Set. Captain, I would do any thing to serve you; but this is so difficult

-In the

Bluff. Not at all! Don't I know him? Set. You'll remember the conditions ?Bluff. I'll give't you under my handmean time, here's earnest. [Gives him money.]— Come, knight, I'm capitulating with Mr Setter for you.

Sir Jos. Ah, honest Setter-Sirrah, I'll give thee any thing but a night's lodging. [Exeunt.

Enter SHARPER, tugging in Heartwell. Sharp. Nay, pr'ythee leave railing, and come along with me: May be she mayn't be within; 'tis but to yon corner-house.

Heart. Whither? Whither? Which cornerhouse?

Sharp. Why, there: The Two White Posts. Heart. And who would you visit there, say you?-O'ons, how my heart aches!

Sharp. Pshaw! thou'rt so troublesome and inquisitive Why, I'll tell you; 'tis a young creature that Vainlove debauch'd, and has forsaken. Did you never hear Bellmour chide him about Silvia?

Heart. Death and hell, and marriage! My wife! [Aside. Sharp. Why, thou art as musty as a new-married man, that had found his wife knowing the first night.

Heart. Hell and the devil! Does he know it? But hold- if he should not, I were a fool to discover it I'll dissemble, and try him. [Aside.] Ha, ha, ha! Why, Tom, is that such an occasion of melancholy? Is it such uncommon mischief?

Sharp. No, faith; I believe not.-Few women but have their year of probation, before they are cloister'd in the narrow joys of wedlock. But, pr'ythee, come along with me, or I'll go and have the lady to myself by the way, George. [Going.

Heart. O torture! How he racks and tears me!-Death! Shall I own my shame, or wittingly let him go and whore my wife? No, that's insupportableOh, Sharper! Sharp. How now?

Heart. Oh, I am-married! Sharp. Now hold, spleen!-Married! Heart. Certainly, irrecoverably married. Sharp. Heaven forbid, man! How long? Heart. Oh, an age, an age! I have been married these two hours.

Sharp. My old bachelor married! that were a jest. Ha, ha, ha!

Heart. Death! D'ye mock me? Hark ye, if either you esteem my friendship, or your own safety, come not near that house-that cornerhouse that hot brothel. Ask no questions.

SETTER entering.

Set. Some by experience find those words misplaced;

At leisure married, they repent in haste. As I suppose my master Heartwell.

Sharp. Here again, my Mercury!

Set. Sublimate, if you please, sir; I think my achievements do deserve the epithet-Mercury was a pimp too, but, though I blush to own it, at this time, I must confess I am somewhat fallen from the dignity of my function, and do condescend to be scandalously employed in the promotion of vulgar matrimony.

Shurp. As how, dear dexterous pimp?

Set. Why, to be brief, (for I have weighty affairs depending,) our stratagem succeeded as you intended-Bluffe turns arrant traitor; bribes me to make a private conveyance of the lady to him, and put a sham-settlement upon Sir Joseph.

Sharp. O rogue! Well, but I hope

Set. No, no; never fear me, sir-I privately informed the knight of the treachery; who has agreed seemingly to be cheated, that the captain may be so in reality.

Sharp. Where's the bride?

Set. Shifting cloaths for the purpose, at a friend's house of mine. Here's company coming; if you'll walk this way, sir, I'll tell you. [Exeunt. Enter BELLMOUr, Belinda, Araminta, and VAINLOVE.

Vain. Oh, 'twas a frenzy all: Cannot you forgive it?-Men in madness have a title to your pity. [To ARAMINTA. Aram. Which they forfeit, when they are restored to their senses.

Vain. I am not presuming beyond a pardon. Aram. You who could reproach me with one counterfeit, how insolent would a real pardon make you! But there's no need to forgive what is not worth my anger.

Belin. O' my conscience, I could find in my heart to marry thee, purely to be rid of theeAt least, thou art so troublesome a lover, there's hopes thou❜lt make a more than ordinary quiet husband. [TO BELLMOUR. Bell. Say you so?Is that a maxim among ye?

