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he came to fave the cheif of finners. 1 Johni. 7. 1 Tim i. 15. This way proved oft relieving. 3

8. When I had got over thefe temptations, then I got up as I could and refolved to feek him in the ufe of all duties of his appointment, meditation, prayer, reading, hearing. Thefe duties I followed with various fuccefs. For, 1. Sometimes when I effay'd to confefs my fins, the Lord clofed my lips, and I had not a word to fay. Pfalm li. 15. 2. Sometime I got leave to run the round of duties; But with the spouse her fuccefs, I fought him but I found him not.' Cant. iii. 1. Again, 3. At other times I met with new ftrokes; The watchmen that went about the city found me and fmote me, and took away my vail,' Gant. v. 7. even the faithful fervants of Chrift made my wound deeper, by setting home fin more closely.

9. At fometimes being outwearied, and fense wearing off through the weakness of our nature, diverfions, and the deceitfulness of fin, I attempted to speak peace to myself, I got a fort of quietness and relief. But this was easily difcernible. For, 1. It left me in my former deadness, and I was not as before when God fpake peace. Ezek. xiii. 10. Jer. viii. 11. 2. I was easily induc'd to return again to folly. Pfalm xxxv. 8. 3. When I faid, Peace peace, Judden deftru ion followed it: 1 Thef. v. 3. For the Lord was wroth, and one way or other difcovered his difpleasure against me, and finally my own peace did not heal the fore, for the wrath of God, fhame and confufion hovered over my head.

12. When the Lord let me fee my mistake, then he fet me awork again to enquire after him, and to purfue the former courfe, and when I had gone a little further I found him, Cant. iii. 4. and he reliev ed me, and the way whereby he relieved me was the fame with that whereby he at first did deliver me, whereof before I have given account, and therefor I thall here reprefent it only more briefly; 1. The

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Lord fet my fin in all its aggravations, efpecially as it ftruct against him, before mine eyes, Against thee, thee only have I finned, and in thy fight done this ill.' Pfalm li. 4. 2. The Lord led me up even to the fountain and difcovered original fin as the fource, and all, at least many of the other bitter waters that flowed from that bitter fountain, by the light whereby he difcovered this one, he (as it was with the woman of Samaria) told me all that ever I did in my life.' John iv. 29. Behold I was fhapen in iniquity: and

in fin did my mother conceive me.' Pfalm li. 5. 3. Very oft he laid before me, and brought me under an afflicting fenfe, even of the iniquites of my fathers, Lev. xxvi. 40. Ezra ix. 7. and predeceffors whom I never knew. 4. He cut off all excufes, and made me felf-convicted, and fo ftop'd my mouth quite, that I could neither deny nor excufe, and fo I was guily before God, Rom. iii. 19. being ftripp'd of all my or numents. Exod xxxiii. 5, 6. 5. He difcovered to me, what in juftice he might do, and that he might caft me off, and out of his fight like Cain, and brought me to own, that he would be righteous, holy and clear in judging thus, Pfalm li. 4. and that any punishment on this fide hell, would be mercy. Lam. iii. 22. 6.. In this cafe I lay waiting to fee what he would do with me, convinc'd that whatever he fhould do, though I could not but dread wrath and feparation from him, and cry against it, yet I own'd all would be juft. To the Lord belongs righteoufnefs, and to me fhame and confufion of face. Dan ix. 7. 7. Then in mercy he stepp'd in, and made a gracious difcovery of the fountain opened for fin and uncleanness,' Zech. xiii. 1. and that blood of attonement that cleanses the confcience from all fin, I John i. 7. in the fight of the Lord. 8. Hereby he drew my foul to clofe with, and with trembling to lay ftrefs on it. Iniquitys prevail againft me I must confefs: But as for our tranfgreffions thou will purge

