At sea and land Atrides sav'd his life,
Yet fell a prey to his adult'rous wife.
Who knows not what revenge Medea
sought,

When the slain offspring bore the father's fault?

Thus Phoenix did a woman's love bewail; And thus Hippolytus by Phædra fell. 381 These crimes revengeful matrons did commit:

Hotter their lust, and sharper is their wit. Doubt not from them an easy victory: Scarce of a thousand dames will one deny. All women are content that men should Woo;

She who complains, and she who will not do.

Rest then secure, whate'er thy luck may prove,

Not to be hated for declaring love.

And yet how canst thou miss, since womankind

390

The profit's little and the danger great.
I will not lead thee thro' a rugged road;
But where the way lies open, safe, and
broad.

Yet if thou find'st her very much thy friend,

And her good face her diligence commend, Let the fair mistress have thy first embrace, And let the maid come after in her place.

But this I will advise, and mark my words;

For 't is the best advice my skill affords:
If needs thou with the damsel wilt begin,
Before th' attempt is made, make sure to
win;

441

For then the secret better will be kept; And she can tell no tales when once she's dipp'd.

'Tis for the fowler's interest to beware, The bird intangled should not scape the

snare.

The fish, once prick'd, avoids the bearded hook,

Or when she views the public shows of
Rome,

Know, all thy visits then are troublesome.
Defer thy work, and put not then to sea,
For that's a boding and a stormy day.
Else take thy time, and when thou canst,
begin:

To break a Jewish Sabbath, think no sin;
Nor ev'n on superstitious days abstain;
Not when the Romans were at Allia slain.
Ill omens in her frowns are understood;
When she's in humor, ev'ry day is good.
But than her birthday seldom comes a
worse;

471

pen.

If to her heart thou aim'st to find the way,
Extremely flatter, and extremely pray. 501
Priam by pray'rs did Hector's body gain;
Nor is an angry god invok'd in vain.
With promis'd gifts her easy mind be-
witch;

For ev'n the poor in promise may be rich.
Vain hopes a while her appetite will stay;
'Tis a deceitful but commodious way.
Who gives is mad, but make her still be-
lieve

"T will come, and that's the cheapest way to give.

Ev'n barren lands fair promises afford, 510 But the lean harvest cheats the starving lord.

Buy not thy first enjoyment, lest it prove
Of bad example to thy future love:
But get it gratis; and she'll give thee

And sharply bids you not to write again: What she requires, she fears you should accord;

The jilt would not be taken at her word.

Meantime, if she be carried in her chair, Approach, but do not seem to know she's there.

Speak softly, to delude the standers-by; Or, if aloud, then speak ambiguously. If saunt'ring in the portico she walk, Move slowly too, for that's a time for talk; And sometimes follow, sometimes be her guide; 560

But, when the crowd permits, go side by side.

Nor in the playhouse let her sit alone;
For she's the playhouse and the play in one.
There thou mayst ogle, or by signs advance
Thy suit, and seem to touch her hand by

chance.

Admire the dancer who her liking gains, And pity in the play the lover's pains;

For her sweet sake the loss of time despise;

Sit while she sits, and when she rises rise. But dress not like a fop, nor curl your hair, Nor with a pumice make your body bare. Leave those effeminate and useless toys 572 To eunuchs, who can give no solid joys. Neglect becomes a man: this Theseus found;

Uncurl'd, uncomb'd, the nymph his wishes

crown'd.

The rough Hippolytus was Phædra's care;
And Venus thought the rude Adonis fair.
Be not too finical; but yet be clean;
And wear well-fashion'd clothes, like other

men.

Let not your teeth be yellow, or be foul; Nor in wide shoes your feet too loosely roll.

581 Of a black muzzle and long beard beware; And let a skilful barber cut your hair: Your nails be pick'd from filth, and even par'd;

Nor let your nasty nostrils bud with beard. Cure your unsav'ry breath, gargle your throat,

And free your armpits from the ram and goat.

Dress not, in short, too little or too much; And be not wholly French nor wholly Dutch.