Belin. Yes; you flattering men of the mode have made marriage a mere French dish.

Bell. I hope there's no French sauce. [Aside. Belin. You are so curious in the preparation, that is, your courtship, one would think you meant a noble entertainment; but when we come to feed, 'tis all froth, and poor, but in show: nay, often only remains, which have been I know not how many times warmed for other company, and at last served up cold to the wife.

Bell. That were a miserable wretch indeed, who could not afford one warm dish for the wife of his bosom-But you timorous virgins form a dreadful chimera of a husband, as of a creature

contrary to that soft, humble, pliant, easy thing, a lover, so guess at plagues in matrimony, in opposition to the pleasures of courtship. Alas! courtship to marriage, is but as the music in the playhouse, till the curtain's drawn ; but that once up, then opens the scene of pleasure.

Belin. Oh, foh-no: rather, courtship to mar riage, is a very witty prologue to a very dull play!

Enter SHARPER.

Sharp. Hist, Bellmour! if you'll bring the ladies, make haste to Silvia's lodgings, before Heartwell has fretted himself out of breath.-I'm in haste now, but I'll come in at the catastrophe. [Exit. Bell. You have an opportunity now, madam, to revenge yourself upon Heartwell, for affronting your squirrel. [TO BELINDA.

Belin. O the filthy rude beast! Aram. 'Tis a lasting quarrel: I think he has never been at our house since.

Bell. But give yourselves the trouble to walk to that corner-house, and I'll tell you by the way what may divert and surprise you. [Exeuni.

SCENE II.-Changes to SILVIA's Lodging.

Enter HEARTWELL and Boy.

Heart. Gone forth, say you, with her maid? Boy. There was a man, too, that fetched 'em out-Setter, I think, they called him.

Heart. So-h-That precious pimp tooDamn'd, damn'd strumpet! Could she not contain herself on her wedding-day! Not hold out till night! Leave me. [Exit Boy.] O cursed state! How wide we err, when, apprehensive of the load of life,

-We hope to find That help which nature meant in woman-kind! To man that supplemental self design'd, But proves a burning caustic when apply'd; And Adam sure could, with more ease, abide The bone when broken, than when made a bride.

Enter BELLMOUR, BELINDA, VAINLOVE, and ARAMINTA.

Bell. Now, George! what, rhyming? I thought the chimes of verse were past, when once the doleful marriage-knell was rung

Heart, Shame and confusion! I am exposed. [VAINLOVE and ARAMINTA talk apart. Belin. Joy, joy, Mr Bridegroom! I give you joy, sir!

Heart. 'Tis not in thy nature to give me joy— A woman can as soon give immortality.

Belin. Ha, ha, ha !-O Gad! men grow such clowns when they are married

Bell. That they are fit for no company but their wives.

Belin. Nor for them neither, in a little timeI swear, at the month's end, you shall hardly find a married man that will do a civil thing to his

by

Bell. Hold, hold !—What the devil, thou wilt not draw upon a woman!

Vain. What's the matter?

Aram. Bless me! what have you done to him? Belin. Only touched a gall'd beast till he winced.

Vain. Bellmour, give it over; you vex him too much; 'tis all serious to him.

Belin. Nay, I swear, I begin to pity him myself. Heart. Damn your pity!-But let me be calm a little-How have I deserved this of you? Any of ye?-Sir, have I impaired the honour of your house, promised your sister marriage, and whored her? Wherein have I injured you? Did I bring a physician to your father, when he lay expiring, and endeavour to prolong his life, and you oneand-twenty?-Madam, have I had an opportunity with you and baulked it? Did you ever offer me the favour that I refused it? Őr-

Belin. Oh foh! What does the filthy fellow mean? Lard, let me be gone!

Aram. Hang me if I pity you; you are right enough served.

Bell. This is a little scurrilous though. Vain. Nay, 'tis a sore of your own scratching -Well, George,

Heart. You are the principal cause of all my present ills. If Silvia had not been your whore, my wife might have been honest.

