Sidor som bilder
PDF
ePub

has left me a filly dove without an heart, as you warned me of in a former letter; and I am going mourning without the fun. He has hid himself with a cloud in his anger, and my foul is melted because of trouble. He has taken the bag of money with him, and there feems to be a famine in the land, and I am in want. As you obferve, the bare remembrance of those past seasons wherein I lived under his fhadow, is only an aggravation of my mifery. I well know now, and that by bitter experience, the truth of your former predictions, much of them having been fulfilled during thefe two months paft; and none but God himfelf could have fupported me in the perilous path I am called to walk in. I have been brought fo low as almoft to caft away my confidence; though, in my joys, I have faid, numbers of times, I was fure I fhould never be fhaken with refpect to my ftate, But this language is purged from me by very sharp ftrokes. Indeed, I have fometimes a little light given me, from the word, that the path I am brought into is the path of tribulation that leads to the kingdom; and a little light God has given me lately by a very particular dream. God fill inftructs me by dreams and vifions of the night. Some part of it is now fulfilling, and fome part remains to be fulfilled; and much does God lead me to watch his hand, which is with me at this time. It would carry me far beyond the limits of a letter to give you a particular account of God's dealing

H 2

dealing with me; and perhaps it is God's will that I should keep his dealings with me to myself. I am fure I have wifhed a thousand times lately I had never opened my mouth to any one about the work of God with me. I know it has involved me in many fnares. However, nothing teaches like experience. I have been a little ftrengthened by those words in Job xxvi. 2, 3, wherein he fays of God, "How haft thou helped him that is without power? How faveft thou the arm that hath no ftrength? How haft thou counfelled him that hath no wifdom? and how haft thou plentifully declared the thing as it is?" I am brought moft fenfibly to feel my want of help, power, ftrength, and wifdom; and I never fo faw before my need of Chrift in his office as a counsellor; and it ftrengthened me a little that he is ftyled by the prophet the Wonderful Counsellor. I think never did a poor foul ftand more in need of his help, in all his offices and characters, than I do at this present time. Thofe lines of Mr. Hart's are ruly applicable to me:

Weaker than the bruifed reed,
Help I every moment need.

I hope ftill to be favoured with an intereft in your prayers, that I may be kept, guided, and directed in all spiritual wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, and preferved unto his heavenly

kingdom;

kingdom; and

may the best of spiritual bleffings continually be vouchsafed to you, is the prayer

[blocks in formation]

I AM ftill kept looking out at my

ftudy window, with my heart not a little fet on my intended journey to the King's dale. But my weak state of body, and the long, miferable, wet season, not a little difcourages me. I long to fee and know how you all go on. I am just like an old hen, which hath got more chickens than she can cover with her feathers; for my thoughts are all over the nation, and I am always afraid of the hawks and kites. But this is indulging fear where no fear is; for under his feathers his children fhall truft; his truth fhall be their fhield and buckler.

H 3

buckler. I want to see the King's herald; for, if I do not fee nor hear from him every four or five days, all is not right. O, when shall that happy time arrive, and that bleffed manfion be inhabited, where the inhabitant fhall no more fay, I am fick !" where thofe difmal changes from cold to hot, from dry to wet, fhall be no more; nor the foul be clogged any more with this worst of burdens, a crazy tabernacle, and a body of death. I fit, and fret, and grieve, to see the weather so bad, and myself so weak and fecble; my thoughts can fly, but I am still in the ftudy. What a fenfible. weight is the body to a foul enlarged! The one is all over heaven, carth, and hell; and the other quite immoveable; always incapable, more or lefs, of executing the foul's inventions. The elephant and the greyhound, the dove and the fwine, never were more unequally matched than a body of flesh and blood, and a foul born from above. I decree many things, but they are not established unto me; I purpose, but my purposes are broken off."To will is prefent with me, but how to perform that which is good I find not." It is a bleffing that God works in us to will, feeing he often accepts the will for the deed, as he did the will of Abraham at the offering of Ifaac, and the goodwill of David refpecting building the temple. But it is a grief to me that fo excellent a couple fhould ever be absent from each other. Willing and doing are not always hand in hand.

3

The former is

generally

generally found, but the latter is not. To will is prefent, fays Paul, but not the doing. Perhaps the reafon may be this: the devil cannot hinder us from willing, but he often hinders us from doing. "I was coming once and again," fays Paul," but Satan hindered." Again: I can will without the body, but the body is often wanted in performing; and, like Pharaoh's wheels, draws heavily, when the foul, like the chariot of Aminadib, or like Jehu, drives furiously. O this frail tabernacle, this bufy devil, and this wretched law in the members! I muft conclude in this ftrait between two; and these two make me often waddle. I am ready to halt, and my forrows are continually before me.

[blocks in formation]
« FöregåendeFortsätt »