"Did you never hear of any great man who was called Pope, who never was a cardinal?" said Cuthbert, evidently determined to obtain some share of Mrs. Brandyball's favourable opinion.

"No," said Tom.

"Not Alexander Pope, the poet ?" said Cuthbert, leading him dexterously to an affirmative.

"No: who was he?" said Tom.

"Why, Tommy," said Wells, bored to death by the boy's pertinacity, "he was once called a note of interrogation."

"What's a note of interrogation ?" said Tom.

"A little ugly thing that asks questions," said the Rector. "Oh, Mr. Wells," said Mrs. Brandyball, "that is too severe. Το my mind Pope was not much of a poet."

"To mine," said I," he appears the greatest poet we ever had."
"Who is the best poet now, pappy ?" said Tom.
"Poet, my dear," said Cuthbert;

never mind, I don't know,I'm sure,—there, now that will do,-eat your orange.'

"I perfectly agree with you, Mr. Gurney," said Mrs. Brandyball, "as to the utility of the system of exciting the development of the mental qualities by the institution of a principle of inquiry which must, while its results add fresh stores of information to the questioner, induce a constant desire for new acquirements."

Wells and I exchanged looks, for although it may seem most illiberal that we should encourage any doubts or suspicions with regard to the perfect ebriety of our fair guest, we could not fail to remark that the long words in which she dealt came out rather indistinctly; however, when Wells replenished her glass with port wine, which she that day drank, because she said "the cadent humidity" (Anglice, some rain which had fallen during the afternoon,) "had imparted an agueish character to the circumambient atmosphere."

My position was an awkward one; whenever she evinced a disposition to retire, her destination would be the drawing-room, with no companion save Tom, I therefore did not feel in the slightest degree desirous of unsettling her; nor dare I venture to pay my poor wife a visit, lest the movement should flurry our fair visiter. I knew that in the present state of their minds her joining them would be beyond description disagreeable, and so I affected to be exceedingly snug and comfortable; and Wells seconding my efforts to keep the little party together, the lady gradually warming by the generous influence of what, in the earlier part of the day, she would probably have called the "vinous juice," began proportionably to relinquish all her fine words and euphonic phrases, until at length her natural candour led her not only to talk like other people, but to give us some curious particulars of her own "life, character, and behaviour,' to which I must say the Rector most insidiously led and encouraged her.

"Little pitchers have great ears," said Mrs. Brandyball; "Master Tom had better go to his aunty,-as for my part, I can only say that in France the ladies never leave the table until the gentlemen go."

"Or rather," interrupted Wells, "the gentlemen always go when the ladies leave the table."

now,

"It's the same thing in the end," said Mrs. Brandyball; what I mean to say is this,-Mrs. Gurney is unwell, and, I dare say,

would be better pleased with my room than my company. Indeed, between you and me and the post, I don't think I am overmuch of a favourite with her at any time; and so-as I feel agueish-although the port wine has done me a great deal of good, I don't want to stir from where I am till tea-time: we are very snug where we are-only, to be sure, you may have something to talk about-parish, as we say,in which case I'm off-a nod's as good as a wink to a blind horse."

"But you are not a blind horse," said Tom, looking at her with a perfect consciousness that the expression of her countenance, and the character of her conversation, had undergone a very decided alteration. "No, Master Tom," said the lady, " that's very true."

"No," said Tom; no more than I am a little pitcher; hi'm hup to you, stoopid as you may fancy me."

"Tommy, love," said Cuthbert, "don't speak in that manner to Mrs. Brandyball: what would your sisters say if they heard you?"

Say!" said Tom; "why, they'd laugh like fun, specially Kitty, she would tell me to go it like winkin."

Here the lady telegraphed to me her desire that Tom should be missing as soon as possible; and while she was occupied in this operation, Wells again replenished her glass, having ascertained that she had arrived at an amiable state of oblivious mystification, in which, although she gave some slight evidence of surprise at finding her goblet, like the Panmure punch-bowl, always full, she could not exactly recollect having previously emptied it.

This tampering with her weakness, and ministering to her failing, might have been, by the more rigid, considered, what is colloquially called, "taking an unfair advantage," and I think even I, in my own house, or, what was so called and considered in the neighbourhood, should have interposed to prevent the proceeding, had it not been that I felt I was doing Cuthbert and his daughters-in-law an essential service in contributing to rub off the plating, which he mistook for precious metal, and by allowing his favourite the full gratification of what Kitty had more than once hinted was, when she was at home, her

"Custom always of the afternoon,”

permit her to exhibit herself in her natural colours. I confess the signal success which crowned the early part of the process, and the suddenness with which the mask had been abandoned, rather induced me to sanction its continuance so long as the lady continued "nothing loth;" and so long as no undue influence was exercised over her to induce her to exceed her usual limits.