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them away.' Pfalm lxv. 3. 9. Having by this look, drawn my eyes to look at him again, while I look'd at him, my foul melted in tears, and my heart that was formerly bound up was loofed, Zech. xii. 10. and my lips formerly fometimes quite clofed were opened. Pfalm li. 15. When I look'd on him whom I had pierc'd, I mourned, and oft like Peter, I wept bitterly. Luke xxii. 62. Whereas before when I was lying felfcondemned, guilty, and my mouth stopp'd, I fome-times could fcarce look up, or give a figh or a groan, now I flow'd in tears. 1o. While he thus anfwered me, Job ix. 16. and I feem'd fhy of believing the news that were fo good, and fo unexpected, he creat ed peace by the fruit of his lips, Ifa. lvii. 19. by the word, and as it were forc'd it upon my foul, and shed abroad his love in my heart. Rom. v. 5. 11. Hereon I remembred all my former ways, which the Lord had formerly discovered to me, and was afham'd for them, and even confounded, now when the Lord was pacified. Ezek. xvi. 61, 63. When he told me he would blot out and forget, then I had the most distinct and affecting remembrance: Jer. xxxi. 19. Like Ephraim, when I was turned, I repented, I fmote on my breast, I was afham'd and even confounded; becaufe I bare the reproach of my youth,' and of my former ways. But this shame was not that difpiriting fhame accompanied with diftruft, and inclining to hang down the hands: But an ingenuous concern, and blufhing for wretched unkindness, like that of the prodigal when his father met him. 12. Hereby my fpirit was made tender, and I was put upon a refolution of walking mournfully before him in the bitterness of my foul. Ifa. xxxviii. 15. 13. Hereafter while this discovery of forgivenefs and peace by it continued, I was made in some measure watchful of returning again to folly. Pfalm lxxxv. 8. 14. I was quickned to duty. Pfalm li. 13. Then will I teach tranfgreffors thy ways, and finners fhall be turned unto thee." 15. While

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While this lafted and was not marr'd by fin again, the fins of others, and every provocation by whomfoever done, I could mourn over it. Rivers of tears were ready to run down mine eyes, becaufe tranfgref fors keeped not God's law. Pfalm cxix. 136. 16. Hereon the confcience being purged, I now recovered that filial boldness of entering into the Lord's prefence by the blood of Jefus Chrift. Heb. x. 19, 22. Yet with nuch tenderness and aw upon my foul. Ifa xxxviii. 15, 16, 19. Finally, hereby my foul was much weaned from all things elfe, and endeared to the Lord. To this cafe the Lord frequently brought me. And now alas! while I more rarely attain unto this exercife of repentance and faith in fuch liveliness, as then I oft did, I am made many times to wifh as to this repentance, That it were with me as in months paftJob xxix. 3. though I dare not to wifh for the occafi, ons of it again. At that time when I was affaulted with boisterous lufts, and foiled by them and my confcience defiled with guilt, the Lord did frequently lift me up, yea lift me fweetly up.

11. To prevent mistakes, I fhall fubjoin a few obfervations concerning this exercife. 1. Though at fometimes the Lord carried on this work gradually even as to time; yet at other seasons, all this was done, as it were at once and in a moment. The Lord as he did to David in one breathing fpeaking fin and peace. Sam. xii. 7, 13. 2. There was a very great difference as to degrees in this work, fometimes convictions and humiliation was deeper, and difcoveries of forgiveness clearer, and the exercife of faith and repentance more lively, and fometimes lefs fo.. Jude 22. But whenever God did throughly recover from any grievous fall, all things in fubftance were found. Ifa. xxviii. 27. 3. This was not always of alike continuance, fometimes through my own fault, I quickly loft the jewel; And provok'd him at the red-fea. Pfalm cvi, 7: 4. Though God, to punish me for my wick

ednefs, fometimes let me feek peace long before I got it; yet at fome feafons, to fhew the fovereignity of his grace, and that I might not pretend, That it was my feeking that mov'd him to fhew mercy, he furpriz'd me immediately upon the back of my fin, before ever I had thought in the leaft what I had done, and gave me fuch a look, as made me weep bitterly. Luke xxii. 62. And when it was thus, it deeply affected my foul, and fill'd me with the most deep felfloathing and deteftation, and the highest wonder at the riches, freedom, and aftonishing fovereignity of grace. 5. There is one thing I may obferve with grief of heart, That the most terrible enemies are not the most dangerous. At that time I was attacked with fins that were eafily known to be fins, my confcience was easily convinced of them, and alarm'd with them and thereby was more deeply exercifed, and fought more after diftinct difcoveries of forgivenefs, which. were attended with all these pleafant effects; fince that the Lord in fome measure broke these lufts, I have been affaulted with lefs difcernible evils, fins under the mask of duties, and thefe fecretly devour my ftrength, and rarely and difficultly are they discovered in their exceeding finfulness, and fo when it is much needed, I am more a stranger to that ftate of repentance. But as I fee I need it, fo the Lord knows I long to be brought into it, and to be humbled, efpecially for fecret and hidden fins that wafted the ftrength. Oft have I been made to think of this, that all the excufes mentioned in the parable of the fupper, that kept them that were invited from clofing with the offer, were taken from occafions in themfelves lawful. Matth. xxii. 5. And no doubt, the excufes whereby the Lord's own people are kept from that nearness, that is their duty and intereft to seek after, flow from the fame things; I have found them far the more dangerous and hurtful hindrances.

12, The Lord by fuch exercifes inftructed me