Till they were exiled from their earlier bowers, Where all was peace, and innocence, and bliss (I wonder how they got through the 23 twelve hours), Don Jóse, like a lineal son of Eve, 19 He was a mortal of the careless kind, With no great love for learning, or the Who chose to go where 'er he had a mind, And never dream'd his lady was con- 24 cern'd; The world, as usual, wickedly inclined To see a kingdom or a house o'erturn'd, Whisper'd he had a mistress, some said two, But for domestic quarrels one will do. 20 Now Donna Inez had, with all her merit, A great opinion of her own good qualities; But-Oh! ye lords of ladies intellectual, Inform us truly, have they not hen-peck'd you all? Don Jóse and his lady quarrell'd-why, Not any of the many could divine, Though several thousand people chose to try, 'Twas surely no concern of theirs nor mine; I loathe that low vice-curiosity; But if there's anything in which I shine, "Tis in arranging all my friends' affairs, Not having, of my own, domestic cares. And so I interfered, and with the best Intentions, but their treatment was not kind; I think the foolish people were possess 'd, For neither of them could I ever find, Although their porter afterwards confess'd But that's no matter, and the worst's behind, For little Juan o'er me threw, down stairs, A pail of housemaid's water unawares. Neglect, indeed, requires a saint to bear it, 25 A little curly-headed, good-for-nothing, And such, indeed, she was in her moral ities; But then she had a devil of a spirit, And sometimes mix'd up fancies with And let few opportunities escape 21 This was an easy matter with a man Oft in the wrong, and never on his guard; And even the wisest, do the best they can, Have moments, hours, and days, so unprepared, That you might "brain them with their lady's fan;'"1 And sometimes ladies hit exceeding hard, And fans turn into falchions in fair hands, And why and wherefore no one understands. 22 'Tis pity learned virgins ever wed With persons of no sort of education, Or gentlemen, who, though well born and bred, Grow tired of scientific conversation; head, I'm a plain man, and in a single station, 11 Henry IV, II, 3, 19. 26 And mischief-making monkey from his birth; His parents ne'er agreed except in doting Upon the most unquiet imp on earth; Instead of quarrelling, had they been but both in Their senses, they'd have sent young master forth To school, or had him soundly whipp'd at home, To teach him manners for the time to come. Don Jóse and the Donna Inez led For some time an unhappy sort of life, Wishing each other, not divorced, but dead; They lived respectably as man and wife, Their conduct was exceedingly well-bred, And gave no outward signs of inward strife, Until at length the smother'd fire broke out, And put the business past all kind of doubt. 27 For Inez call'd some druggists and physicians, And tried to prove her loving lord was mad,1 1 Lady Byron consulted physicians in regard to her husband's supposed insanity. Then advocates, inquisitors, and judges, grudges. 29 And then this best and meekest woman bore With such serenity her husband's woes, Never to say a word about them more- rose, And saw his agonies with such sublimity, 34 That all the world exclaim'd, "What magnanimity!" 30 No doubt this patience, when the world is damning us, Is philosophic in our former friends; "Tis also pleasant to be deem'd magnani mous, The more so in obtaining our own ends; And what the lawyers call a "malus animus'' 1 Conduct like this by no means comprehends: Revenge in person 's certainly no virtue, But then 'tis not my fault, if others hurt you. 31 And if our quarrels should rip up old stories, And help them with a lie or two additional, I'm not to blame, as you well know-no more is 1 malice aforethought According to all hints I could collect From counsel learned in those kinds of laws (Although their talk's obscure and circumspect), His death contrived to spoil a charming cause; A thousand pities also with respect To public feeling, which on this occasion Was manifested in a great sensation. But ah! he died; and buried with him lay The public feeling and the lawyers' fees: His house was sold, his servants sent away, I ask'd the doctors after his diseaseHe died of the slow fever called the tertian, And left his widow to her own aversion. LORD BYRON 36 Whate'er might be his worthlessness or 40 The languages, especially the dead, worth, Poor fellow! he had many things to wound him, Let's own since it can do no good on earth It was a trying moment that which Standing alone beside his desolate hearth, er'd round him: No choice was left his feelings or his pride, 41 Save death or Doctors' Commons1-so he died. 37 Dying intestate, Juan was sole heir To a chancery suit, and messuages and Which, with a long minority and care, Inez became sole guardian, which was fair, An only son left with an only mother 38 Sagest of women, even of widows, she paragon, And worthy of the noblest pedigree: (His sire was of Castile, his dam from Aragon). Then for accomplishments of chivalry, He learn'd the arts of riding, fencing, gunnery, 42 And how to scale a fortress-or a nunnery. 43 39 But that which Donna Inez most desired, And saw into herself each day before all The learned tutors whom for him she hired, Was, that his breeding should be strictly Much into all his studies she inquired, Arts, sciences, no branch was made a mystery To Juan's eyes, excepting natural history. common dining hall of the Associa- 44 dwelling houses, with adjacent buildings and The sciences, and most of all the ab struse, The arts, at least all such as could be said His classic studies made a little puzzle, Who in the earlier ages raised a bustle, But never put on pantaloons or bodices; His reverend tutors had at times a tussle, And for their Eneids, Iliads, and Odysseys, Were forced to make an odd sort of apology, For Donna Inez dreaded the Mythology. Lucretius' irreligion is too strong For early stomachs, to prove whole- I can't help thinking Juvenal was wrong, good, For speaking out so plainly in his song, So much indeed as to be downright rude; And then what proper person can be partial To all those nauseous epigrams of Martial? Juan was taught from out the best edition, The ode re- |