Though this you'll not allow, yet sure you may Then sure Camillo's conduct you'll approve: Wou'd you not do as much for one you love? Wedlock's but a blind bargain at the best, You venture more sometimes, to be not half so blest. All, soon or late, that dangerous venture make And some of you may make a worse mistake. THE PROVOKED HUSBAND. BY VANBURGH & CIBBER. PROLOGUE. SPOKEN BY MR WILKS. THIS play took birth from principles of truth, see Not only what you are, but ought to be: Resolved to bring licentious life to shame. Luxuriant scenes, unprun'd, or half contrived; Not scenes that would a noisy joy impart, If then (for hard you'll own the task) his art Masqueraders, Constable, Servants, &c. The Scene, Lord Townly's House, and sometimes Sir Francis's Lodgings. SCENE I-Lord TowNLY's Apartment. Lord TOWNLY solus. ACT I. Lady Town. Oh! This world is not so ill bred as to quarrel with any woman for liking it. Ld Town. Nor am I, madam, a husband so well bred, as to bear my wife's being so fond of it: in short, the life you lead, madam- Lady Town. Is to me the pleasantest life in the world. Ld Town. I should not dispute your taste, madam, if a woman had a right to please nobody but herself. Ludy Town. Why, whom would you have her please? Ld Town. Sometimes her husband. Lady Town. Why then, we are agreed, my Why did I marry?-Was it not evident, my plain, rational scheme of life was impracticable, with a woman of so different a way of thinking?Is there one article of it that she has not broke in upon?--Yes--let me do berjustice her reputation--that--I have no reason to believe is in question--But then how long her profligate course of pleasures may make her able to keep it--is a shocking question! and her presumption while she keeps it --insupportable! for on the pride of that single virtue she seems to lay it down as a fundamental point, that the free indulgence of every other vice this fertile town affords is the birth-lord-for if I never go abroad 'till I am weary right prerogative of a woman of quality Amazing! that a creature so warm in the pursuit of her pleasures should never cast one thought towards her happiness-Thus, while she admits no lover, she thinks it a greater merit still, in her chastity, not to care for her husband; and while she herself is solacing in one continual round of cards and good company, he, poor wretch, is left at large, to take care of his own contentment-Tis time, indeed, some care were taken, and speedily there shall be--Yet Jet me not be rash-Perhaps this disappointment of my heart may make me too impatient; and some tempers, when reproached, grow more untractable.-Here she comes--Let me be calm a while. Lady Town. Comfortable! and so, my good lord, you would really have a woman of my rank and spirit stay at home to comfort her husband! Lord! what notions of life some men have! Ld Town. Don't you think, madam, some ladies notions are full as extravagant? of being at home which you know is the case is it not equally reasonable not to come home 'till one's weary of being abroad? Ld Town. If this be your rule of life, madam, 'tis time to ask you one serious question. Lady Town. Don't let it be long a-coming then-for I am in haste. Ld Town. Madam, when I am serious, I expect a serious answer. Lady Town. Before I know the question? Ld Town. Psha-Have I power, madam, to make you serious by entreaty? Lady Town. You have. Ld Town. And you promise to answer me sincerely? Lady Town. Sincerely. Ld Town. Now then recollect your thoughts, and tell me seriously why you married me? Lady Town. You insist upon truth, you say? Ld Town. I think I have a right to it. Lady Town. Why then, my lord, to give you, at once, a proof of my obedience and sincerity -I think -I married- -to take off that restraint that lay upon my pleasures while I was a single woman. Ld Town. How, madam! Is any woman under less restraint after marriage than before it? Lady Town. O, my lord! my lord! they are quite different creatures! Wives have infinite liberties in life, that would be terrible in an unmarried woman to take. Ld Town. Name one. Lady Town. Fifty, if you please-To begin, then, in the morning- -a married woman Lady Town. Yes, my lord, when the tame may have men at her toilet, invite them to dindoves live cooped within the penn of your pre-ner, appoint them a party in a stage-box at the cepts, I do think 'em prodigious indeed! Ld Town. And when they fly wild about this town, madam, pray what must the world think of 'em then? play, engross