merely calculated to repel the inclemencies of the weather, every man might supply his own wants; but we have been used to better things. We must have towering palaces, lordly equipages, and soft luxurious indulgences. Now, as these things cannot be enjoyed without the subjection and distress of a vast majority of the inhabitants of any country, it therefore follows that we must reduce to poverty and wretchedness a multitude of our fellow creatures, that we, a little flock, may be affluent and idle. It appears somewhat unjust, we must acknowledge, that the happiness of the many should be sacrificed, in order that the few may partake of the feverish enjoyments of luxury and power. But why should we moralize on the subject? We must have luxury and magnificence; and as luxury and magnificence cannot be procured or supported with out misery and want, we must have misery and want. Could we content ourselves to wait the slow progress of civilization, the necessary quantum of wretchedness would undoubtedly be produced. Property will accumulate in the hands of certain fortunate individuals; others will become poor. The rich will grow proud, luxurious, overbearing; and the poor will become obsequious, degraded, vicious, miserable. There will be nothing but arrogance and dissimulation, oppression and distress, the tyrant and the slave. The seeds of civilization, which we brought from our native shores have already taken root: and the golden fruit of slavery will inevitably be produced. But many centuries must elapse ere it ripen: and life, alas, is short. We must be numbered with the dead long before a sufficiency of poverty will exist to answer our purposes. Can we make use of no artifi cial he ts that will hasten the growth of civil ization? Let us introduce domestic and hereditary slavery: although we live in a barbarous country, we may enjoy all those advantages that flow from the wisdom and experience of ages. This will be compendions civilization." Thus spoke the counsellor The multitude applauded; and made haste to follow his ad vice. tenths of the population being already in a state of downright slavery. Why has not African slavery been introduced into England and other parts of Europe, as well as into the West Indies and the United States? This forbearance, certainly, could not be owing to any religious or moral motive. To enslave oppress and destroy a man in one place is as great a crime as to oppress enslave and destroy him in another. The labors of the sugar plantations in the islands,and of the gold and silver mines on the continent of America are carried on by African slaves; why then do they not also cultivate the fields of England, France and Spain? For this plain reason: a white slave can be hired for less than would maintain a black one. Hence it is plain, that there is no motive, no temptation, to induce the rulers of a polished na ion to permit the introduction of domestic or personal slaves; and therefore they are entitled to no praise on that account. We have often been amused with the boasting rant of English poets and orators, on this subject. They declaim with vehement passion concern. ing the miseries and distresses to which the Africans are subjected in the West India plantations; and at the same time eulogize the English constitution, which gives freedom to every slave who may touch the British shores. Now this is airy nonsense: the price of labor is so low in Great Britain, that a slave, which you would be compelled to maintain in summer and winter, in sickness and health, in youth and old age, and supply with all the necessaries of life, would be an expensive incumbrance. No, no, the English are much given to encourage domestic manufactures and the slaves manufactured in the united kingdom are fully sufficient to answer every demand for domestic consumption; and furnish a few, as usual, for exportation. From what has been said, it appears perfectly plain that this species of slavery, which for distinction's sake we have denominated domestic slavery,cannot be introduced into a civil. ized community, because the market is already overstocked with this same commodity; and Now, although we will not undertake to say when the market is glutted with any article of that the first settlers in the West Indies, or trade, the merchant will be a loser who transany where else, made use of such reasonings mits a fresh supply. Although a slave may as the foregoing; yet we have no hesitation in be valuable among the present semi-savage indeclaring that the true cause of the introduc- habitants of the United States, yet, if we look tion of this species of slavery was the difficulty forward, through five or six centuries, to a experienced in procuring those services which time, when all the western lands, now unoc are easily obtained in civilized communities. cupied, shall teem with population. When the Domestic slavery never originates but among venerable forests shall be forgotten, and cula barbarous people-but among a people where tured fields and smiling villages be seen in considerable equality prevails-but among a every direction; when fifty Londons shall be people who are neither poor nor rich, and found on the seaboard, and a thousand Birwhere the disparity of ranks, which is fostered minghams in the interior; when laborers may by the arts of refinement and civilization, is be hired for six cents a day-then, who will be unknown. A savage people eager to grasp at willing to give a thousand dollars for an Afri. the luxuries of life have no other way to gratify can slave? The country will be then so their desires, but by the introduction of domes- thoroughly civilized, and white slaves will be tic slavery. Refined and polished nations so numerous, that we shall hear no more of never have recourse to this expedient: eight- fresh importations from Africa. Hence it folG lows that, when the necessary quantum of The Schoolmaster. Schoolmaster. At my select academy. Piomingo. Pardon me, my dear sir, for the present interruption-what do you mean by academy? Do you instruct your scholars in a place resembling the inclosure where Plato taught philosophy on the banks of the Ilyssus? Schoolmaster. Plato!