who perhaps himfelf had only an hiftorical, not an experimental, knowledge, and thew him, as I thought, the abfurdity of his creed. Thus I was more and more entangled in my falfe philofophy, and was ultimately led to adopt the most abominable maxim, that there was, perhaps, no abfolute difference between moral good and evil; and refted in the doctrine of philofophical neceffity, as taught by Shulz, of Gieridorff, whom I highly applauded and extolled. I exploded the idea of damnation, and confidered the lot of finners as only a finaller degree of happinefs; and fancied that the greateft, and most wicked criminal, fo called, was only the loweft on the fcale of virtue. The Bible was, to me, a mere tradition of men but, alas! when fhould I ceafe if I fhould mention all f did not believe! I, however, did not broach thefe my private opinions in the pulpit, or afpire after the fame of being one of the new enlightened teachers; but was always a hypocrite in the holy place when I preached the most effential doctrines of the Gofpel, efpecially the great doctrine of the atonement. Yet I must confefs, that I often felt fenfations at church, which, I think, proceeded from the operations of divine grace; but thefe I foon again trampled upon. The congregations to whom I preached, or rather, before whom I played the hypocrite, could not therefore complain of me to the Ecclefiaftical Court; but I have often given great offence to my worthy patron and his confort, by introducing occafionally, in private, infidel objections against religion, to which, however, I deceit fully pretended not to confent myself. But all this my merciful Saviour, as well as they, have now pardoned and forgotten. It happened on Dec. 4, 1780, on a journey, that I fell from my horfe, and fprainel my foot very badly; notwithftanding which I was obliged to crawl on my hands and feet, in the middle of the night, for two hours together, before a carriage met me. Ifhould doubtlefs have loft my life, if God had not particularly ordered it fo, that my friends had received information of me, and concluded that fome misfortune had befallen me, which, for the first time, rendered me antive to a particular divine Providence. In thofe hours of perplexity I prayed fervently, and made many promifes to God, that I would reform my life if he would help me, After my recovery, however, which did not take place under twelve weeks, I foon returned to my old path. May May 14, 1790, I loft almost all my property, all my books and manuscripts, collected at the University, by a conflagration. I now again refolved, as God had been in this distress unspeakably merciful towards me and my family, to change my life; but, even at this time alfo, my good refolutions were not put into execution. However, I ftudied the Bible more, and without those erroneous interpretations I formerly confulted, as all my other books were destroyed. I had fuffered much, besides, in my body from ill health, which fo oppreffed my mind, that I confidered all things in the most unfavourable light. I was ashamed to fee company, as I believed every one could read the mifery of my heart. I loft my memory almoft entirely, fo that when I came from the pulpit I had quite forgotten the fubject of my difcourfe. I was advised to submit to a courfe of medicine; but refused, from a perfuafion that it could not afford me any relief. All I read in the Bible of the wicked, and of the punishments denounced against them, I applied to myfelf: on the contrary, I could not venture to appropriate any one of the gracious promises of the Gospel to myself. And now, even dismal thoughts of putting an end to my existence, in order to get rid of this torment of foul, darted through my mind. But here (through eternity, I fhall blefs my infinitely merciful Saviour for it!)-Here his divine grace feized and snatched me from ruin, and hence I particularly date the work of God in me, a poor vile finner! I was enabled to pray with fimplicity, and from the inward fenfations of my heart, nnto him; and while I am writing this, tears of joy and contrition stream from my eyes, under a fenfe of his grace and favour. I folemnly promife him, henceforth to cleave folely to him, and to make his word my directory, without disguifing it by the vain doctrines of man, especially such as I had hitherto adopted. I now began to gain fome confidence towards him, as my Lord, God, and Redeemer, who had alfo fatisfied his heavenly Father on behalf of me, a poor finner. During a fermon on Whitfunday, 1792, I had in the pulpit a gleam of hope, which I fhall not forget. The dif courfe fucceeded alfo much better than for a long time before, which aftonifhed me. I could recollect myself better, look my hearers in the face without confcious fhame, and returned home much more chearful than ufual. I now fearched the Scriptures more diligently, and they became daily more important and precious to me, and the Lord rendered こ rendered the divine word a moft falutary medicine to my foul, and even to my fickly body, fo that I could apply to myfelf, with the ftricteft propriety, grounded on abundant experience, that paffage in the Book of Wisdom, xví. 12. "It was neither herb nor mortifying plaifter which reftored them to health, but thy word, O Lord, which healeth all things." I now received one vifit of grace after another. I traced in my own heart what the Bible witneffed of it; I was af fured that my Lord and Saviour would not forfake me, and that he would accomplish the good work that he had begun. On the 24th and 25th of September, 1794, I was particularly concerned on account of my prefent fituation. On the 27th, when I arofe, I addreffed our Saviour thus: "O Lord Jefus, have mercy on me in my mifery. Thou knoweft how I have in thefe laft days moft earnestly implored thee to give me a full affurance of pardon and acceptance, and to pacify my fainting heart. I will be thine, and thine alone: