in his manners so debauched,
And hath to vicious courses sold himself.
'Tis true, your father loved him, while he was
Worthy the loving; but, if he had lived
To have seen him as he is, he had cast him off,
As you must do.

Álla. I shall obey in all things.

Lady. Follow me to my chamber; you shall have gold

To furnish you like my son, and still supplied
As I hear from you.

Alla. I am still your creature.

[Exeunt.

Greedy. Is it of the right race? Ord. Yes, Master Greedy.

Amb. How his mouth runs over! Furn. I'll make it run and run. Save your good worship!

Greedy. Honest Master Cook, thy hand; again! How I love thee!

Are the good dishes still in being? speak, boy. Furn. If you have a mind to feed, there is a chine

Of beef well seasoned.
Greedy. Good.

Furn. A pheasant, larded.

Greedy. That I might now give thanks for't! Furn. Other kick-shaws;

Besides, there came last night, from the forest of
Sherwood,

The fattest stag I ever cooked.
Greedy. A stag, man?

Furn. A stag, sir; part of it prepared for dinner,

And baked in puff-paste.

Greedy. Puff-paste, too, Sir Giles!

A ponderous chine of beef! a pheasant larded! And red deer, too, Sir Giles, and baked in puff

paste!

All business set aside, let us give thanks here. Furn. How the lean skeleton's rapt!

Over. You know we cannot.

Mar. Your worships are to sit on a commis

sion,

Aud if you fail to come, you lose the cause. Greedy. Cause me no causes; I'll prove 't, for such a dinner,

We may put off a commission; you shall find it Henrici decimo quarto.

Over. Fie, Master Greedy!

Will you lose me a thousand pounds for a din. ner?

No more, for shame! We must forget the belly, When we think of profit.

Greedy. Well, you shall o'er-rule me.

I could even cry now. Do you hear me, Master
Cook?

Send but a corner of that immortal pasty;
And I, in thankfulness, will, by your boy,
Send you a brace of three-pences.

Furn. Will you be so prodigal ?
Over. Remember me to your lady.

Enter WELLBORN.

sake,

Or I shall swoon.

Wom. I begin to faint already.

[Exeunt Waiting-woman and Chambermaid. Furn. Will you know your way? Amb. Or shall we teach it you,

By the head and shoulders?

Well. No; I will not stir:

Do you mark, I will not. Let me see the wretch
That dares attempt to force me. Why, you slaves,
Created only to make legs, and cringe;
To carry in a dish, and shift a trencher;
That have not souls only to hope a blessing
Beyond black jacks or flaggons; you that were

born

Only to consume meat and drink, and batten
Upon reversions!- -Who advances? who
Shews me the y?
way

Ord. My lady 1

Or, though it be against my gentler temper,
I shall take order you no more shall be
An eye-sore to me.

Well. Scorn me not, good lady;
But as, in form, you are angelical,

Imitate the heavenly natures, and vouchsafe
At the least a while to hear me. You will grant,
The blood that runs in this arm is as noble
As that which fills your veins. Those costly
jewels,

And those rich clothes you wear; your swelling titles,

Equipage, and fortune; your men's observance,
And women's flattery, are in you no virtues ;
Nor these rags, with my poverty, in me vices.
You have a fair fame, and, I know, deserve it;
Yet, lady, I must say, in nothing more,
Than in the pious sorrow you have shewn
For your late noble husband.

Ord. How she starts!

Furn. And hardly can keep her finger from the eye,

To hear him named.

Lady. Have you aught else to say?

Well. That husband, madam, was once, in his

fortune,

Almost as low as I. Want, debts, and quarrels,
Lay heavy on him: let it not be thought
A boast in me, though I say, I relieved him.
'Twas I, that gave him fashion; mine, the sword
That did, on all occasions, second his;

I brought him on and off, with honour, lady:
And when in all men's judgments he was sunk,
And in his own hopes not to be buoyed up,
I stepped unto him, took him by the hand,
And set him upright.

Furn. Are not we base rogues,
That could forget this?

Well. I confess, you made him

Master of your estate; nor could your friends,

Enter Lady ALLWORTH, Waiting-woman, and Though he brought no wealth with him, blame

Chambermaid.

Cham. Here's the monster.

you for it:

For he had a shape, and, to that shape, a mind,

Wom. Sweet madam, keep your glove to your Made up of all parts, either great or noble,

So winning a behaviour, not to be

Resisted, madam.

Lady. 'Tis most true, he had.

Well. For his sake, then, in that I was his friend,

Do not contemn me.

Lady. For what's past excuse me;

I will redeem it. Order, give the gentleman
A hundred pounds.

Well. Madam, on no terms:

I will not beg nor borrow sixpence of you;
But be supplied elsewhere, or want thus ever.
Only one suit I make, which you deny not
To strangers; and 'tis this. [Whispers to her.

Lady. Fie! nothing else?
Well. Nothing; unless you please to charge
your servants

To throw away a little respect upon me.
Lady. What you demand is yours.
Well. I thank you, lady.
[Exit Lady.
Now, what can be wrought out of such a suit,

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The modern British drama, Volym 3