Peg. To carry on the joke, Bud-to oblige them. Moody. And will nothing serve her but that great baby?-he's too young for her to marry. Peg. Why do you marry me then? 'tis the same thing, Bud. Moody. No, no, 'tis quite different-How in nocent she is―This changeling could not invent this lie; but, if she could, why should she? She might think I should soon discover it. [Aside.] -But hark you, madam, your sister went out in the morning, and I have not seen her within since, Peg. Alack-a-day! she has been crying all day above, it seems, in a corner. Moody. Where is she? let me speak with her. Peg. O Lord! then he'll discover all.-[Aside.] | Pray hold, Bud; what, d'ye mean to discover me! she'll know I have told you then. Pray, Bud, let me talk with her first. Moody. I must speak with her, to know whether Belville ever made her any promise, and whether she will be married to Sparkish or no. Peg. Pray, dear Bud, don't, till I have spoken with her, and told her that I have told you all; for she'll kill me else. Moody. Go then and bid her come to me. Peg. I have just got time to know of Lucy, who first set me to work, what lie I shall tell next; for I am e'en at my wit's end. [Aside, and exit. Moody. Well, I resolve it, Belville shall have her: I'd rather give him my sister, than lend him my wife; and such an alliance will prevent his pretensions to my wife, sure-I'll make him of kin to her, and then he won't care for her. Peg. [Re-enters] O Lord, Bud, I told you what anger you would make me with my sister. Moody. Won't she come hither? Peg. No, no, she's asham'd to look you in the face; she'll go directly to Mr Belville, she says before she disco a'n't swelled out of her head, she is in such a piteous taking. Moody. Belville sha'n't use her ill, I'll take care of that-if he has made her a promise, he shall keep to it--but she had better go first -I will follow her at a distance, that she may have no interruption: and I will wait in the Park before I see them, that they may come to a reconciliation before I come upon 'em. Peg. Lau, Bud, how wise you are! I wish I had half your wisdom; you see every thing at once -Stand a one side then, and I'll tell her you are gone to your room, and when she passes by, you may follow her. I Moody. And so I will-she sha'n't see me till [Exit PEGGY. Enter PEGGY, dress'd like ALITHEA; and as [Exit. Moody. Comes forward.] There the poor devil goes, sighing and sobbing; a woful example of the fatal consequences of a town education -but I am bound in duty, as well as inclination, to do my utmost to save her-but first I'll secure my own property. [Opens the door and calls.]-Peggy! Peggy!-my dear!-I will return as soon as possible-do you hear me? Why -She must speak with you. She says too, don't you answer? You may read in the book I vers all to you-or even sees that you shall know the reason by and by. Pray Moody. Pooh! you fool-she ashamed of Peg. I will, Bud. [Going. Moody. Stay, stay, Peggy- let her have her own way she shall go to Belville herself, and I'll follow her that will be best- -let her have her whim. Peg. You're in the right, Bud- for they have certainly had a quarrel, by her crying and hanging her head so-Î'll be hang'd if her eyes bought you 'till I come back-As the Jew says in the play, Fast bind, fast find. [Locks the door.] This is the best, and only security for female affections. [Exit. SCENE II.—The Park before BELVILLE's Door. Enter SPARKISH, fuddled. Spark. If I can but meet with her, or any body that belongs to her, they will find me a match for 'em- -When a man has wit, and a great deal of it-Champagne gives it a double edge, and nothing can withstand it-'tis a lighted match to gunpowder-the mine is sprung, and the poor devils are toss'd heels uppermost in an instant. I was right to consult my friends, and they all agree with Moody, that I make a damn'd ridiculous figure, as matters stand at present.— I'll consult Belville-this is his house-he's my friend too-and no fool. It shall be so damn it, I must not be ridiculous. [Going to the door, sees PEGGY coming.] Hold! hold! if the Champagne does not hurt my eye-sight, while it sharpens my wit, the enemy is marching up this way Come on, Madam Ålithea; now for a smart fire, and then let's see who will be ridiculous. Enter PEGGY. Peg. Dear me, I begin to tremble-there is Mr Sparkish, and I cann't get to Mr Belville's house without passing by him-he sees me--and will discover me-he seems in liquor too!