I answered her signal, and desired Tom to go and get his tea with Harriet and Fanny, in the boudoir, although it was extremely disagreeable to do what I knew would, to a certainty, make them particularly unhappy.

"I'm hoff," said Tom: "hi knows what's what. She's a-going to let out some of her rum stories, and his afraid that I should hear them."

"Tom, my boy, go when your uncle tells you," said Cuthbert.

"Oh, nobody wants to stop," said Tom; "I likes to go to Haunt Fan a precious sight more than staying here."

And out he went, banging the door after him, whistling as he crossed the hall, and stumped up stairs, to torment the consulting sisters.

"He's a nice boy," said Mrs. Brandyball, "only, as I said,

• Children pick up words, as pigeons peas,

And utter them again as God shall please.'

And something might be said about somebody that might as well go no further; as I say,prevention is better than cure,' and I hate tattling."

"You are perfectly right," said Wells, with a look of the profoundest respect, and in a manner so horribly deferential, that I had nearly burst into a fit of laughing, although I was in fact in no very mirthful humour. "Why, la, Mr. Wells," continued the lady, who having freed herself from the restraint imposed by Tom's presence, went off at score; "you must naturally think I know a good deal of the world at my time of life; and so having seen what I have seen in it, my proverb is, 'the least said, sooner mended." "

Yes, thought I, and I suspect your temporary forgetfulness of so excellent a maxim at the present moment is likely to produce some curious results; for I saw Cuthbert every now and then elevate his eyebrows, in a manner for him most actively expressive of astonishment at what he heard.

"Why," said the lady, "now I'll tell you; you know those two girls of yours are as fond of me as if I was their own mother. That's mere nature-all nature-every bit of it nature; they never knew their own mother, then isn't it natural they should love me?—I have always been kind to them, and, as Mr. Gurney knows, never said wrong was the thing they did, though Kitty's as full of mischief as an egg's full of meat:-well then-I-so-oh, what was I saying-something--" "You were speaking of the natural affection of children for their parents," said Wells, who performed his part in the domestic farce with the greatest gravity.

"So I was," said the lady; “and—I had no mother myself!" "What! never, Ma'am ?" said Wells.

"Oh, Mr. Wells," said Mrs. Brandyball, "what a man you are! you do remind me so of an uncle of mine at Bristol."

"Oh," said Wells, “then you had an

uncle ?"

"Two," said the lady; "and, as you said, I had a mother, but she died before I knew anything about her, and that's a very bad thing for a girl."

"It is indeed," said Cuthbert,

"Sighing like furnace."

"And so," continued she, "I was left a good deal to myself; and that was, I think, the foundation of all my knowledge. I was what they would call a self-taught genius. I never was taught nothing on earth by nobody until after I was married, and then poor Mr. B., who was mighty particular, he was a very old man when I married himat least I thought so then, I don't believe he was near so old as Mr. Gurney, but he was a deal too old to marry me, so when I came out with my P's and Q's-all wrong, you know-he used to fidget, and look cross, and so then I had masters and mistresses,-and got on uncommonly well,-and never having any family-none of what the advertising servants call incumbrances-I had plenty of time to devote to myself, and so-as-I say-learning is a treasure-I-then-poor

Mr. B. died-he was in a very extensive way of business-in the timber trade-but somehow-I don't recollect the particulars-when he died, it was found-I never could understand why-that he had not left me a farden-no, Mr. Wells, as I'm a living woman, not the value of a brass farden-nothing settled on me ;-and then I was-nobody to help me―my uncle died-and my father gone abroad for life."

"What a dreadful position for a female," said Cuthbert, who, in the tenderness of his heart, and the intensity of his sympathy in our fair friend's misfortunes, totally lost sight of the main points of her history so candidly-so unconsciously narrated for our edification.

"And what did happen to you?" said Wells.

"Oh," said Mrs. Brandyball," nothing happened to me: I began to think what I had best do-and what was easiest to be done; and just as I was quite at a nonplus, I happened to fall in with a nice respectable lady who kept the school I now keep."

"Who wore that day the arms which now I wear;'"

said I, involuntarily.

"No, not arms," said the lady-" school,-oh, I remember-out of the play-Norval-ha! ha!-On the Grampy Hills,'-that's a very moving play-it always makes me cry to think of his poor dear mother." : My dear Gilbert," said Wells, "you have interrupted Mrs. Brandyball in her autobiography."

