Part III. the creatures in aiming at his glory fhould find their own falvation; this endeared the Lord and his ways exceedingly. Thus the Lord fweetly led me, by a view of help fuited to my cafe, to a difcovery of his glory in my falvation, helping me to place things, in fome measure, at least in with and design in their own order, and give his glory the preeminency that was its due: But this only by the by. Now I go on. II. A third difcernible effect of this discovery was, with refpect unto the Lord's yoke, his precepts; 2 Cor iii. 18, beholding his glory, I was changed into his image, and made to look on his yoke as cafie, and his burden as light, Matth xi. 29. and to count that his commandments were not grievious, 1 John v. 3. but right concerning all things; Pfalm cxix. 128. This was very far contrary to my former temper. Now the reality of this change appear'd, and evidenced it felf even amidst all temptations, flips, yea, and relapfes into the fame fins, feveral ways; i: I now came to a fix'd perfwafion, that the law was not only just, fuch, againft which I could make no reason, able exception; but holy, fuch as became God, and good, Rom vii. 12. fuch as every way was fuited to my true intereft, and peace, and advantage, which I could never think before. 2dly, Though I found fin that dwells in me oppofing ftill, yet I delighted after the inward man in the law, as boly, juft, fpiritual and good. Rom vii. 20, 22. 3. I faw the command, ment to be exceeding broad, Pfalm cxix. 96. Spiritual and extenfive, and was delighted with it. Rom. vii. 14. 4. The duties that my heart had the greatest averfion to formerly, were now made eafie, pleafant and refreshing Rom viii. 7, 8, 6. Formerly I could not think fpiritual mindednefs could be eafy to me or any other: But now when I attain'd it in fome meafure, for fome time, as firft after this. discovery I did, I found it life and peace; and on the contrary contrary carnal mindedness was as death. 5. I was made to fee a peculiar beauty in thofe laws in particular that crofs'd those fins which had the firmest rooting in my temper, and the greatest advantage from my circumstances, and occafional temptations: Pfalm xviii. 23. And though all these advantages ftill continued, and rather grew, yet my heart was fo ftrangely altered, that no fins were fo hateful; upon the account of none did I loth myself so much, no fins was I fo glad of victory over, or longed I fo much for the ruin of, or did I cry fo much against, or complain so frequently of to the Lord,and fet myself more against; my mind was continually engaged in contrivances for their ruin, which formerly I fought still to have fpared. And if the Lord would have given me it in my choice, to have the laws that crofs'd them razed, or to let them ftand, he knows I would have thought the law lefs pleafant, lefs perfect, if these had been wanting. Phil. iii. 7. Thus what things were gain, I now counted dung, and endeavoured to keep myself from mine iniquity; Pfalm xviii. 23. and I could never think myself happy till these were pluck'd out, which were before as the right eye. Matth. v. 29, 30. 6. I took delight in others, or in myself, only in fo far as there appear'd any thing of a felf denied, humble conformity to the law of the Lord, fuch I counted as the excellent of the earth; Pfalm xvi. 2, 3. and I was glad when I got near them in any the meaneft inftance. 7. My foul frequently spent itself in fuch breathings after conformity to the law of God, as the cxix. Pfalm is fill'd with throughout, Psalm cxix 5, 20, 33, 112. O that my ways were directed to keep thy ftatutes, my heart breaketh through the longing it hath to thy commands at all times, incline my heart that I may keep them always unto the end,' and the like. 8. This appear'd further in a fix'd diflike of the leaft inconformity to the law, either in myself or others. Now, albeit I was not al ways ways fuitably affected with my own or others breaches yet this was my burden; I wish'd always that rivers of tears might run down my eyes, because I, or other tranfgreffors kept not God's Law. Pfalm cxix. 136. 9. Even when fin prevail'd, and I was afraid to be ruined, when that which was ordained for life, proved death to me, even then my liking to the law, and value for conformity continued, all this notwithstanding I confented to the law, that it was holy, juft and good. Rom vii. 10, 16. 10. The fins which through the force of temptation I frequently relapfed in, yet were, and I durft appeal to the fearcher of hearts as to the truth of this, what I would not do: That is, what the constant bent of my will (when not under the immediate force of a temptation, Rom vii. 12. when I was not myfelf) was set against. 11. Now nothing appear'd more fatisfactory in heaven, than a profpect of being there, fatisfied with his likeness. Pfalm xvii. 15. 