-bless me! Spark. O ho! she stands at bay a little-she don't much relish the engagement. The first blow is half the battle. I'll be a little figurative with her. [Approaching her.] I find, madam, you like a solo better than a duet. You need not have been walking alone this evening, if you had been wiser yesterday- -What, nothing to say for yourself? Repentance, I suppose, makes you as awkward and as foolish as the poor country girl your brother has lock'd up in Pall Mall. Peg. I'm frighten'd out of my wits. [Tries to pass him. Spark. Not a step farther shall you go, 'till you give me an account of your behaviour, and make me reparation for being ridiculous. What, dumb still then, if you won't by fair means, I must squeeze you to a confession. [As he goes to seize her, she slips by him; but he catches hold of her before she reaches BELVILLE's door.] Not quite so fast, if you please. Come, come, let me see your modest face, and hear your soft tongue-or I shall be tempted to use you ill. Enter MOODY. Moody. Hands off, you ruffian-how dare you use a lady, and my sister, in this manner? [MOODY takes her from SPARKISH. Spark. She's my property, sir-transferred to me by you-and though I would give her up to any body for a dirty sword-knot, yet I won't be bullied out of my right, tho' it is not worth that[Snaps his fingers. Moody. There's a fellow to be a husbandyou are justified in despising him, and flying from him-I'll defend you with my purse and my sword knock at the door, and let me speak to Belville. -PEGGY knocks at the door; when the footman opens it, she runs in.]— master at home, friend? Foot. Yes, sir. Is your Moody. Tell him then that I have rescued that lady from this gentleman, and that by her desire, and my consent, she flies to him for protection; if hen get a parson, let him marry her this minute; tell him so, and shut the door. [Exit Footman.]—And now, sir, if your wine has given you courage, you had better shew it upon this occasion, for you are still damn'd ridiculous. Spark. Did you ever hear the like! Look ye, Mr Moody, we are in the Park, and to draw a sword is an offence to the court-so you may vapour as long as you please. A wo man of so little taste is not worth fighting forshe's not worth my sword! but if you'll fight me to-morrow morning for diversion, I am your man. Moody. Relinquish your title in the lady to Belville peaceably, and you may sleep in a whole skin. Spark. Belville! he would not have your sister with the fortune of a nabob; no, no, his mouth waters at your country tid-bit at homemuch good may it do him. Moody. And you think so, puppy-ha, ha, ha ! Spark. Yes, I do, mastiff-ha, ha, ha! Moody. Then thy folly is complete-ha, ha, ha! Spark. Thine will be so, when thou hast married thy country innocence-ha, ha, ha! [They laugh at each other. Enter HARCOURT. Moody. Who have we here? Har. I follow'd you to Belville's, to present a near relation of yours, and a nearer one of mine, to you. [Exit. Spark. What's the matter now? Re-enter HARCOURT with ALITHEA. Hur. Give me leave, gentlemen, without of fence to either, to present Mrs Harcourt to you. Spark. Alithea! your wife !— Mr Moody, are you in the clouds too? Moody. If I am not in a dream I am the most miserable waking dog, that ever run mad with his misfortunes and astonishment! Har. Why so, Jack?can you object to my happiness, when this gentleman was unworthy of it? [MOODY walks about in a rage. Spark. This is very fine, very fine indeedwhere's your story about Belville now, Squire Moody? Pr'ythee don't chafe, and stare, and stride, and beat thy head, like a mad tragedy poet -but out with thy tropes and figures. Moody. Zounds! I cann't bear it. [Goes hustily to BELVILLE's door, and knocks hard. Ali. Dear brother, what's the matter? Moody. The devil's the matter! the devil and woman together. [Knocks again.] I'll break the door down if they won't answer. [Knocks again. Footman appears in the balcony. Foot. What would your honour please tó have? Moody. Your master, rascal! Foot. He is obeying your commands, sir, and the moment he is finished he will do himself the pleasure to wait upon you. Moody. You sneering villain you-If your master does not produce that she devil, who is now with him, and who, with a face of innocence, has cheated and undone me, I'll set fire to his house. [Exit Foot. Spark. Gad so! now I begin to smoke the business. Well said, simplicity, rural simplicity! 'Egad! if thou hast trick'd Cerberus here, I shall be so ravish'd, that I will give this couple a wedding-dinner. Pray, Mr Moody, who's damn'd ridiculous now? Moody. [Going to SPARKISH.] Look ye, sir -don't grin, for if you dare to shew your teeth at my misfortunes, I'll dash 'em down your impudent throat, you jackanapes. Spark. Quite calm.] Very fine, faith- -but I have no weapons to butt with a mad bull, so you may toss and roar by yourself, if you please. BE VILLE appears in the balcony. Belv. What does my good friend want with me? Moody. Are you a villain, or are you not? PEGGY appears in the balcony. Moody. How dare you look me in the face, cockatrice? Peg. How dare you look me in the face, Bud? Have you not given me to another, when you ought to have married me yourself? Have not you pretended to be married to me, when you knew in your conscience you was not?