Alleyn, and L. E. L. and has, more than once, declared his intention to write to the Editor of the Literary Gazette on the subject. These several topics being digested, the announcement of supper warns us that it is time to prepare for the digesting of more solid aliment. Toby, who is a veteran in every thing, and can carve as well as he can carp, takes his place at the head of the table; the members sit round it; and old Jonathan, the waiter, takes his post behind Mr. Merton's chair, swallowing our quips and jokes as fast as we swallow our supper. The cloth being removed, we drink first the health of the King, as president of the nation; and then, the health of Tobias, as president of the Round Table. The decanters are refilled, and these, madam, form the preliminaries of the evening. These, as we said before, having been gone through, we prepared for business; and the Secretary, accordingly, produced his black bag. Why is it a black one, it may be asked? Simply, because to almost every other colour one member or other had an antipathy. The Secretary would not have a blue bag, because, as he said, it looked so lawyers-clerk-ish. Timothy objected to a green bag, on account of the late Queen; and Clutterbuck said, he had not been enabled to bear the sight of a red bag ever since the death of a rich old uncle, who died in a red night cap, without leaving him a shilling. The black bag being produced, the Secretary proceeded to lay its contents before our honourable board; when the following communications were read, and their respective merits decided upon. Read an Essay on "Boxing," by R. A. Ordered, that it be printed, and that the thanks of this meeting be given to R. A. for this his first paper for the Literary Magnet. 66 The Secretary next read a letter from Tony Northlight, a contributor to the Literary Magnet, in the future tense. We extract certain passages from that letter, together with the remarks made thereon. He begins: "I am a constant reader of the L. M. which is equivalent to my being a warm admirer of it." “Q. E. D.” said Clutterbuck, whose mathematical talents we have alluded to on a former occasion. Tony then goes on: "the causticity and polish of your satirical essays, (here the Secretary made a full stop, although in the manuscript there was only a comma,) the accuracy, point, and interest of your sketches of society, (Clutterbuck and Timothy leaned forward with a look of expectancy,) the general elegance of your poetry, (Alleyn blushed,) and the permanent utility of your miscellaneous matter, entitle your work to a very high rank among the periodicals of the day, (He's right, said Toby; at the same time thrusting one hand between the button holes of his waistcoat, and the other into his breeches pocket,) and merit for it that proud pre-eminence which a discerning public has already assigned it." (Have the goodness to pass the bottle, said the publisher.) Mr. Northlight then proceeds to deprecate the system of literary pilfering, which, he says, "is become so common among minor wits and literary pretenders." He further says, "I have with pain observed, of late, several attempts of this kind, even in your pages, which I do not choose to point out, as some of them bear signatures which have often been appended to very good articles." (Here there was a general confusion. 66 Some exclaimed," infamous," others cried “name, name," and the face of Tobias became us crimson as the gills of the cock pheasant which the secretary attempted to murder on the first of September.) Silence being once more obtained, the letter was proceeded with. With brotherly feeling and kind regards to Paul Clutterbuck, Irwin Alleyn, Timothy Oakley, the seeretary, the publisher, and yourself, I am, your future contributor, Dumbarton, Oct. 1824. TONY NORTHLIGHT. After considerable discussion the following resolution was passed unanimously. That the thanks of this meeting be given to Tony Northlight for his letter, and that he be directed to send on one of his best articles for insertion in the Literary Magnet. Read a letter signed "a well wisher," complaining, that "the intelligent Mr. Merton of the first volume is sunk into the vile gourmand of the second ;" and that "the poetry of the Magazine is exceedingly stupid." Ordered, that Mr. Merton, by and with the consent of himself, abstain from eating and drinking; and that Mr. Well-wisher be desired to send on some poetry, of his own composition, of a higher charactér than that of which he complains. The Secretary here interrupted the business of the evening in a most indecorous manner; and the following dialogue took place between him and Mr. Merton. Secretary. I told you so Toby, I knew there was no merit in the poetry of the Magazine; (Alleyn's shirt collar bristled up, and his cravat turned pale ;) I told you so. But you would not have my services; notwithstanding the trouble I took to repeat to you my epic poem, some parts of which, you were obliged to