TATTLEVILLE SEWING SOCIETY. F. CROSBY. NED MADCAP, a wild, boisterous youth, from college. LUCY DE VERE and ARAMINTA FLAMBEAU, school-girl friends of AUNT MARY, a taciturn old lady, fond of Ned, her nephew. MRS. ARRACK, MRS. BONION, and MRS. RACKET, acting members of Tattleville Sewing Society. BETTY, a maid at all work. SCENE I. A room in the house of Ned's father, in which are Amanda Madcap and her two city friends. [Enter Ned-court-plaster on his face-singing loudly,] "A wet sheet and a flowing sea, And a wind that follows fast, I was Amanda. Turning to him.] Ned, Lucy De Vere and Araminta Flambeau-very dear friends, of whom you've heard me speak Ned. [Bowing. Oh, such a lark! excuse me, ladies- but I must tell you, 'Man ; you see my face, eh? Well, that flat of a Verisoft tried to dodge me in the library-got so bad that he actually ran out doors- after him go I, through the window to save time and expense- nabbed him, and stowed him away in farmer Hastings' granary. [Rubbing his hands in glee; - Miss Flambeau laughs loudly-Miss De Vere listens contemptuously.] Aman. Well done, ma chevalier!—and what do you propose doing with yourself after dinner? Can't you be at our service? Ned. Can't, 'Man, - can't, 'pon honor!- full of business every moment precious. Nahum tells me the village Sewing Society, for the dissemination of knitting-work and the propagation of scandal, holds its monthly meeting this afternoon. [Laughing.] I've nothing to serve but my country, you know, and can't refrain from paying my devoirs to them. I'll meet you in the evening, however. Au revoir. [Ned exit.] Miss Flambeau. [Laughing.] Incorrigible wag, 'Manda, is n't he? I shall set my cap for him. Miss De Vere. Will you accompany me to the library? I must reperuse my sweet Lalla Rookh. Aman. Certainly - anything. [Enter Aunt Mary, reading a note.] [Exeunt.] You are Aunt Mary. aware that the monthly meeting is holden this P. M. As my girl Jane is sick, you would confer a favor on me by accommodating me with your Betty for the afternoon and evening. Your friend, Priscilla Trimmins. P. S. Have you heard that awful story about William Leggett? I shall call and tell you early to-morrow morning. P. T." [Folding the note, and placing it in her pocket.] Betty must go —'t is such a good object! [Calls.] Betty! Betty. [Entering.] Did you call, mum? Aunt M. Yes-you may go over to Mrs. Trimmins and help her about the Sewing Society this afternoon. Betty. [Courtesying.] Yes, mum. [Going.] Aunt M. Here, Betty—as I can't go myself, here's a pair of all wool socks you may give Mrs. Trimmins, as my contribution to the benevolent association. Betty. [Courtesying.] Yes, mum. [Giving them to Betty.] [Exeunt - Betty to the right-Aunt Mary to the left.] SCENE II. A room in the house of Mrs. Trimmins. [Mrs. Trimmins-Bonion-Snivel-Arrack-and Racket, sitting round the room, knitting and sewing. A work-table, with work-basket, &c., in back-ground.] Mrs. Trimmins. Yes-I think he should be severely reprimanded — his conduct brings disgrace on our quiet village. Miss Snivel. Oh, 't is lamentable to think how our rising generations is growing into pervarsity! There's Sam Sampson, whose smoked I don't know how many cigars this week! - Tabitha Tattle told me that she had counted him fourteen times, and was purty positive once more—and Mrs. Racket. Yes-and don't you think Dorothy Jones says 't is a fact that young Merry's wife has two bran new silk dresses Mrs. Arrack. Mercy! Did you ever? [Holding up both hands.] Mrs. Bonion. What a provoking little gossip that Hannah Parrot is!—I do declare Ì never heard such a tongue in my life Mrs. R. Don't mention her name! -I'm disgusted with the whole family!—such a supercilious, good-for-nothing we Mrs. T. Don't talk so rudely, Mrs. Racket-don't!should always love our neighbors, you know. I'm heartily opposed to all manner of abuse. Miss Snivel, did you hear how Deacon Brackett's darter talked sarcy to her mother last Wednesday? Oh, she's an impudent, niggardly, slovenly vixen!-I must tell you about it All. Oh, do-do! [Dropping their work, and listening eagerly.] Mrs. T. You see, Jemima Brackett's been off and on more 'n three weeks Mrs. B. It's more 'n five - [counting her fingers] no- it's six - I remember how Mrs. R. Oh, no, don't you mind't was the day afore Salome Sprague's youngest boy was three years old Mrs. T. [Bell rings.] Who can it be? I'll run up stairs, and look out of the winder. [Enter Betty, with a bundle- all crowd around and examine.] [Exit.] Mrs. A. P'raps it may be a contribution from some of the honorary members-let 's untie it. Miss S. Let it be till Mrs. Trimmins comes her name 's on it. Mrs. R. I'm dying to see it!