fince done its office, and ceafed in the church in point of obligation; and that there is now to the true church but one Lord, one faith, and one baptifm, that of the Holy Ghoft, which only can pu→ rify and make clean the infide. O! my heart, my very foul is fully fatisfied in this matter; having felt the living efficacy of this one saving baptism, and known its full fufficiency without any other.

What firft turned my mind to believe the outward a chriftian ordinance, was this one argument of the baptifts- Chrift commanded his difciples to baptize: No man can baptize with the Holy Ghoft; therefore the baptifm he commanded was not that of the Holy Ghoft, but that of water.' This then appeared to me conclufive, and unanfwerable. But it was my ignorance of that baptizing power which attends all true gospel ministry that made me affent to this falfe pofition, no man 'can baptize with the Holy Ghoft.' Man himself, in his own mere ability, I know cannot; but I also know, that of himself he cannot preach the gofpel. This affertion, no man can preach the gofpel, is just as true as that no man can baptize with the Holy Ghoft.' As man merely, he can do nothing at all of either; but it still stands true, man can, through divine affiftance, do both. The real gospel was never yet preached, but with the Holy Ghoft fent down from heaven.'+ Thus the apostles preached it, and thús alone it is ftill preached

and fo preaching it, it was a baptizing miniftry. As they fpake, the Holy Ghoft fell on them that heard them; that is, where faith wrought in the hearts of the hearers, and the living eternal word preached, through the power of the Holy Ghoft, was mixed with faith in them that heard it; the Holy Ghost fell on them, baptizing them into a living foulfaving fenfe of the power of God to falvation,'* D which

6

which is the true life of the gofpel. Thus the apoftles fulfilled the commiffion. They taught baptizingly. The commiffion is not teach, and then baptize,' as two separate acts. It is teach, baptizing'-and those who livingly witness the gospel, the power of God to falvation, preached unto them, they feel it, and receive it in, and only in the Holy Ghost, fent down from heaven,' they are taught baptizingly, in the demonftration of the fpirit and of power.' And no preaching has a whit more of the gospel in it, than it has of the Holy Ghoft, the alone true baptizing power. I don't marvel that the letter-learned teachers of our day, who run unfent, who are always ready, are ignorant that a true gospel minister is clothed with baptizing authority from on high.-I may not now go much further into the difcuffion of the fubject of baptifm, though I fcarce know how to difmifs it, fo many things occur in evidence, that there is and can be but one in the gofpel, and that this is and must be spiritual.

I had not yet fully given up to the motions of divine life in my own heart. My mind was too much turned outward; and the preaching of those I fometimes went to hear, who preached in their own time, had a powerful tendency to keep it outward. In this ftate of outward attention and inquiry, I found nothing that could give me power over fin and corruption; but notwithstanding all my ferious thoughtfulness, and frequent and ardent defires to become truly religious, I ftill, once in a while, brake loofe, and launched forth into as great degrees of vanity and wickedness as ever: and then again a turn of seriousness would come over One time under deep exercise, after reasoning and hesitating great part of a day, whether I had beft give up with full purpose of heart, to lead

me.

+1 Cor. ii. 4.

a

a religious life or not; at length I gave up, and entered once more into folemn covenant, to serve God, and deny myself, according to the best of my understanding. Almoft as foon as I had thus given up, and come to this good conclufion, in ftepped the grand adverfary, and blundered and diftreffed my mind exceedingly with the doctrine of predeftination; powerfully infinuating, that a certain number were infallibly ordained to eternal falvation, the rest to inevitable deftruction; and that not all the religious exercises of my mind could poffibly make any alteration in my final destination and allotment. If God had damned me from all eternity, I must be damned for ever; if he had chofen me to eternal falvation, I might fet my heart at reft, and live juft fuch a life as would moft gratify my natural inclinations; for what advantage could there be in religion, and self-denial, if an eternal. unalterable decree fecured my final end. I felt willing to hope I was a chofen veffel; and for a fhort time thefe ideas fo crouded into my mind, that I was even ready to conclude, a God all goodness had doomed the far greater part of mankind to never ending mifery, without any provocation on their part. I now view the doctrine of unconditional election to eternal life, and reprobation to eternal deftruction, with abhorrence. I almoft marvel, that under a cloud of darkness, my rational faculties could ever be fo impofed upon, as to affent to fo erroneous a fentiment. I know of no doctrine in the world, that more fhockingly reflects on the character of the Deity.