Give me this day a word from thy mouth, whereby my heart may be efpecially comforted, and by which I may be affured of the full pardon of all my fins. I will receive it, as though thou itoodft before me, and O that it might be the feal of my acceptance in thee, the beloved." I then took up the New Teftament, and opened on that paffage, Mark, viii. 2. "I have compaffion on the multitude," &c. Oppofite to which was verfe 23. “And he took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town; and when he had spit on his eyes, and put his hands upon him, he asked him, if he faw aught ?" On reading these inftances of our Lord's condefcenfion and grace, my heart was quite broken, tears ftreamed from my eyes; and now even while I am writing, nay as often as I think thereon, I am deeply affected. I took our Saviour at his word. "I have compaffion." I felt freedom to apply it to myself, and was encouraged wholly to rely on him. I felt as though the good Shepherd ftood himself before me, yea as though he turned in unto me, to take up his abode with me. Thus I obtained a full affurance in my heart of my redemption through his blood and death, which from that day forward, I never loft. In short, I became a happy child of God, and enjoyed inexpreffible peace, contentment and joy in my heart, which increafed daily. While reading the Bible I was often filled with amazement to find its truths verified in me, and founded in reality. VOL. V. Rr Thus Thus the words, Heb. iv. 12. "The word of God is quick and powerful, piercing even to the dividing afunder of foul and fpirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a difcerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart;" were moft completely realized in my experience. Formerly it had been a fealed book to me; but the Holy Spirit illustrated it more and more to me, and opened my understanding. I never before had read and difcovered in it what I now found; and wishing to mark the moft fignificant paffages, I underlined fentence upon fentence, and filled every page with N. B.'s, &c. About this time, the very worthy lady of Colonel de Doebritz gave me the book, "La faine Doctrine, &c." which afforded a moft delicious and ftrengthening nourishment to my foul. I found the whole of it true, having myfelf had experience of it, and having exploded my former philofophical infidelity; and my heart burned within me, as often as I read it, in a manner I cannot defcribe. After this I once happened to pass through Templeburg. Here I felt an irrefiftible impulfe to feek an acquaintance with dear brother Runze, whom I did not know at all. Immediately, during the first hour of our conversation, our hearts flowed together, and we formed, before our dear Lord, a perpetual covenant of friendship and love. I now gained daily a greater love for our Saviour; and his sufferings and painful death on the crofs, in which alone I found peace, health, and reft, were the sweetest pastures and nourifhment for my foul. Even now I address him with fervour of heart. On thy dying look, dear Saviour, On thy lovely, bleeding face. With regard to my congregation, many begin to remark that my fermons become more evangelical, and favor of the love of Jefus. Indeed I can feldom refrain from tears, when bearing teftimony of his love to poor finners, of his atoning blood and death on the crofs. I deeply feel and deplore how little I have hitl to done in this refpect. Since my new courfe of grace, i have endeavoured to pay more attention to the growing youth. Thefe I affemble every Lord's day in my houfe, and give them a word of exhortation. Efpecially on Sacrament days the young people meet together in the afternoon, and our Saviour gives me grace grace to speak to them in a feeling and parental manner. The fruit of this practice alfo begins to appear already, which excites both my gratitude to the Lord, and deep abafement of heart; and, knowing my unworthiness and utter inability, I ascribe not the least merit to myself, but all to his free grace, and take all out of his fulness. Oh that my faithful Saviour may yet draw more fouls to himself, and create in their hearts a defire after falvation. Gladly will I spend myself in bearing his meffage to mankind, and proclaim my own experience of the efficacy of his grace, inviting perifhing finners to become partakers of it. Alas, what a deplorable state of bondage is it to preach from constraint, and merely for a livelihood, confidering one's office as a burden, and rejoicing when the labour of the Lord's day is over, entirely indifferent whether the hearers are faved or not! But how is it poffible to conduct this weighty concern with fuccefs, if a man is still blind himself, and in a state of condemnation? How many fad breaches are every where to be met with in the visible church, which are in a measure to be ascribed to the teachers themselves, because they are not converted, and have not received a principle of faithfulness in the Ministry! Surely the children of God have, therefore, the moft cogent reafons to pray the Lord continually to fend faithful labourers into his harveft, feeing the number appears almoft to decrease in fore parts, though the harveft is great. H TO THE EDITOR. AVING read with much pleasure the thoughts on obtaining Miffionaries in your Magazine for this month, I have taken the liberty of offering to the friends of the Miffionary Society a few remarks on them. I would not be thought to intend, either by argument or oppofition to the writer of thofe valuable hints, to make that object a matter of controverfy, which, I truft, we both moft ardently defire to promote. With a view only to promote it, would I venture to remark that the plan of publicly nominating perfons to the miffionary work appears to me as liable to objections. I apprehend it may hurt the feelings of fome serious and valuable perfons, who appear well qualified for the work to R$ 2 all |