-I have not read Plato since I was a boy-0, now I remember, he was a celebrated schoolmaster: he taught an academy at Athens. Academy, sir, is the Latin for school. No genteel teacher now ever makes use of the word school. We have nothing but academies: dancing, drawing, riding, fencing, academies: and academies for the instruction of young ladies and gentlemen in all the branches of polite and useful literature. Piomingo. Thank you sir: you have satis. fied me on that point. You were about to inform me what branches were taught in your select academy for the instruction of young gentlemen. A man of about fifty years of age came, the other day, into our study. He addressed us in a pompous formal manner, and desired to know if we had a family. We thought it a little singular that a stranger should take the liberty to inquire into our private concerns; therefore we made no direct answer to his authoritative demand, but desired to know, in our turn, if he were taking the census. No, sir," said he, "I am a schoolmaster; and as you have lately settled in our neighborhood, I did not know but you might have some chil- Schoolmaster. Yes sir: at my select academy dren to whom you might wish to give a chris- for the instruction of young gentlemen are tian education. You are, yourself, they tell taught reading, chirography, arithmetic, book. me, a savage; and it is likely you will not be keeping, geography with the use of the globes disposed to give up the gods of your fathers, in maps and charts, mensuration of superficies your old age; but you could form no objection and solids, longimetry, altimetry, gauging, I should think, to the plan of having your algebra, geometry, trigonometry, surveying, children instructed in the benign principles of navigation with solar lunar and astral observathe gospel. However, if you are conscientious tions, English grammar, rhetoric, composition, in these things, I will not undertake to inter- logic, history, chronology, mythology, philolo pose with my advice. I am a christian; you gy, natural philosophy, astronomy, and, in fine, are a heathen: and each has a right to enjoy his respective opinions; but we may do each other a good turn notwithstanding. Send your sons to my select academy for young gentlemen; and I promise, upon my honor, that you will have no reason to repent that you have placed them under my care. Furnish then with a savage catechism containing the principles of the Muscogulgee religion; and I shall use the same exertions to have them carefully instructed in the doctrines of your savage forefathers, that I do to have my other pupils imbued with the principles of christianity." Piomingo. You are very accommodating, indeed, my friend; but will you not find it a little difficult to inculcate, at one moment, on certain of your scholars, the necessity of believing in the Indian doctrines as the dictates of eternal truth; and, the next instant, to inform another set of your disciples, that what you had just before been dictating was a mere fiction, and totally unworthy of credit? every branch of polite elegant and useful literature. Here is one of my cards. Piomingo. You promise very fair: you may consider me as a standing subscriber to your school-your select academy, I mean. I think it my duty to encourage a man of your extra. ordinary endowments; but I Schoolmaster. You may rest assured, my dear sir, that every attention, within the limits of my power, shall be paid to the young Muscogulgee gentlemen, your sons, which you are about to intrust to my care. I promise you sincerely, Mr. Piomingo, that I never will abuse any confidence that is placed in me. consider it as a sacred duty, which I owe to my patrons, to my country and to myself, that my pupils should be not only encouraged in the pursuit of elegant and useful learning; but that their manners should be formed in the most genteel style, and their morals sedulously guarded from every species of contaminationHere is a copy of my rules-How many of the young gentlemen do you propose sending to my select academy? Piomingo. I have not any to send. Schoolmaster. Not at all: I should consider myself, in that case, as a mere instrument which you had thought proper to employ for the purpose of infusing into the minds of your Piomingo. If you think proper to comply offspring those principles that best pleased with a requisition I am about to make, I will you, consider myself as answerable to you for the Piomingo. You form a very correct idea of price of tuition of two scholars as long as we the nature of your employment. Pray what continue neighbors. I wish to learn some of do you teach? the secrets of your profession: there are, you know, secrets belonging to every trade; and I would gladly inform myself of the nature of the systein of education which