-And have not you been shilly-shally for a long time? So that if I had not married dear Mr Belville, I should not have married at all-so I should not. [BELVILLE and PEGGY retire from the balcony. Spark. Extremely pleasant, faith; ha, ha, ha! Moody. I am stupified with shame, rage, and astonishment-my fate has o'ercome-I can struggle no more with it. [Sighs.] What is left me-I cannot bear to look, or be looked upon -I will hurry down to my old house, take a twelvemonth's provision into it-cut down my draw-bridge, run wild about my garden, which shall grow as wild as myself—then will I curse the world, and every individual in it—and when my rage and spirits fail me, I will be found dead among the nettles and thistles, a woeful example of the baseness and treachery of one sex, and of the falsehood, lying, perjury, deceit, impudence, and damnation of the other. [Exit. Spark. Very droll, and extravagantly comic, I must confess; ha, ha, ha! [Enter BELVILLE and PEGGY.] Look ye, Belville, I wish you joy, with all my heart-you have got the prize, and perhaps have caught a Tartar-that's no business of mine- If you want evidence for Mr Moody's gi ving his consent to your marriage, I shall be ready. I bear no ill will to that pair. I wish you happy. [To ALITHEA and HARCOURT.] Tho' I am sure they'll be miserable-and so your humble servant. {Erit. Peg. I hope you forgive me, Alithea, for playing your brother this trick; indeed I should have only made him and myself miserable, had we married together. Ali. Then 'tis much better as it is-But I am yet in the dark how this matter has been brought about; how your innocence, my dear, has outwitted his worldly wisdom. Peg. I am sure I'll do any thing to please my Bud, but marry him. EPILOGUE. SPOKEN BY PEGGY. BUT you, good gentry, what say you to this? THE PLAIN DEALER. BY WYCHERLY. PROLOGUE. SPOKEN BY THE PLAIN DEALER. I THE Plain Dealer am to act to-day; Rail, then, at plays, to hide your obligation. And your MEN. DRAMATIS PERSONÆ. MANLY, of an honest, surly, nice humour, supposed first, in the time of the Dutch war, to have procured the command of a ship, out of ho nour, not interest, and chusing a sea-life, only to avoid the world. FREEMAN, Manly's lieutenant, a gentleman well educated, but of a broken fortune, a complier with the age. VARNISH, Manly's bosom and only friend. NOVEL, a pert, railing coxcomb, and an admirer of novelties, makes love to Olivia. Major OLDFOX, an old, impertinent fop, given to scribbling, makes love to the Widow Black acre. My Lord PLAUSIBLE, a ceremonious, supple, com VOLIVIA, Manly's mistress. FIDELIA, in love with Manly, and followed him to sea in man's clothes. ELIZA, cousin to Olivia. LETTICE, Olivia's woman. The Widow BLACKACRE, a petulant, litigious widow, always in law, and mother to Squire Jerry. Lawyers, Knights of the Post, Bailiffs, and Aldermen, a. Bookseller's Prentice, a Foot-boy, Sailors, Waiters, and Attendants. SCENE, London. ACT I. SCENE 1.-Captain MANLY's Lodgings. Enter Captain MANLY surlily, and my Lord PLAUSIBLE following him, and two Sailors behind. Man. Tell not me, my good Lord Plausible, of your decorums, supercilious forms, and slavish ceremonies; your little tricks, which you, the spaniels of the world, do daily over and over, for, and to one another, not out of love or duty, but your servile fear. L. Plau. Nay, i'faith, i'faith, you are too passionate, and I must humbly beg your pardon, and leave to tell you, they are the arts and rules the prudent of the world walk by. Man. Let'em. But I'll have no leading-strings; I can walk alone; I hate a harness, and will not tug on in a faction, kissing my leader behind, that another slave may do the like to me. L. Plau. What, will you be singular then, like nobody follow love, and esteem nobody? Man. Rather than be general, like you; follow every body, court and kiss every body; though, perhaps, at the same time, you hate every body. L. Plau. Why, seriously, with your pardon, my dear friend Man. With your pardon, my no friend, I will not, as you do, whisper my hatred or my scorn, call a man'fool or knave, by signs or mouths over his shoulder, whilst you have him in your arms; for such as you, like common whores and pickpockets, are only dangerous to those you embrace. L. Pluu. Such as I! Heavens defend meupon my honour Man. Upon your title, my lord, if you'd have me believe you. L. Plau. Well, then, as I am a person of honour, I never attempted to abuse or lessen any person in my life. Man. What, you were afraid? L. Plau. No; but, seriously, I hate to do a rude thing: no, faith, I speak well of all mankind. Man, I thought so; but know, that the speaking well of all mankind is the worst kind of detraction; for it takes away the reputation of the few good men in the world, by making all alike:\ now, I speak ill of most men, because they deserve it; I that can do a rude thing, rather than an unjust thing. L. Plau. Well, tell not me, my dear friend, what people deserve; I ne'er mind that; I, like an author in a dedication, never speak well of a man for his sake, but my own; I will not disparage any man, to disparage myself; for to speak ill of people behind their backs is not like a person of honour; and, truly, to speak ill of 'em to their faces is not like a complaisant person: but if I did say or do an ill thing to any, it should be sure to be behind their backs, out of pure good manners. |