confess, displayed considerable talent: and then there was the letter, toc, which you rejected. Mr. Merton. Depend upon it, my dear H. the letter you sent me, with a specimen of your poetry, was not, by any means, fit for the Magazine; and if you will take my advice, you will give over all thoughts of becoming a Poet-you will never become a Lord Byron. Secretary. Shade of his lordship's grandmother! Mr. Merton, (Timothy whispered to Clutterbuck, Aye, it was she who read the British,'") do you mean to insult me? I tell you, Sir, I am a poet, and if you had chosen to print my letter, your readers would have told you so too. Mr. Merton, Don't be angry, don't be angry, Mr. Secretary; if you still wish your letter to be printed, your desires shall be complied with, but the consequences rest with yourself. Ordered, That the Secretary's letter, wherein he offers to assist in the poetical department of the Literary Magnet, be printed in the next number, together with any of his poetical effusions which he may think proper to forward. Read a letter from Miss S * * * * * inclosing two articles. Ordered,--That one of them be printed, and that the thanks of Mr. Merton be given to Miss S. for her frequent communications. It is proper to state why the thanks of Mr. Merton are sometimes given, and why, sometimes, the thanks of the members. The latter are only given when the communications of the party under consideration are considered sufficiently important to call forth the general approbation of the meeting. When, therefore, the thanks of Mr. Merton are simply mentioned, it is to be understood, that some member or members, has, or have, dissented from the editor's opinion. This, we hope, will be a sufficient hint to Miss S. that her communications are open to improvement; and that if she is desirous to continue her claims to an occasional page or two in the Magnet, she must endeavour to effect them. There is a finish necessary in productions, destined for the penetrating eye of the public, which Miss S. has not, as yet, been enabled to accomplish -at least, to our satisfaction. We regret to speak of a lady in any but terms of unqualified approbation; but literature is of no sex, and we trust our remarks will not be taken unkindly. The emendations which were made by us in Miss S.'s last little essay, will point out to her the particular improvement which we consider her productions require. Read a note from Harcourt, from which we extract the following passage:- "The pieces of mine which you last inserted were considerably mutilated in the press, especially in the French quotations." Ordered,―That the Compositor be commanded to take ten lessons of Mr. Hamilton in the French language; and to report, when he has done so, what improvement he may have made in consequence of Mr. H.'s instructions. " for Clutterbuck now proposed that that part of the correspondence, which had not been yet examined, should be set aside for half an hour; at present," said he, "my throat is actually as dry as the Old Monthly."" This proposition was agreed to nem. con.; and after the bottle had performed two revolutions round the table, and one hundred and eighty degrees of a third, where it stopped, (observe-Clutterbuck was exactly opposite to the point from which it started,) Timothy Oakley called upon Alleyn for a song. This the president declared to be exceedingly out of order. It was, he said, beneath the dignity of a poet, to put in practice any such powers of amusing; and he had no doubt, that his young friend Alleyn professed no such talent as that which he had been requested to exercise. Against this logic Oakley cited Burns, and a dozen other jolly fellows," who," said Timothy, "if they lived in these days, would be an honour to the Round Table;" and concluded his argument with giving Irwin a smart slap upon the shoulder, and exclaiming, "Come, Alleyn, my boy, give us a song; let's have your last new one, on the Round Table." Irwin nodded assent; and after that awful pause and death-like silence, which is so common on such an occasion, began: "That is," said Clutterback, catching up the tune, "they got drunk as oft as they were able." This interruption so discomfitted poor Alleyn, that he declared he would not proceed with his song; which, fortunately, enables us to proceed with our report. The Secretary next produced a packet as voluminous as a lawyer's brief. It proved to be an article, called the "Devil's Coach," signed E. Read about twenty pages of it. Ordered, That one of the members be requested to produce a review of E's article, to be inserted in an early number. Read a letter, dated from Hampton-street, Walworth, signed G-S-, desiring to be informed, if the essay on the folly and wickedness of having a long nose," is written by Elia. 66 Ordered,―That G. S. be informed, that the article is not the production of Elia; but that it is from the pen of an equally celebrated writer. Read an article, signed Anti-dandy," in which the