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"How could you swear my sops were nice, "And yet those sops forsake? "How could you steal my earthen dish, "And dare that dish to break?

"How could you promise lace to me, "And give it all to Nan?

"How could you swear my goods were safe, "Yet pawn my dripping-pan?

"How could you say, my pouting lip
"With pearl and Hollands vies?
"And why did I, sad silly fool,

"Believe your cursed lies?

"Those sops, alas! no more are nice; "Those lips no longer pout; "And dark and cold's the kitchen grate; "And every spark is out.

"The hungry worm my master is, "His cook I now remain;

"Cold lasts our night, till the last morn "Shall raise my crust again.

"The kitchen clock has warn'd me hence, "I've other fish to fry;

"Low in her grave, thou sneaking cur,
"Behold Bet Bouncer lie!"

The morning smiled; the stable boys
Their greasy night-caps doff'd ;
Tom Ostler scratch'd his aching head,
And, swearing, left the loft.

He hied him to the kitchen grate;
But, ah! no Bet was there!

He stretch'd him on the hearth where, erst,
Poor Betty plied her care.

And thrice he sobb'd Bet Bouncer's name,
And blew his nose quite sore;
Then laid his cheek on the cold hob,
And horse rubb'd never more.

FARMER JOLTER AND HIS cow.
A True Story.

Giles Jolter went, as village gossips tell,
To Romford town his aged cow to sell;
She'd seen much service-many an Essex calf
Had drank her milk--till ten years and a half
Of Dolly's squeezing drained her almost dry;
But Jolter shrewdly guess'd some one would buy,
And the experiment resolved to try.

At length a chapman came-a bargain then
Was struck for the old cow, at four pounds ten.
Giles rubb'd his hands with glee, then homeward went,
His mind full on his lucky bargain bent;

And as he quaff'd his nut-brown ale,
And, laughing, told his dame the tale,
The lout declared, that 'twas his firm belief
The poor old cow would make rare Lunnun beef!
But ah! how little Farmer Jolter thought,

While he his joke enjoy'd, and swigg'd his "nappy,"
That he in roguery's trap might soon be caught,
And tell a dismal tale, though now so happy!
The cow's new master soon to Smithfield sent her,
As the best place to gain by the adventure;
For, possibly, he thought

The cow might there be bought

By one of those good souls who make polonies,
Who're not particularly nice,

If they can deal at a fair price,
What sort of flesh they buy, or what the bone is.
But it appears the sausage trade was dull-

Christmas was near-prime oxen all the cry-
The market, too, it seems, was over-full;
So the old cow was pass'd unheeded by,
Until a cow-regenerator spied her,

(A very skilful man in his profession)
Who said at once, the moment that he eyed her,
For just one crown he'd put her in possession
Of all her former smooth and sleeky looks,-
In short, he'd make her young again!" Gad-zooks,"

The doctor cried, "I'll do't this very day; "You'll pay if I succeed

"If not, you won't."—" Agreed."

"Agreed," replied the man,-" No cure no pay." The doctor straight commenced his operation : Her shaggy hide he trimm'd, her horns he scraped; He rubb'd and scrubb'd-in short, no mode escaped, To effect the much desired renovation,In faith, the job was done to admiration; So that the crown Was soon put down,

With mutual thanks and real gratulation. The owner view'd his cow with great delight; Ah! thought he, what a lucky dog was I This beast at Romford market thus to buyEgad! to sell her there I'll now endeavour; Who knows but that her former master might Still want a younger one ?-the thought is cleverI'll send her back, and try my luck, however.

A salesman then he hired without delay, And off to Romford sent her the next day. Jolter was there-the cow soon met his eyeHe ask'd the price, and seem'd resolved to buy; 66 Pray, what's her age?" said Jolter, "and what breed?"

"Oh, she's a young 'un, you may plainly see, "And as for breed, why she's an Alderney." "Alderney! now is she one indeed?

"I likes them kind of cows the best of any.
But 'pon my soul, she looks by half
More like my old 'un's calf!

"For, as to calves, my old 'un suckled many;
"But what's the price? I'll deal wi' ye if I can."-
"Fifteen pounds ten's the lowest," said the man.
No sooner said than done-the cash was given,
And home to Jolter's farm the beast was driven.

Meanwhile the salesman, laughing in his sleeve,
Returned to town, and gave to his employer

The cash whose loss poor Jolter had to grieve,
Who useless found it to employ a lawyer,
As in the sequel we are bound to state,
When Jolter's tale we're call'd on to relate,
As he explain'd it to the magistrate.

Our task it must be now

To say what happen'd to the cow: ! Like an old resident, who knew her place, Soon as she enter'd at the cow-house door,

She stretch'd her limbs, with far more ease than grace, Where many a time she'd stretch'd those limbs before.

Next morn, with pail and stool came milkmaid Dolly,
Who soon uproused her old acquaintance Colly;
She pressed the source whence milk she thought would
flow,

And roughly grasped it with her ruddy hand.
But, ah! the sturdy damsel did not know

The liquid would not come at her command; In vain she squeezed, but squeezing would not do, And what she did produce was mere sky blue! Doll cursed the cow-then went and told her master, He'd better kept the one with which he'd parted, For this one's milk was blue, and came no fasterIndeed poor Dolly seem'd quite broken-hearted. "What's to be done?" cried Jolter, in despair, "Canst tell, Doll, eh?"—" No, measter, I don't know." "Well, then, go fetch old master Leech, the doctor, "For summut is the matter."

She went the doctor quickly came-when, lo!
His horse-laugh rent the air-

"A young cow, eh ?-'od rat her!

"Why, 'tis the old one, farmer! you have dock'd her. "You couldn't think, by trimming the old cow "And paring down her horns, it would produce "A good supply of milk! I wonder how

"You ever thought on't."-" Thought on't! What I? the deuce !

"I've sold the old'un, doctor ;--this arn't that "This is another, that I bought."

"Oh, oh!" said master Leech," I smell a rat! "Why, old friend Jolter, you've been caught; "For this here cow, I'll swear, is your old Colly." "Lord! so she is !" exclaim'd the awe-struck Dolly; "Oh, gemini! was ever such a game

66 Play'd off before !-'twill be a burning shame "If measter can't have satisfaction."

Jolter replied, "I'll bring an action

"Against the rogue, or else mayhap I'll hang him; "I'll play the devil with him, dang him."

So, off to London, anxious for success,
Rode Jolter, hoping to obtain redress.
His tale before the Lord Mayor he related
With unaffected woe and lengthen❜d face;
Not that he cared about the loss, he stated,
One half so much as the disgrace

Which must attach to him and all his race.
The worthy magistrate could scarce refrain
From laughing at the tale outright,
But, in a sort of sympathizing strain,
His lordship told the luckless wight,
That though he felt for Farmer Jolter's fate,
Redress he could not give him-but he'd state,
That people who hereafter want a cow,
And are not judges of the manner how
To tell her age, had better save a laugh,
If not their cash, by bringing up a calf!

Poor Jolter hung his head, and look'd dejected,
Rode back, and on the circumstance reflected,
Resolved to keep his cow, and breed another;
And, since 'twas vain to think that he could smother
The laugh created at his own expence,
Join in it too, and therein show his sense.

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