I did not indeed fo drink down this falfe doctrine as to relinquish my purpose of amendment all at once; I held out a few weeks; when, mournful to relate, the influence of young company, and my vehement defires for creaturely indulgence, through the tolerating influence of the aforefaid infinuations,

brake through all my moft folemn engagements, threw down the walls and fortifications, and expofed me an eafy prey to the grand enemy of my foul's falvation. Again I took my fwing in vanity, amufements and diffipation. This, however, was but a fhort race. The Lord, in loving kindness, followed me with his judgments, inwardly revealed against fin. The prince of darkness alfo followed me, with temptation upon temptation to evil; and with various fubtile infinuations, and dark notions, to rid me of all fear, restraint, or tenderness of conscience. At length, notwithstanding all I had felt of the power of God upon me, in reproof for fin, and invitation to holiness; yea, though I had fome true relifh of divine good, the holy witnefs became fo ftifled, that I began to conclude there was no God; that all things came by chance, by nature, by the fortuitous jumble and concourse of atoms, without any defigning caufe, or intelligent arrangement; that it was idle, chimerical, and delufive, to think of ferving or fearing a being who had no existence but in imagination. Here let it be well confidered, what a powerful influence the admiffion of one falfe doctrine, and the violation of divine manifeftation and conviction, has in paving the way for other falfe doctrines. Not much fooner had I received and cherished one of the grand falfehoods of the father of lies, the doctrine of irrefiftible neceffity, and predeftination, than in the mifts of darkness which fpread over my mind, under the baleful influence thereof, I even dared to deny the eternal deity; and, horrible to the laft degree to think of, I began to rejoice in the idea of unbounded, unreftrained licentioufnefs and carnality; and that I was unaccountable for my conduct, not confidering that, on my atheistical scheme, I was unprotected, and had no more to hope than to fear; none to look up to for defence and fuccour; but must be left a prey to violence, and all kinds of adversity attendant on this life.

Oh the depravity of tafte and inclination, as well as of understanding, which I was plunged into! I went on a few months after this, much in the fame manner; my days I fpent in vanity and rebellion; my nights frequently in horror and diftrefs! Many a night I fcarce durft enter my chamber, or lay me down in bed.-I have the most unfhaken ground to believe it was the immediate power of God upon me, that thus terrified my guilty foul; and that in the most fatherly goodness, condefcenfion, and mercy, in order to prevent my going on to endless perdition, to which I feemed to be swiftly pofting. Day after day, and night after night, I was diftreffed !-the Lord fetting my finis in order before me, and pleading with me to return unto him and live. At laft I fled again to religious engagement for relief, betook myself to prayer, and cried to the Lord, in the bitterness of my fpirit. Sometimes I begged and interceded for mercy, and power to make a stand and overcome fin, with fuch vehemency as if my very heart would break!-Tears gufhed from my eyes! My foul was overwhelmed with anguish! Oh! young man whoever thou art, that readeft these lines, I warn thee, I beseech thee, fhun fuch mifery, by obedience; fuch unutterable anxiety, by cleaving to the Lord. Yet after all this, young company, mufick, gaming, pleasure, again rallied their forces, and had fuch influence over my refolutions, as evidenced them written as in duft, though mingled with tears, with wormwood and gall, and I abandoned all again, to enjoy the pleasures of fin for a season. But God, rich in mercy, and long-faffer-" ing kindness, still interrupted my career, difturbed my carnal fatisfaction, and blafted all my joys. Once more a sense of just and holy indignation kindled up in my breaft for tranfgreffion and grievous revolt. Awfulness took hold on me; amazement fwallowed me up. I knew not which way

to