Now Bacchus calls me to his jolly rites: Who would not follow, when a god invites ? He helps the poet, and his pen inspires, 592 Kind and indulgent to his former fires.

Fair Ariadne wander'd on the shore, Forsaken now; and Theseus loves no more: Loose was her gown, dishevel'd was her hair;

Her bosom naked, and her feet were bare. Exclaiming, in the water's brink she stood; Her briny tears augment the briny flood. She shriek'd, and wept, and both became her face:

600

610

And scudding Satyrs ran before their god.
Silenus on his ass did next appear,
And held upon the mane; (the god was
clear:)

The drunken sire pursues, the dames retire;

Sometimes the drunken dames pursue the drunken sire.

At last he topples over on the plain;

The Satyrs laugh, and bid him rise again. And now the God of Wine came driving on, High on his chariot by swift tigers drawn. Her color, voice, and sense forsook the fair;

Thrice did her trembling feet for flight prepare,

And thrice affrighted did her flight forbear.

620

Whether below, or equal in degree,
Let him be lord of all the company,
And what he says be seconded by thee.
'Tis common to deceive thro' friendship's

In dancing, if endued with dancing arts.
Do anything within your power to please;
Nay, ev'n affect a seeming drunkenness :
Clip every word; and if by chance you
speak

671

Too home, or if too broad a jest you break,
In your excuse the company will join,
And lay the fault upon the force of wine.
True drunkenness is subject to offend;
But when 't is feign'd, 't is oft a lover's
friend.

Then safely you may praise her beauteous face,

And call him happy, who is in her grace. Her husband thinks himself the man design'd;

But curse the cuckold in your secret mind.
When all are risen and prepare to go,
Mix with the crowd, and tread upon her toe.

681

Act well the lover; let thy speech abound In dying words, that represent thy wound. Distrust not her belief; she will be mov'd; All women think they merit to be lov'd.

Sometimes a man begins to love in jest, And, after, feels the torments he profess'd. For your own sakes be pitiful, ye fair; For a feign'd passion may a true prepare. By flatteries we prevail on womankind, 700 As hollow banks by streams are undermin'd.

Tell her, her face is fair, her eyes are sweet;

Her taper fingers praise, and little feet. Such praises ev'n the chaste are pleas'd to hear;

Both maids and matrons hold their beauty dear.

Once naked Pallas with Jove's queen appear'd;

And still they grieve that Venus was pre

ferr'd.

Praise the proud peacock, and he spreads his train;

Be silent, and he pulls it in again.

Pleas'd is the courser in his rapid race; 710
Applaud his running, and he mends his pace.
But largely promise, and devoutly swear;
And, if need be, call ev'ry god to hear.
Jove sits above, forgiving with a smile
The perjuries that easy maids beguile.
He swore to Juno by the Stygian lake;
Forsworn, he dares not an example make,
Or punish falsehood, for his own dear sake.
'Tis for our int'rest that the gods should
be;

Let us believe 'em: I believe they see, 720
And both reward and punish equally -
Not that they live above, like lazy drones,
Or kings below, supine upon their thrones.
Lead then your lives as present in their
sight;

Be just in dealings, and defend the right;
By fraud betray not, nor oppress by might.
But 't is a venial sin to cheat the fair;

All men have liberty of conscience there. On cheating nymphs a cheat is well design'd;

'Tis a profane and a deceitful kind.

730

"T is said, that Egypt for nine years was dry,

Nor Nile did floods, nor heav'n did rain supply.

A foreigner at length inform'd the king That slaughter'd guests would kindly moisture bring.

The king replied: "On thee the lot shall fall;

Be thou, my guest, the sacrifice for all."
Thus Phalaris Perillus taught to low,
And made him season first the brazen cow.
A rightful doom, the laws of nature cry;
'T is the artificers of death should die.
Thus justly women suffer by deceit;
Their practice authorizes us to cheat.
Beg her, with tears, thy warm desires to
grant;

740

For tears will pierce a heart of adamant. If tears will not be squeez'd, then rub your eye,

Or noint the lids, and seem at least to cry. Kiss, if you can: resistance if she make, And will not give you kisses, let her take. Fie, fie, you naughty man, are words of