is encouraged by the illuminati of this flourishing city. No disadvantage can arise from your placing this confidence in me: I give you my savage word, that I will never become your rival. Now, if you feel disposed to gratify my curiosity, you may consider me as one of the most zealous of your patrons. Schoolmaster (after a pause). Sir, you are right, when you suppose that we gentlemen of the abecedarian department of literature have little professional secrets. Such is the fact: but it is to be observed in our favor, that we were forced into this line of conduct by our employers themselves. When we dealt honestly and openly with them, we were in continual danger of starvation; but since we have had recourse to the arts of deception, we find teaching a very profitable business. When men are desirous of being deceived, and hold out a reward for those who become dexterous impostors, why should they not be gratified in so reasonable an expectation? I should be very sorry to be so candid with every one; but as I perceive that you have too much penetration to be deceived by a string of highsounding words, and that you already have a tolerable idea of the nature of those arts by which we gull the wise men of the earth, I shall not hesitate to give you every information you may require. Piomingo. Will you be so good as to inform me why all the schools or academies in the city are denominated select? Schoolmaster. By that, sir, we intimate to the public, that we teach only the children of the opulent; and in a country where nothing is found to confer respect or celebrity but the idea of wealth, it gives an air of gentility to our institutions, which we find highly useful: hundreds will send to Mr. Birch's select acade my, who would have treated Thomas Birch and his school with the utmost contempt. Multitudes, who, by the mean grovelling arts now in use, have added cent to cent until they have amassed a considerable sum, are eager to shake off and forget the vulgarity of their ori. gin by giving their offspring what they call a genteel education. They are straining after that undefinable something called ton: and we find it to our advantage to encourage this propensity in our patrons. Piomingo. What is ton? Schoolmaster. The question is easily asked; but I shall find it difficult to give you a satis factory answer. It is something of which we may form a confused idea; but which we find it impossible to describe. It is like the urim and thummim on the breastplate of the Jewish highpriest: volumes have been written to throw light on the subject; but it is still involved in darkness and mystery. Among the moderns it is always found to accompany opulence and splendor. It is a kind of glory which sur. rounds the head of the golden calf, which is set up as the object of universal adoration. Piomingo. The enviable few, who have acquired the high polish you speak of, may be known, I suppose, by their ease of deportment, conciliating address, and suavity of manners. Schoolmaster. Permit me to set you right there, sir: among us, arrogance, pride, and brutality of manners are reckoned eminently genteel. The graces and courtesies, to which you allude, are absolutely unknown among the gay world of a commercial city. Piomingo. How is English grammar taught in the select academies of Philadelphia? Schoolmaster. Why sir, it became fashionable, a few years ago to talk about English grammar. We immediately took the hint: and since that time English grammar has been taught in all our select academies. Piomingo. Do you understand what you profess to teach? Schoolmaster. Understand!-not at all: it would be hard indeed, if we were obliged to learn every thing we profess to teach! Why sir, we lay it down as a universal rule never to appear ignorant of any thing. You may observe that, in my advertisements, I do not profess to teach the Greek and Latin languages: you are not to suppose that I therefore ac knowledge myself to be ignorant of those languages. By no means. Should any one express an inclination to have his son instructed in Hebrew, Greek, or Latin, I immediately reply, "My dear sir, I should be very happy to have a class of young gentlemen, to whom I might give instruction in those languages; but they have become quite unfashionable of late. Gentlemen of the first respectability in the city, whose sons are of course designed for the mercantile profession, inform me that they find a knowledge of the dead languages altogether useless. They are therefore determined that their sons shall not be impeded in the acquisition of useful information by filling their heads with such antiquated rubbish." Now, as the business of a merchant is the object of universal ambition with this money-loving people, I always find this answer perfectly satis factory and decisive. But I believe you spoke of English grammar in particular. Piomingo. Yes, sir. Schoolmaster. As to grammar, I have taught it in my select academy, these seven or eight years; but if there be any sense in it, I must acknowledge that I have never found it out. I however teach my pupils to repeat a long story about nouns, pronouns, verbs, participles, &c. and this answers every purpose. None of my employers are able to detect the imposition. The young gentlemen can tell how many parts of speech there are; talk of nouns common and proper, of transitive and intransitive verbs: but upon my honor, sir, they have no more idea of the meaning of what they repeat, than I have of the language of the