12. I looked on the remainder of fin, as my greatest mifery and burden, and that which made me truly a wretched man, Rom vii 24. and daily cry for deliverance. In a word, I faw that if I could reach conformity to God's law, I would have pleafure, and peace, and liberty. Prov iii, 17. All wifdom's ways are ways of peace, her paths pleafantnefs, her commandments not grievous,' I John v. 3. her yoke light, and nothing uneafie, but that remaining unfubdued corruption thatwould not ftoop to put its neck under the yoke. Matth xi. 39, 30. This effect was the most difcernible of any under temptations, and has stood me in the best stead. 12. A fourth difcernable effect of this difcovery, was the exercise of evangelical repentance, which was very different in many refpects from that forrow I before was acquainted with. 1, In its rife, forrow formerly flowed from difcoveries of fin, as it bringson wrath now it flowed from a fenfe of fin, as con. taining wretched unkindnefs in one, who was afton ishingly ishingly kind to an unworthy wretch. I looked upon him whom I had pierced, and mourned, Zach xii. 10. O! What an unkind wretch am I, to provoke fuch a God, who has followed me with fo much mercy, and yet offers kindness? 3. Sorrow formerly wrought death, 2 Cor vi. 10. alienated my heart from God, and fo difpirited for duty, and made me fear hurt from him: But this forrow fill'd my heart with kindness to God, to his way, fweetned my foul, and endeared God to it. It flowed from a fenfe of his favour, to an unworthy wretch that deferved none, and was thus a godly forrow leading to kindness to God. drawing near to him, but with much humble fense of my own unworthinefs, like the returning prodigal, when he faw his father coming to meet him. Luke xv. 30, 21. 3. The more God manifefted of his kindness, the more this still increased; when he was pacified, I was afhamed and confounded. Ezek xvi. 63. After I was turned, I repented, I Imote upon my breaft, and was afhamed and confounded for my strayings. Jer. xxxi 19. 4. The forrow I had before I look'd on as a burden,it was nothing but a felfish concern for my own safety, and a fear of being made to feel the effects of a righteous refentment of God, But this forrow was fweet and pleasant, as being the exercise of filial gratitude, and I took pleasure in the furprizing manifeftations of God's favour to one fo unworthy, and in acknowleging my own unworthinefs. Pfalm lxxiii. 22, 23. A fense of my ingratitude when kept within, covered me with blushes, and I was eas'd when the Lord allowed me to vent my sense of it, and pour it as it were in his bofom. 5. This forrow was a spring of activity in the way of duty, and I was glad to be employed in the meaneft'earrand that might give opportunity to evidence how deeply I refented my former difobedience. Luke xv. 19. Make me as one of thy hired fervants. 6. In a word, it had all the marks in fome measure, which the a pof postle gives of the exercife of this grace. It was a godly forrow, coming from God, it led to God, as always what comes from him in a way of grace, leads to him in a way of duty. It wrought repentance unto life, not to be repented of: 3 Cor. vi. 10. it iffued in a return to the way of life, and to fuch a course, as upon a review I did not repent of, but delighted in, and defired to be carried further on in. And ftill in as far as this forrow obtained, there was a liveliness in following this way, that leads to falvation or life. It wrought carefulness to avoid fin, and please God, indignation against fin, fear of offending God again, vehement defire of having fin removed, the Lord glorified, and obedience promoted: It wrought zeal for God, and revenge against myfelf and fin. It was not as former forrow, pregnant with pride, ftifnefs, and unwillingness to undergo any chastisement; but it humbled, fofined the foul, and wrought a willingness to bear the indignation of the Lord when I had finned against him. In a word, I was glad when the Lord allowed me any meafure of it, and grieved when I found it wanting, and cry'd to the prince exalted, for it, becaufe of the good effects it had, and the real advantage I found by it, with refpect unto the whole of that obedience the Lord requires: 13. A fifth difcernible effect of this discovery was, a humble, but fweet and comfortable hope, and perfwafion of my own falvation, anfwerable to the clearnefs of this difcovery, that is, rifing in ftrength, or growing more weak, and lefs difcernable, as the difcoveries of the way of falvation were more or lefs clear and ftrong. Now because this is what I take for gospel affurance with the worthy doctor Owen, I fhall give fome further account of it, as I found it then and fince. 1. When the Lord gave this difcovery of his way of falvation, he fatisfied me, that it was a way full of peace and fecurity, the only fafe way whereon I might fafely venture, and hereby, as I told formerly, |