Vain. And if Silvia had not been your wife, my whore might have been just―There we are even-But have a good heart: I heard of your misfortune, and come to your relief.

Heart. When execution's over, you offer a reprieve.

Vain. What would you give?

Heart. Oh! any thing, every thing, a leg or an arm: Nay, I would be divorced from my viri lity, to be divorced from my wife.

Enter SHARPER.

Vain. Faith that's a sure way-But here's one can sell you freedom better cheap.

Sharp. Vainlove, I have been a kind of a gofather to you yonder; I have promised and vowed some things in your name, which I think you are bound to perform.

Vain. No signing to a blank, friend.

Sharp. No, I'll deal fairly with you-'Tis a

full and free discharge to Sir Joseph Wittol and Captain Bluffe, for all injuries whatsoever done unto you by them, until the present` date hereof -How say you? Vain. Agreed.

Sharp. Then let me beg these ladies to wear their masks a moment. [Exit.

Heart. What the devil's all this to me?
Vain. Patience.

Re-enter SHARPER, with Sir Joseph, Bluffe,
SILVIA, LUCY, and SETTER.

Bluff. All injuries whatsoever, Mr Sharper. Sir Jos. Ay, ay, whatsoever, captain! stick to that;-whatsoever!

Sharp. 'Tis done; those gentlemen are witnesses to the general release.

Vain. Ay, ay, to this instant moment-I have past an act of oblivion.

Bluff. 'Tis very generous, sir, since I needs

must own

Sir Jos. No, no, captain, you need not own, heh, heh, heh! 'Tis I must own.

Bluff. That you are over-reach'd too, ha, ha, ha! Only a little art military used-only undermined, or so, as shall appear by the fair Araminta, my wife's permission. Oh, the devil, cheated at last! [LUCY unmasks.

Sir Jos. Only a little art military trick, captain; only countermined, or so—) -Mr Vainlove, I suppose you know whom I have got-now-but all's forgiven.

Vain. I know whom you have not got; pray, ladies, convince him.

[ARAMINTA and BELINDA unmask. Sir Jos. Ah! O Lord, my heart aches-Ah! Setter, a rogue of all sides.

the loss of his wife.

Sharp. Sir Joseph, you had better have preengaged this gentleman's pardon: For, though Vainlove be so generous to forgive the loss of his mistress, I know not how Heartwell may take (SILVIA unmasks. Heart. My wife! By this light 'tis she, the very cockatrice-Oh, Sharper! let me embrace thee-But art thou sure she is really married to him?

Set. Really and lawfully married, I am witness. Sharp. Bellmour will unriddle to you.

[HEARTWELL goes to BELLMOUR. Sir Jos. Pray, madam, who are you? for I find you and I are like to be better acquainted. Silv. The worst of me is, that I am your wife

Sharp. Come, Sir Joseph, your fortune is not so bad as you fear-A fine lady, and a lady of very good quality.

Sir Jos. Thanks to my knighthood, she's a lady

Vain. That deserves a fool with a better title -Pray use her as my relation, or you shall bear on't.

Bluff. What, are you a woman of quality too, spouse?

Set. And my relation; pray let her be respected accordingly-Well, honest Lucy, fare thee well-I think you and I have been play-fellows off and on, any time this seven years.

Lury. Hold your prating—I'm thinking what vocation I shall follow, while my spouse is planting laurels in the wars.

Bluff. No more wars; spouse, no more wars— While I plant laurels for my head abroad, I may find the branches sprout at home.

Heart. Bellmour, I approve thy mirth, and thank thee-And I cannot in gratitude (for I see which way thou art going) see thee fall into the same snare, out of which thou hast deliver'd me.

Bell. I thank thee, George, for thy good intention-But there is a fatality in marriage-For I find I'm resolute.

Heart. Then good counsel will be thrown away upon you-For my part I have once escaped; and when I wed again, may she be-ugly as an old bawd.