-I know it's something for our Serciety - I'll just peek into it! [Peeps into a corner of the bundle.] Yes't is 't is [clapping her hands] - I can see something black may be it's a present from [pausing] I wonder who? [Enter Mrs. Trimmins.] Mrs. B. Come quick, Mrs. Trimmins you. for - here's something We are confident it's for the Serciety, and we want [Mrs. T. unties the bundle carefully, and displays a pair of pants-note drops on the floor-throws them contemptuously from her- calls.] Mrs. T. (Calling.1 Betty-Bet-ty! Betty. [Entering.] Marm? Mrs. T. [Pointing to the bundle.] Who brought that bundle here? Betty. Don't know, mum 't was left on the door-stone. [Stooping down and picking up a note which had dropped.] Here be a letter, mum. [Exit.] Mrs. T. [Reading- others peeping over her shoulders.] "Having just returned from a long absence I beg leave to present you with a testimonial of my regard. The accompanying are intended for wear. A Friend." I know you, sir-I know you, Ned Madcap-and you shall suffer for this. I'll run right over and tell Miss Vinegar. [Exit.] Miss S. Who ever heard of sich imperdence? The gallers is too good for him! [Door-bell rings.] [Miss S.-exit.] - Betty. [Entering.] Miss Snivel is wanted. Mrs. A. I guess it's that oderous Miggins - I should n't wonder a bit- queer goings on in this village! Miss S. [Reentering.) Nahum Noddle-scape-gallows!-says Ned Madcap wants to know if I was aware that Tom Stacy had traded horses - and hoped I's well. His aunt shall hear of this- that she shall! [Bells ring-cries of fire-fire.] Betty. [Entering hurriedly.] Somebody's house is afire somewhere, I guess. Mrs. B. I must go-where 's my shawl? [Exeunt Betty and Mrs. B.1 Ι Mrs. A. I should n't wonder if it's Coggses' grocery · seed 'em fetching some lard lamps in there this mornin Miss S. Oh! —oh—oh - they 're exploded, for sartin! several persons must be killed and others wounded! — quick - hurry! [Exeunt.] SCENE III. A drawing-room in the house of Ned's father. [Aunt Mary knitting by a table with books.] Ned. But, my dear aunt, what else could I do in the premises? Aunt M. Why, Edward, you should have been the last one to disturb the harmony of any family. Mrs. Trimmins tells me that Ned. Oh, bang Mrs. Trimmins! - she 'd cabbage, if she could gain a proselyte by it. say the sun was a I've no faith in these old women who forget that the mouth was ever made to be shut. Then, there's Miss Snivel Aunt M. Oh, she's a dear young lady! Ned. Young lady! [Holding up both hands.1 Fates preserve us! What! that unwedded stick? Why, she can't remember her last beau 't was such a long time ago. No, no there's no use talking to me -I vowed revenge upon the whole bevy long ago. Didn't I throw 'em into an agreeable noise and confusion this afternoon? What a time, and nobody to it! Ha ha ha! [Mimicing Miss Snivel.] Several persons must be killed and others wounded! -ha! ha! ha! [Laughing loudly.] [Scene closes.] CHURCH CRITICS. EASTERN MAIL. SCENE. Twist, Squint, Ungracious, Lofty, Goodwin, Twaddle, and others, standing around the church door, after meeting. Twist. Well, Mr. Squint, what do you think of the new preacher? Squint. Why, Mr. Twist, I can't say that he pleased me; that is, he wan't what might have been expected. Indeed, I don't know but I might say I was disappointed a leetle! Twist. That's jest what I should have said myself, Mr. Squint, but you took the words out of my mouth. But, Mr. Lofty, what is your opinion? — will he do? Lofty. Will he do? Why, I must say that I have my doubts. He wore, as you all must have been pained to observe, a black cravat, and even wiped his face in the pulpit with a red bandanna. All out of taste! decidedly unclerical! To suit me, a minister may wear black gloves, but white is the only suitable color for his neckcloth and pocket-handkerchief. Besides, I should have been better pleased if his hair had been a shade lighter, and his eyes a little more animated. Goodwin. Rather particular, friend Lofty; but, neighbor Ungracious, how were you suited? He For one, I Ungracious. Not so well as I might have been. preached up too much piety and religion for me. don't want to be twitted of my sins every Sunday. Goodwin. [In a low tone.] It is a guilty conscience that speaks! Ungracious. What's that you observe? Goodwin. I was going to say that it would take more than an angel to suit everybody. Lofty. But, Deacon, there is no disguising the fact, I think, that his sermons lack depth. They are so plain and simple, that anybody may understand every word of them. Goodwin. All the better, in my opinion, for being easily understood. Lofty. It is well, I know, to have plain preaching; but then it must not be so plain as 1 ot to have some learning in it. Twist, I agree with you there, 'zactly; I've heard preachers, in my day, and not a few, neither. The fact is, now we are going to have a railroad, our village must begin to look up. His discourses had no large words in them. He did not as much as mention Jeroboam, the son of Nebat, nor any of the old patriarchs. Now, the Rev. Mr. Novelty, up river, preaches crack discourses, such as take his hearers, with their dictionaries, a whole week to find out his meaning. Twaddle. I'm of your opinion. You have hit it, neighbor, 'zactly. Besides, I guess you will be a little surprised when I tell you that he has gone and got engaged to a young miss out of town. Goodwin. He has, indeed! Why, wife picked our Jerusha for him. |