the conversation there, call 'em by their Christian names, talk louder than the players--from thence jaunt into the city— take a frolicksome supper at an India house Ld Town. Custom, madam, is the law of fools, but it shall never govern me. Lady Town. Nay, then, my lord, 'tis time for me to observe the laws of prudence. Ld Town. I wish I could see an instance of it. Lady Town. You shall have one this moment, my lord; for I think, when a man begins to lose his temper at home, if a woman has any prudence, why- -she'll go abroad 'till he comes to himself again. [Going. Ld Town. Hold, madam--I am amaz'd you are not more uneasy at the life you lead! You don't want sense, and yet seem void of all humanity; for with a blush I say it, I think I have not wanted love. Lady Town. Oh! don't say that, my lord, if you suppose I have my senses. Ld Town. What is it I have done to you? What can you complain of? Lady Town. Oh! nothing in the least. 'Tis true, you have heard me say I have owed my lord Lurcher an hundred pound these three weeks -but what then-a husband is not liable to his wife's debts of honour, you know--and if a silly woman will be uneasy about money she can't be sued for, what's that to him? As long as he loves her, to be sure, she can have nothing to complain of. Ld Town. By Heaven, if my whole fortune thrown into your lap could make you delight in the cheerful duties of a wife, I should think myself a gainer by the purchase. Lady Town. That is, my lord, I might receive your whole estate, provided you were sure I would not spend a shilling of it. Ld Town. No, madam; were I master of your heart, your pleasures would be mine; but different as they are, I'll feed even your follies, to deserve it--Perhaps you may have some other trifling debts of honour abroad, that keep you out of humour at home--at least it shall not be my fault, if I have not more of your company. -There, there's a bill of five hundred and now, madam- Lady Town. And now, my lord, down to the ground I thank you--Now am I convinced, were I weak enough to love this man, I should never get a single guinea from him. [Aside. Ld Town. If it be no offence, madamLady Town. Say what you please, my lord; I am in that harmony of spirits, it is impossible to put me out of humour. Ld Town. How long, in reason, then, do you think that sum ought to last you? Lady Town. Oh, my dear, dear lord! now you have spoiled all again! How is it possible [ should answer for an event that so utterly depends upon fortune? But to shew you that I am more inclined to get money than to throw it away-I have a strong possession, that with this five hundred I shall win five thousand. Ld Town. Madam, if you were to win ten thousand, it would be no satisfaction to me. Lady Town. O! the churl! Ten thousand! What! not so much as wish I might win ten thousand !- -Ten thousand! O! the charming sum! What infinite pretty things might a woman of spirit do with ten thousand guineas! O' my conscience, if she were a woman of true spiritshe-she might lose 'em all again. Ld Town. And I had rather it should be so, madam, provided I could be sure that were the last you would lose. Lady Town. Well, my lord, to let you see I design to play all the good housewife I can, I am now going to a party at quadrille, only to piddle with a little of it, at poor two guineas a fish, with the duchess of Quiteright. [Exit Lady TownLY. Ld Town. Insensible creature! neither reproaches or indulgencies, kindness or severity, can wake her to the least reflection! Continual licence has lull'd her into such a lethargy of care, that she speaks of her excesses with the same easy confidence, as if they were so many virtues. What a turn has her head taken!-But how to cure it—I am afraid the physic must be strong that reaches her--Lenitives, I see, are to no purpose-- -Take my friends' opinion-Manly will speak freely-my sister with tenderness to both sides- -They know my case- -I'll talk with 'em. Enter a Servant. Serv. Mr Manly, my lord, has sent to know if your lordship was at home. Ld Town. They did not deny me? Ld Town. Very well; step up to my sister, and say I desire to speak with her. Serv. Lady Grace is here, my lord. [Exit Serv. Enter Lady Grace. Ld Town So, lady fair; what pretty weapon have you been killing your time with? L. Grace. A huge folio, that has almost killed me-I think I have half read my eyes out. Ld Town. O! you should not pore so much just after dinner, child. L. Grace. That's true, but any body's thoughts are better than