the faithfulness and truth of the unchangeable Jehovah; and fecretly wifhed for another onfet with the devil, not doubting but I should quit myfelf like a man. But, as foon as the next attack came on, I turned back in the day of battle, although harneffed and carrying a bow; for the devil, varying his temptations, furprised me on that fide where I was moft fecure. And hence it appeared as though fome ftrange thing had happened unto me. For fome months I went on, up and down in the balance of the fanctuary, this way. And I learnt one leffon in this field of action, and that was, that the Lord's ftrength was made perfect in weakness. For, when I refolved and mustered up all my courage, I never stood at all, but fell when the firft dart reached me; but, when I feared, trembled, and cried mightily to my God and Saviour, he hath ftrengthened the weak against the ftrong, fo that the weak hath come even to the fortrefs. I have, at fuch times, been enabled even to resemble a foldier of Christ. I have rebuked the devil for his infolence and blafphemy; I have curfed him and defied him, in the name of the living God. I told him he was damned, and his punishment would certainly come on him, and that my eyes fhould fee it; and he could not deny it, nor reply against it. However, these continual changes, one day at the gates of heaven, and the next day in the belly of hell, led me to conclude that it was not pleafing to God God that I was fo infatiable after comfort; because I perceived that my joys got more and more fhort-lived, and my bitter feasons were more and more lengthened out. The day of prosperity appeared but an hour, and the day of adversity a month. My heart was well acquainted with its own bitterness; nor did strangers intermeddle with my joy. Yet I fecretly wifhed that my feet stood in a more even path. But muft I tell you all the secret? muft I disclose my own fhame? Take it then. I thought in my heart, and muttered out with my lips, the following perverfenefs: "I-believe the Lord grudges me my comforts, or elfe he would never fuffer me to be fo buffetted by the devil every time they are gone; and I would fooner be without them than go on fo." And the Lord took me at my word; for the sweet breast of confolation was immediately withdrawn, to my great grief, and no fmall mortification; and I found it juft as the evangelical prophet represents it: "Whom fhall he teach knowledge? and whom fhall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breasts. For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little." Ifa. xxviii. 9, 10. The breaft being withdrawn, I fearched the fcriptures day and night to see what fecurity I could get, what confirmation and eftablishment the word of God afforded. I compared his work on my foul with his word, and especially those parts where he promises to make a new covenant with us, to pardon fin, and give us a new heart, &c.; and I found the work to be genuine, and that it would ftand the test of every text, except fuch as thefe: " He that is born of God finneth not." "They also do no iniquity: they walk in his ways." Pfalm cxix. 3. These I could not make out, as they seemed to affert nothing less than perfection. At these I often staggered; and they were fad ftumbling-blocks to me. However, I confidered the decrees and purpofes of God, his covenants, promifes, faithfulness, and truth; the immutability of his nature, the finished work of Christ, the oaths of God, the Spirit's work, and his faithfulness to his children in every age; and got much light, and gathered much strength, this way; and the blessed Spirit, who before was my comforter, was now a spirit of revelation and understanding to me; and, having loft all my milk and honey, I fed upon ftrang meat; the breaft was taken away, and knowledge. and understanding became my food. I had before grown in grace, and now I grew in knowledge; and my mind was much employed in heavenly meditation on the glorious truths of the gofpel. But this did not afford that nourishment, warmth, and heavenly fweetness, to the heart, . which the other did. I often fat down and confidered the days of old, when "the vifitations of God God preferved my fpirit, when his glory was fresh in me, and when the dew lay all night upon my branch;" and wept, fighed, whined, and fobbed, after the milk and honey. But the Holy Spirit, at fuch times, would produce fubmiffion and refignation in me to the will of God, and fuggeft to my mind that, when I had finished my course, I should have my heart full of that fweet fare, and that for evermore; which made me long for death. At these times" I have behaved and quieted myself as a child that is weaned of his mother: my foul was even as a weaned child." Pfalm cxxxi. 2. About that period I was working in the coal barge, and fuffering hunger, cold, and almost nakednefs; befides the conflicts within, perfecutions without, and the lofs of that which to me was dearer than life. It pleafed God to pity and vifit me again. I had an old lumber-room, where I often withdrew when my burden was too heavy for me to bear; and as fure as I entered that place, fo fure did the Lord of all lords vifit me. He would come down as rain upon the mown grafs, and as showers that water the earth;" till I could compare it to nothing but what I had read of entering into the holy of holies, when "the glory of the Lord had filled the houfe of the Lord." O what condefcenfion for the Moft High to humble himself to take notice of fuch worms of the duft! After After many of these foul-reviving and fouleftablishing vifits, thofe trials, which are peculiar to the ministry, came on, attended with legal bondage, and various temptations and oppofitions; and befet I was with every class of heretics, till I went, like the woman the Saviour healed, bowed together for several years; till, what with trouble, real want, and hard labour, I was at the brink of the grave, and longed for it; but it came not. At length it pleased God to renew my youth like the eagle's; and he supplied me with temporal neceffaries, equipped me with truth and fortitude, and gave me a great defire to be useful; and he foon let me fee that I did not labour in vain. And now this became my food; it was my meat and drink to do his will, and to fee his work profper. And this led me to walk fteady with my God in peace and equity; and, having obtained help from him, I continue to this day. Thus, Delilah like, your three fucceeding epiftles have drawn the fecret out of my heart. And, after all, what is it? Why, divine power lodged in a lock of human hair; or, to fpeak in New Teftament language, it is God's ftrength made perfect in man's weakness. Adicu. I must attend the household; but cannot help fubfcribing myself The Defert. Ever yours, NOCTUA AURITA. LETTER |