Vain. Ill-natured as an old maid-
Bell. Wanton as a young widow-
Sharp. And jealous as a barren wife.
Heart. Agreed.

Bell. Well; 'midst of these dreadful denunciations, and notwithstanding the warning and example before me, I commit myself to lasting du

rance.

Belin. Prisoner, make much of your fetters. [Giving her hand. Bell. Frank, will you keep us in countenance? Vain. May I presume to hope so great a blessing?

Aram. We had better take the advantage of a little of our friend's experience first.

Bell. O' my conscience she dare not consent, for fear he should recant. [Aside.] Well, we shall have your company to church in the morningMay be it may get you an appetite, to see us fall to before ye. Setter, did not you tell me

Set. They're at the door : I'll call 'em in.

[A Dance.

As a rash girl, who will all hazards run,
And be enjoy'd, though sure to be undone ;
Soon as her curiosity is over,

Would give the world she could her toy recover:
So fares it with our poet; and I'm sent
To tell you, he already does repent:
Would you were all as forward to keep Lent.
Now the deed's done, the giddy thing has leisure
To think o'th' sting that's in the tail of pleasure.
Methinks I hear him in consideration!

What will the world say? Where's my reputation?

Now that's at stake-No, fool, 'tis out of fashion.

If loss of that should follow want of wit,
How many undone men were in the pit!
Why that's some comfort to an author's fears,
If he's an ass, he will be tried by peers.

But hold-I am exceeding my commission;
My business here was humbly to petition:
But we're so used to rail on these occasions,
I could not help one trial of your patience:
For 'tis our way, you know, for fear o'th' worst,
To be before-hand still, and cry fool first.
How say you, sparks? How do you stand af-
fected?

I swear young Bays within is so dejected,
'Twould grieve your hearts to see him; shall I
call him?

But then you cruel critics would so maul him!
Yet, may be, you'll encourage a beginner;
But how?-Just as the devil does a sinner.
Women and wits are used e'en much as one,
You gain your ends, and damn 'em when you've

done.

BY

MOORS have this way (as story tells) to know
Whether their brats are truly got or no:
Into the sea the new-born babe is thrown,
There, as instinct directs, to swim or drown,
A barbarous device, to try if spouse
Has kept religiously her nuptial vows.

Such are the trials poets make of plays;
Only they trust to more inconstant seas;
So does our author this his child commit
To the tempestuous mercy of the pit,
To know if it be truly born of wit.
Critics, avaunt! for you are fish of prey,
And feed, like sharks, upon an infant play.
Be ev'ry monster of the deep away;
Let's have fair trial, and a clear sea.

Let nature work, and do not damn too soon, For life will struggle long, ere it sink down; And will at least rise thrice before it drown.

Let us consider, had it been our fate,
Thus hardly to be proved legitimate!
I will not say we'd all in danger been,
Were each to suffer for his mother's sin:
But by my troth I cannot avoid thinking,
How nearly some good men might have 'scaped
sinking.

But, Heaven be praised, this custom is confined
Alone to the offspring of the muses' kind:
Our christian cuckolds are more bent to pity;
I know not one Moor-husband in the city.
I'th' good man's arms the chopping bastard thrives,
For he thinks all his own that is his wife's.

Whatever fate is for this play designed,
The poet's sure he shall some comfort find:
For if his muse has play'd him false, the worst
That can befall him is,-to be divorced;
You husbands judge, if that be to be cursed.

MEN.

MASKWELL, a Villain; pretended Friend to Mellefont, Gallant to Lady Touchwood, and in love with Cynthia.

Lord TOUCHWOOD, Uncle to Mellefont.

Knight; Brother to Lady Touchwood, and Father to Cynthia.

WOMEN.

Lady TOUCHWOOD, in love with Mellefont.

Wife, promised to Mellefont.

Lady FROTH, a great Coquet; Pretender to Poetry, Wit, and Learning.

Lady PLYANT, insolent to her Husband, and easy to any Pretender.