The conflict of mind which I had to pass through, early in the day that I had to stand before the Morning Meeting, is utterly undeclarable by the tongue of any mortal; and I could not at the time account for it: but I was afterwards favoured to see that this dispensation was highly needful for me. I stood up with the words," I have a baptism to be baptized with, and how am I straitened until it be accomplished;" adding, but the God of Israel is He that giveth strength and power to His people,-blessed be God.' I then proceeded to state, that my mind had been long preparing, in order to loosen me from every earthly occupation, and to wean me from every social tie, of which I had been blessed with more than an ordinary share; and that shortly after my return from this country last year, to a land of desolation and sorrow, my heart was at times filled with the love of God in a remarkable manner; that in one of those delightful seasons, a prospect was opened before me, the magnitude of which made human nature shrink. But He who had redeemed my life from destruction, and crowned me with loving-kindness and tender mercies, was graciously pleased to beget in me a willingness to go wheresoever He was pleased to lead. My engagements were at the time such, as seemed to preclude the possibility of my being extricated from them for this work; but the pathway was clearly defined, in which as I moved step by step, the mountains became mere mole-hills, and I was at length enabled to lay my concern before my own Monthly and Quarterly Meetings, &c. &c. : and that although some relief had been obtained by casting a share of the weight upon the shoulders of my Friends, yet the burden still remained with me day by day, and at intervals in the night season; desiring that a right judgment might be come to, whether this thing was of the Lord or not.

After a long pause, it was thought that the Morning Meeting could not set me at liberty, without knowing what I expected to do in those distant parts. To this I replied, that no specific line of duty was pointed out to me, in this early stage of the business; but that what had passed in my mind led to a belief, that I should have to turn the people" from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God,"-and to teach them

P

:

that they lived, and moved, and had their being in that God, whom they worshipped, it was probable, as at a distance :that as to the missionaries I might meet with, I could embrace them with open arms, as fellow-men, countrymen, and labourers in the same great work, although, perhaps in a different stage of it.

The certificate will show how the matter issued. The meeting ended in a truly solemn manner. Our dear aged friend William Rickman, was constrained to declare, that the Truth reigned over all.' Many prayers were put up for you all, as well as for myself and others, who may be engaged to the same work.

CHAPTER XIV

CORRESPONDENCE-ATTENDS

NORWICH QUARTERLY MEETING

RECEIVES INTELLIGENCE OF THE DECEASE OF HIS WIFE AND OF THE SEVERE ILLNESS OF OTHERS IN HIS FAMILY-LETTERS TO HIS ABSENT CHILDREN.

To SARAH SMITH.

Tottenham, Eleventh Month 24th, 1832.

I have been told by a respectable ship-owner this morning, that I should not be later than the Second Month in leaving this country, or it will be too late to reach Cape Horn, before the winter sets in, when sailing becomes hazardous in those latitudes. He can speak feelingly on this head, having just lost that fine ship the Science, on her homeward passage, which carrried out our friend James Backhouse and his companion. I should much regret, if this account should reach my beloved wife and family, lest it cause painful forebodings on my behalf; for believe me when I say, that the most painful feelings I have to encounter are on their account. I can look forward with composure to hardships and privations, as regards myself; but for them and over them I yearn, and reverently crave in humble prostration and brokenness of spirit the blessing of preservation and support, and that my ever-gracious Lord will condescend, in the multitude of his everlasting mercies, through the all-sufficient power of his grace, to be a husband and a father to them; and in the mysterious workings of His wondrous Providence, abundantly to supply all their wants, shedding abroad in their hearts a portion of that heavenly love, which banisheth fear from the innocent habitation, and at seasons causeth even the widow and the fatherless to sing, in praise of the majesty of the Lord and the glories of his kingdom.

Although surrounded with many dear friends, both brethren

and sisters, yet I feel amongst them as one born out of due time, and wading in secret silence under a burden, known only to Him, who beholds the inmost recesses of the heart, and who with an invisible hand sustains under its heaviest pressure; whilst according to His loving-kindness, which is better than life, my tribulated soul is humbled into nothingness, and therein brought nearer and nearer to my meek and lowly Saviour, and taught from sensible feeling to magnify His all-redeeming power, and to bless his holy name in the depths of self-abasement. Thus my dear Lord and Master is leading me along, and I trust preparing me to do his righteous will, which can in no other way be accomplished, than by the total surrender of our all to Him, without reservation.

TO HIS WIFE.

Carwood, Twelfth Month 11th, 1832.

MY DEAREST JANE,

At the close of the last letter, I mentioned having been invited to attend the remains of our late valued friend, Martha Smith, to their long home. I reached Doncaster the next day, and found a large number of Friends collected for the same object. Her long residence at Doncaster, and extensive acquaintance in the Society, to many of whom she had long been very dear, caused a large assembling; about sixty persons came from other parts, besides the Friends of her own meeting. According to instructions she had left, the coffin was taken into the meeting-house, agreeably with the ancient practice of the Society. It was truly a memorable and solemn opportunity, I believe both to her friends and to many strangers present. M. T. and another minister were engaged in the fore-part of the meeting, but the weight of the service pretty inuch devolved upon myself:-" Daughters of Jerusalem, weep not for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children," were the expressions opened to my mind; after which I had to declare a belief that if the voice of our dear departed sister, which had so often proclaimed within those walls the wonders of redeeming love and mercy, could then be heard, the language of her purified spirit would be "weep not for me, but weep for

yourselves and for your children;"-and as she could not return to us, but we must follow her, that we should endeavour so to follow her, as she had endeavoured to follow Christ, in the path of self-denial and the daily cross, without which there would be no crown. I had afterwards to declare at the grave side to a crowd of fresh faces from the street, the day of the Lord, which would assuredly try the foundation of all their works. The remainder of the day was I trust profitably spent.

I set off the next morning for Hull, in company with John Hipsley and I. Casson, who had also been invited to the interment: we were favoured to reach Hull in safety that afternoon. I attended their meeting next day to my comfort, and started for York the day following.

Tottenham, Twelfth Month 17th, Seventh day.-I have again taken up the pen to resume my delightful employment of conversing in this way with thee, not I think without a degree of thankfulness, that such an alternative is permitted, however short it may seem of the reality so much desired, I believe by each of us.

I reached Nottingham on Fourth day evening as intended. We had a very comfortable meeting there next day at this as at other places, the hand of time has swept away many, with whom I was well acquainted. It was a solemn meeting: "He that abideth of old," was graciously pleased to crown the little company with His presence. Being the week-day meeting, it may be presumed that few were present, that had not made more or less sacrifice to attend it; and I believe all these were rewarded.

A Friend largely concerned in the South Sea fishery, has suggested a plan altogether unthought of by any of us; and that is, the purchasing a vessel in all respects adapted not only to the voyage out, but also to conveying us from island to island. He particularly recommends her being quite a small cutter, both for safety and expedition, and because capable from her small draught of water of running into shallow harbours and creeks, which a large vessel could not enter. He thinks a crew could be procured, who would be willing to substitute cocoa, tea, &c., for spirits, except for medicinal pur