Oh, there's not much to tell," said the lady; "only my new friend Mrs. Slinkin wanted an assistant to teach French, Italian, music, geography, and astronomy, and so I engaged myself-her great objection was to my name-which, she said, gave a notion that I was-ha! ha! -the idea-addicted to the use of spirits-but, as I said, what's in a name?—there's Mr. Young, very old-Mrs. White, very brown-Mr. Short, very tall and Mrs. Little, very big,-and why should not Mrs. Brandyball be as sober as a judge *?”

66

Why not, indeed!" said Wells, once more filling up her glass; "and so, I conclude, you satisfied your friend ?"

"Quite entirely so," said Mrs. Brandyball; "so I took the situation, and we got on very comfortably indeed, the best part of the thing is, I didn't know any of the things I went to teach, that is to say, I knew a little of them; but what I said was this, I shall learn them all in time, by teaching the girls,-and so I did-and so then Mrs Slinkin made friends with a Bath doctor,-and he used to recommend Montpelier House as the healthiest place in the neighbourhood,-and so people sent their children to us, and then we sent out one or two to India, and so made a connexion that way,-and at last Mrs. Slinkin married the doctor, and I stepped into the business; and now, I'll venture to say, there isn't a better conducted school in all England, Ireland, and Scotland, or Berwick-upon-Tweed."

Whereupon, to my infinite amazement, I beheld my brother Cuthbert elevate himself to an angle of forty-five, and say, in the sweetest imaginable tone,

"To that I think I can myself bear testimony."

This announcement evidently startled Wells as much as it had sur

* At the period of which Mr. Gilbert Gurney's papers treat, James Smith's admirable song upon the subject of similar anomalies had not appeared.-Ed.

prised me. However, it encouraged the lady to a fuller confession, which, to me and the Rector, was extremely amusing.

“Now," said she," you see me as I am; and I have told you all my history, but I should never have opened my lips as I have done this evening if the girls had been here."

I knew by the expression of Wells's countenance that he was dying to ask her whether, when she talked of opening her lips in the manner she had done this evening, she meant for the purposes of imbibition or oratory.

"Everybody is obliged," said she, "to play a part in this world, that's what I mean to say;-what's a judge off the bench, wig and gown aside?--just like other men, to be sure; but while he is in his court, he must act judge, and nothing else, the same with me :—why, if I was to be natural, as folks call it, and say my say as I like to say it, I should be thought no more of than one of my own housemaids,―recollect the story of the King and the Schoolmaster,-to be sure you do. Well, I make the girls believe their governess the very pink of perfection, never hear me talk what I call plain kitchen English, no, no."

"Well," said I, " for my part, I prefer the simplest language that can be used; and I am sure you will forgive me for saying that I have never enjoyed any evening since your arrival here so much as this."

"That's it," said the joyous matron, "I know that-now at home, when the girls are gone to bed-early hours are healthy, not one of 'em up at half-past eight-I see no harm in having in a neighbour or two and enjoying a quiet rubber of whist or a pool at loo-limited, you know. Well, as I say, there's no immorality in playing cards; yet I should not like my girls to catch me at it. Then, after our cards, we have a bit of supper, seldom anything hot, for the girls could smell that; and, as I always say, suppers are most unwholesome, and never allow them a morsel at night: I should not like them to know that I eat supper myself. Well, and then, as I say, what's the harm of a glass of something warm after supper ?"

"Why," said I," Kitty told us your principle upon that subject, and even referred to your practice."

"Ah!" said the lady," my Kitty is an exception to the general rule, -she is the favourite."

"Thank you, thank you, a thousand times, Mrs. Brandyball," said Cuthbert, "I'm sure of that."

"I call her one of my pattern-girls, Sir," said the lady.

"I trust," said Cuthbert, "my dear Mrs. B., you do not over-fatigue them ?"

"You know, my dear Sir," said the lady, "I do not. I'll tell you my course. Up at eight,-prayers, always read by Miss Julietta Timmins, whose grandmother was aunt to the curate of Cripplesdon,fine voice, sweet delivery, and as slow as a slug,-breakfast at nine,— no nonsense about nerves,- -never let them touch tea,-pure milk-andwater, the cow and the pump,-out for an hour,-relaxation in the shrubbery, at ten in school,-everything parcelled out,-method is the only mode of managing the mind,-seven minutes and a half for geography, ditto for knotting hearthrugs,-a quarter of an hour for French, ten minutes for astronomy,-ditto for the use of the globes,