antediluvians. And then it is diverting to observe how the fond parents are gratified by this display of the grammatical knowledge of their promising offspring; and how the fame of the teacher is extended by the philological intelligence of his accomplished scholars! Piomingo. Am I to suppose that you are equally ignorant of all the other branches taught in your select academy? Schoolmaster. No: I can read tolerably well; but it must be granted, at the same time, that I am very apt to make risible blunders in pronunciation. However, where one reads better, five hundred read worse, than I do. I never seem at a loss and if any intelligent person should, by accident, be present and attempt to correct any of my errors, I laugh at his presumption; and, as there is always a majority of fools in every mixed company, I generally come off triumphant. I write a good hand; but do not spell very correctly. I understand as much arithmetic as is usually taught in schools and this is the extent of my scientifi. cal acquirements. It must be remarked also that in the course of a long life I have acquired a smattering in various departments of literature, which enables me to put on the appear ance of wisdom,and to declaim with the utmost pomposity and assurance. I can talk fluently of fifty different authors, one of which I have never read, and give my opinion of their merits respectively. I know that Homer is the father of poetry; that he gives an account of the heathen gods, and the destruction of Troy; that he wrote in Greek; that he was blind; and that seven cities were, each, emulous of being considered as the place of his birth. I know that the Iliad is more animated than the Odyssey; that Achilles was fierce, and Ulys ses crafty; that the siege of Troy was continued for ten years; and that the wooden horse proved, at last, the means of its destruction. Should any one desire to hear my opinion of the respective merits of Homer and Virgil, I give, without hesitation, a decided opinion in favor of the former. I assert, with the greatest promptitude, that as to genius-(here, to display my erudition, I interpose a Latin proverb, Poeta nascitur, non fit; for you must know that I have picked up four or five scraps of this kind,which I introduce occasionally to the great edification of my hearers,) that as to genius, which is the grand character stic of a poet, Homer is infinitely superior. Virgil, in deed, I add, is more elaborate and correct: but he is indebted for almost every thing to his great predecessor. Piomingo. But you certainly do not presume to run a parallel between these poets without having read the originals. Schoolmaster. I assure you sir, that I do. Without having read the originals! I have not even read the English translations; and I cannnot pronounce, correctly, one in ten of the proper names that must necessarily occur in those translations. Piomingo. Are you not afraid, at times, of exposing your ignorance? Schoolmaster. Expose my ignorance! To whom? to people more ignorant than myself? My knowledge, which in reality is not extensive, when compared with that of others, rises in importance: and what is still better, my character, as a man of substance and a profound scholar, is firmly established. Do you suppose, Piomingo, that any intelligent animal, who wears a worse coat than I do, would dare to dispute any of my authoritative sayings? I should laugh in his face if he did; and my laugh would be echoed by every ignorant pretender to knowledge. No: nothing can injure my literary reputation but the appearance of poverty; and you may believe me, Piomingo, I endeavor to keep that at as great a distance as possible. Piomingo. Although you are continually acknowledging your ignorance, I must confess that I find your conversation very instructive. You criticise likewise the productions of the moderns? Schoolmaster. Certainly: I can talk fluently of the sublimity of Milton, the majestic march of Dryden, the mellifluous versification of Pope, the humor of Swift, the conceits of Cowley, the descriptive powers of Thomson, the grand obscurity of Gray, and the sweet simplicity of Goldsmith. Piomingo. These authors you have read. Schoolmaster. I have read the title pages of some of them, and sometimes perused elegant extracts, prominent beauties, and entertaining selections, brought into view by the disinterested care and refined taste of ingenious and learned booksellers. It is by no means neces sary that a man should read a poem in order to be able to pronounce sentence on its merits: nothing more is necessary than to fall in with the prevailing opinion, and utter every sentence with the appearance of profound wisdom. There is Milton's Paradise Lost, for example I have never read a dozen lines of it, but what I met with in Scott's Lessons, and Burgh's Art of Speaking; yet no man can talk with more fluency of the grandeur of ideas : and daring imagination of the immortal bard, than I can. In fine, I have discovered an indubitable truth; that knowledge is acquired with difficulty; but, that the appearance of knowledge, which is quite as good, is easily attained. Piomingo. You give your opinion likewise of writers in prose. Schoolmaster. Readily: I know that the style of Addison is natural and idiomatic; and that of Johnson, lofty and majestic-Ex_pede Herculem : that is another of my Latin phrases. I have got festina lente and three or four besides. Piomingo. Have you ever read the works of Addison or Johnson? Schoolmaster. Never. Piomingo. Have