"How could you swear my sops were nice, "And yet those sops forsake? "How could you steal my earthen dish, "And dare that dish to break? "How could you promise lace to me, "And give it all to Nan? "How could you swear my goods were safe, "Yet pawn my dripping-pan? "How could you say, my pouting lip "Believe your cursed lies? "Those sops, alas! no more are nice; "Those lips no longer pout; "And dark and cold's the kitchen grate; "And every spark is out. "The hungry worm my master is, "His cook I now remain; "Cold lasts our night, till the last morn "Shall raise my crust again. "The kitchen clock has warn'd me hence, "I've other fish to fry; "Low in her grave, thou sneaking cur, The morning smiled; the stable boys He hied him to the kitchen grate; He stretch'd him on the hearth where, erst, And thrice he sobb'd Bet Bouncer's name, FARMER JOLTER AND HIS cow. Giles Jolter went, as village gossips tell, At length a chapman came-a bargain then And as he quaff'd his nut-brown ale, While he his joke enjoy'd, and swigg'd his "nappy," The cow might there be bought By one of those good souls who make polonies, If they can deal at a fair price, Christmas was near-prime oxen all the cry- (A very skilful man in his profession) The doctor cried, "I'll do't this very day; "You'll pay if I succeed "If not, you won't."—" Agreed." "Agreed," replied the man,-" No cure no pay." The doctor straight commenced his operation : Her shaggy hide he trimm'd, her horns he scraped; He rubb'd and scrubb'd-in short, no mode escaped, To effect the much desired renovation,In faith, the job was done to admiration; So that the crown Was soon put down, With mutual thanks and real gratulation. The owner view'd his cow with great delight; Ah! thought he, what a lucky dog was I This beast at Romford market thus to buyEgad! to sell her there I'll now endeavour; Who knows but that her former master might Still want a younger one ?-the thought is cleverI'll send her back, and try my luck, however. A salesman then he hired without delay, And off to Romford sent her the next day. Jolter was there-the cow soon met his eyeHe ask'd the price, and seem'd resolved to buy; 66 Pray, what's her age?" said Jolter, "and what breed?" "Oh, she's a young 'un, you may plainly see, "And as for breed, why she's an Alderney." "Alderney! now is she one indeed? "I likes them kind of cows the best of any. "For, as to calves, my old 'un suckled many; Meanwhile the salesman, laughing in his sleeve, The cash whose loss poor Jolter had to grieve, Our task it must be now To say what happen'd to the cow: ! Like an old resident, who knew her place, Soon as she enter'd at the cow-house door, She stretch'd her limbs, with far more ease than grace, Where many a time she'd stretch'd those limbs before. Next morn, with pail and stool came milkmaid Dolly, And roughly grasped it with her ruddy hand. The liquid would not come at her command; In vain she squeezed, but squeezing would not do, And what she did produce was mere sky blue! Doll cursed the cow-then went and told her master, He'd better kept the one with which he'd parted, For this one's milk was blue, and came no fasterIndeed poor Dolly seem'd quite broken-hearted. "What's to be done?" cried Jolter, in despair, "Canst tell, Doll, eh?"—" No, measter, I don't know." "Well, then, go fetch old master Leech, the doctor, "For summut is the matter." She went the doctor quickly came-when, lo! "A young cow, eh ?-'od rat her! "Why, 'tis the old one, farmer! you have dock'd her. "You couldn't think, by trimming the old cow "And paring down her horns, it would produce "A good supply of milk! I wonder how "You ever thought on't."-" Thought on't! What I? the deuce ! "I've sold the old'un, doctor ;--this arn't that "This is another, that I bought." "Oh, oh!" said master Leech," I smell a rat! "Why, old friend Jolter, you've been caught; "For this here cow, I'll swear, is your old Colly." "Lord! so she is !" exclaim'd the awe-struck Dolly; "Oh, gemini! was ever such a game 66 Play'd off before !-'twill be a burning shame "If measter can't have satisfaction." Jolter replied, "I'll bring an action "Against the rogue, or else mayhap I'll hang him; "I'll play the devil with him, dang him." So, off to London, anxious for success, Which must attach to him and all his race. Poor Jolter hung his head, and look'd dejected, |