always one's own, you know. Ld Town. And your ladyship's inquiry into the reason of those orders shews, at least, it was not a matter indifferent to you. L. Grace. Lord! You make the oddest constructions, brother! Ld Town. Look you, my grave Lady Grace -in one serious word-I wish you had him. L. Grace. I can't help that. Ld Town. Ha! you can't help it! Ha, ha! The flat simplicity of that reply was admirable. L. Grace. Pooh! you teaze one, brother. Ld Town. Come, I beg pardon, child--this is not a point, I grant you, to trifle upon; therefore I hope you'll give me leave to be serious. L. Grace. If you desire it, brother; though, upon my word, as to Mr Manly's having any serious thoughts of me-I know nothing of it. Ld. Town. Well--there's nothing wrong in your making a doubt of it--But, in short, I find, by his conversation of late, that he has been looking round the world for a wife; and if you were to look round the world for a husband, he's the first man I would give to you. L. Grace. Then whenever he makes me any offer, brother, I will certainly tell you of it. Ld Town. O! that's the last thing he'll do; he'll never make you an offer, till he's pretty sure it won't be refused. : of merit makes his addresses, good sense may give him an answer without scorn or coquetry. L. Grace. Hush! he's here. Enter Mr MANLY. Man. My lord, your most obedient. Ld Town. Dear Manly! yours-I was think ing to send to you. Mun. Then I am glad I am here, my lordLady Grace, I kiss your hands!--What! only you two! How many visits may a man make, before he fall into such unfashionable company? A brother and sister soberly sitting at home, when the whole town is a-gadding! I question if there is so particular a tête-a-tête again the whole parish of St James's! L. Grace. Fie, fie! Mr Manly, how censorious you are! Man. I had not made the reflection, madam, but that I saw you an exception to it.-Where's my lady? Ld Town. That, I believe, is impossible to guess. Man. Then I won't try, my lord. Ld Town. But 'tis probable I may hear of her by that time I have been four or five hours in bed. Man. Now, if that were my case, I believe I should- -But I beg pardon, my lord. Ld Town. Indeed, sir, you shall not: You will oblige me if you speak out; for it was upon this head I wanted to see you. Man. Why then, my lord, since you oblige me to proceed- -if that were my case-I believe should certainly sleep in another house. I L. Grace. How do you mean? Man. Only a compliment, madam. Man. Yes, madam, in rather turning myself out of doors than her. L. Grace. Don't you think that would be going too far? Man. I don't know but it might, madam; for, in strict justice, I think she ought rather to go than I. L. Grace. This is new doctrine, Mr Manly. Man. As old, madam, as love, honour, and obey! When a woman will stop at nothing that's wrong, why should a man balance any thing that's L. Grace. Now you make me curious. Pray, did he ever make any offer of that kind to you? Ld Town. Not directly; but that imports nothing he is a man too well acquainted with the female world, to be brought into a high opinion of any one woman, without some well-examined proof of her merit yet I have reason to believe that your good sense, your turn of mind, and your way of life, have brought him to so favour-right? able a one of you, that a few days will reduce him to talk plainly to me; which as yet (not withstanding our friendship) I have neither declined, nor encouraged him to. L. Grace. I am mighty glad we are so near in our way of thinking; for to tell you the truth, he is much upon the same terms with me. You know he has a satirical turn, but never lashes any folly without giving due encomiums to its opposite virtue; and upon such occasions he is sometimes particular in turning his compliments upon me, which I don't receive with any reserve, lest he should imagine I take them to myself. Ld Town. You are right, child: when a man L. Grace. Bless me! But this is fomenting things. Man. Fomentations, madam, are sometimes necessary to dispel tumours; though I don't directly advise my lord to do this- -This is only what, upon the same provocation, I would do myself. L. Grace. Ay, ay! You would do! Bachelors wives, indeed, are finely governed. Man. If the married men's were as well-I am apt to think we should not see so many mutual plagues taking the air in separate coaches! L. Grace. Well, but suppose it your own case: Would you part with a wife, because she now and then stays out in the best company? |