you any knowledge of dramatic criticism? Schoolmaster. I attend the theatre; I have learned the common playhouse slang; and sing hosannas to the great bard of nature. I talk of ancient wi, modern sentiment, and the pernicious effects of the German drama! Piomingo Your discourse has been so interesting that 1 found it impossible to interrupt you, though I think we have rather wan. dered from our subject: I believe you intimated a while ago that when you commenced teacher, you pursued a different plan from that by which your conduct is at present regu lated. Schoolmaster. I did: I was, even at that time, able to form a tolerably correct idea of the extent of my own acquirements; and I endeavored, with the utmost assiduity, to communicate to my pupils the knowledge of which I was possessed. The industrions and attentive, I encouraged and rewarded; the indolent and vicious I reprimanded and corrected. This plan I followed for some time; but, ere I was aware, my school dwindled to nothing. Every man conceives that his own son is not only a ge nius of the most exalted order, but also a paragon of virtue: now,as I had dared to form a different opinion, it was thought altogether proper that these promising sons of enlightened fathers should be moved from their present situation, and placed under the care of some celebrated preceptor who would be able to form a correct estimate of the brilliancy of their talents. Every mother considers her son a hero in miniature, rash daring ambitious; too noble to be controlled by a cold formal pedagogue, and too highspirited to submit to any species of chastisement. She is always heard to observe that her "children may be led but cannot be driven: they have a spirit above it." Now, as I conceived this high spirit to be nothing else than childish obstinacy ingendered by the weak indulgence of silly mothers, I resolved that it should be humbled; and when any of my highminded pupils were not disposed to be led, I immediately had recourse to my compulsory process. It is very possible that I was walking in the path of duty; but I found myself diverging so widely from the line of self interest, that I became rather uneasy. Whatever might be the motives of my conduct, the consequence was palpable enough; my school was deserted. I saw my error, and wisely determined to correct it. I removed to a central part of the city, and instantly opened a select academy for the instruction of young gentlemen. My first care was to puff myself in the newspapers in the following manner : Mr. Birch has the honor to inform an enlightened and generous public, that he has determined to devote his time to the tuition of a select and limited number of young gentle men. "Mr. B. is possessed of all those advantages that flow from a polite and liberal education; and he flatters himself that he is fully competent to the task of conveying instruction in the most fashionable and agreeable manner. Mr. B. feels a just abhorrence for the old rigid and compulsory system of education, which has a direct tendency to terrify the tender mind and give it a distaste for every kind of instruction: and he has the utmost pleasure in having the honor to announce to the judicious and intelligent part of the community that, by studious attention, he has devised a plan whereby the otherwise irksome business of education will be rendered agreeable and entertaining."-But why should I repeat the whole? I went on in the usual puffing style, and made the necessary promises of forming the manners and watching over the morals of my pupils. Every thing succeeded agreeably to my wishes. All the world were eager to have their sous instructed at Mr. Birch's new and fashionable academy, where learning was made so amusing, and the affairs were transacted in a style so genteel and so splendid. I resolved to give myself no uneasi. ness about the progress of my scholars in the paths of literature, but to devote my undivided attention to the business of amusing my young gentlemen, and flattering the vanity of their parents. The boys were employed in spouting, writing verses, drawing pictures, and receiving diplomas and certificates: which they carried home and exhibited as testimonials of their proficiency in scientifical pursuits. I instituted quarterly examinations; cards of invitation the literary acquirements of their children conwere sent to my patrons to come and judge of fided to my care; specimens of writing, prepared for the occasion, were exhibited; the young gentlemen were examined in arithmetic, grammar, geography, chronology, mythology; and the entertainment concluded with a spouting match. Promingo. I cannot conceive how you managed the examination. Schoolmaster. Nothing easier: by the assistance of a few books, which are easily procured, I had prepared my disciples to answer some general questions on each of these subasked. jects; and these were the only questions I Piomingo. How did you conduct the spouting match? Schoolmaster. Why, we delivered "Sempronius' speech for war," "Lucius' speech for peace, ," "the dialogue between Brutus and Cassius" and " Antony's oration over Ceasar's dead body." We sacrificed "Hector and Andromache," mangled "a hymn to adversity," and murdered an "ode on the passions." I must not forget to mention that one of my most surprising geniuses committed to memory an oration found in the works of a certain author and passed it on the enlightened assembly as his own composition; but there was nothing |