unfortunate class of animals, to which the writer is opposed, is most sadly abused. Taking into consideration that we, ourselves, wear high collars, slouched hats, puckered pantaloons, and military cloaks, we think proper to Order,-Nothing. Read two poems by J. H. B. and G. M. of Plymouth. Neither of which possesses sufficient merit to obtain a place in our pages. We would advise the young writers of them, for they evidently are young, to read, think, and, if they can, feel more, before they again endeavour to appear in print. Let them submit their productions to the judgment of some literary friend; whose advice, we doubt not, will be of service to them; at least, he will tell them that such lines as the following, are words without any meaning: Together we'll roam through the pleasures of bliss." Read a poetic scene, in favour of the Greeks, by A. D. B. P. Ordered,-That the writer attach to the initials of his name the words which follow-A Devilish Bad Poem. Read a Poem by Charlotte M. Ordered,―That Charlotte M. take six lessons in poetry of Professor Alleyn, the terms to be decided by themselves. Read an impertinent letter of an old date, from "Lionel Lion." Ordered,―That that blustering, silly, harmless animal, read the fable of the Ass that went abroad in the Lion's hide. Read letters from several correspondents in commendation of the merits of our Magazine. Ordered-To lie on the table. Read other letters stating there was no merit in it. In consequence of the very culpable negligence of the Secretary, a packet has been mislaid, in which we fear there are certain letters which require a particular answer. Our friends, we are sure, will attribute, to this circumstance, our omitting to notice their communications. If any of our contributors will favour us with an account of any article which we may have failed to mention, we shall be most happy to make the amende honorable. Letters are left with the Publisher for Mr. B-ye, J. A. G. and J. H. H. Secretary. Harcourt. SOMEBODY'S COACH. (A Tale, not translated from the German.) In compliance with the commands of the President and members of the Round Table, I, Timothy Oakley, a lineal descendant of Oliver Oakley, who flourished in the reign of George the Third, having been employed two days in reading an article, forwarded for insertion in the Literary Magnet, proceed to lay an abstract of it before you, Mr. or Mrs. Reader. The title of this awfully voluminous manuscript, is something like that which stands at the head of these observations; the word somebody being a free translation of a name of which I, the aforesaid Timothy Oakley, have an insurmountable dread--a name as black as the ink which refuses to be polluted with it. You are now certainly aware whose coach is meant; if not, allow me, my good sir, or madam, to ask you a question. Did you ever have the blue ? Well, may the next anti-bilious pill I swallow, be changed into one of Caspar's bullets, if I can get my pen to set down the name. Do, I pray you, endeavour to find it out by your own sagacity. This article, or tale, or work, or whatever it deserves to be called, is really more terrible than Der Freischutz, Valmondi, or either of the two, or three score of similar German monstrosities, with which we may hope to have our grandchildren terrified into good conduct during the approaching winter. We certainly think it would have been far wiser in its author, Æ, to have sent it to one of the theatres, than to ourselves. There is Drury-lane, for instance, sadly in want of a piece which shall out-thunder and out-smoke all its predecessors; and I have no hesitation in saying, that with the addition, in each page of the article before me, of "here make some thunder and lightning," now let the bell toll twelve"- enter a ghost”—“ rattling of chains"--and so on, it would suit Mr. Elliston's purposes, and ensure his fortune, and our correspondent's immortality. The tale begins thus: 66 * "I was lately on a visit to a friend in Yorkshire, whose comfortable cot stands a quarter of a mile above the banks of the Air, and commands an admirable view of the ancient ruins of Kirkstall Abbey. As is generally the case in the vicinity of such buildings, the country thereabouts abounds with supernatural sights and traditions, and one of my principal sources of amusement, during the time I remained in the neighbourhood, was derived from listening to the quaint and characteristic narrations of the natives, whose stories I found became more marvellous the nearer I approached the head of the river. "My friend was so constantly engaged in business, that he could not be much in my company; and I was, therefore, glad to apply myself to any thing which promised either variety or amusement. I had read, with considerable interest and attention, the piscatory treatise of Old Isaac; and having a good opportunity, as I thought, of reducing his * It must, then, have been in a very airy situation.-T. 0. PART XIII.-50.-Fourth Edit. Ꮓ |