not imagine, unless your own indiscretion, or that of your correspondents, has betrayed you. Certain however it is, that the Pretender's invasion did not spread a more general consternation through this city, than has been occasioned by the bare apprehension of this visit from your worship. Being resolved myself upon knowing how far the report deserved credit, I made it my business to trace out one of your correspondents in town. Here, however, I should never have succeeded in gaining the intelligence I wished for, if I had not feigned myself to be also one of the emissaries employed by Simon Olivebranch; which stratagem so threw him off his guard, that he not only confessed to me that he expected you in a few days, but took me into his study, and exposed to me all his lists, memorandums, documents, and communications of all sorts, and particularly a kind of moral stocks, arranged according to the prices they seemed to have fetched in the market at different times since the publication of your paper. By the scale preserved by this partial financier, it appeared, that many of the vices which were wont to bear a premium, had sunk considerably in value, while the virtues had maintained a progressive advancement. He observed to me, that a very rapid fall had taken place in the price of Immorality since the belief of your intended visit to the capital had become general. Notwithstanding all this, however, as far as I can remember of the scale, it ran nearly thus:

Hypocrisy, 10 per cent prem. Bonds, 73, 4, 1-16

Upon the whole, with the omnium-gatherums, scripts, discounts, &c. it appeared, that the funds and credit of Virtue were gradually rising, but that still the advantage rested with its opposite. Now, sir, I am firmly persuaded that this is a very uncandid statement, and calculated to answer some jobbing interests of his own. Be assured, that both these accounts are fallacious: for this century past virtue has maintained an uniform ascendancy, nor has its credit been at all enhanced by the news of your approaching visit. To disabuse you of so material an error, and to fortify you against any future attempts to deceive you, I will here give you a brief account of the condition of the capital at this moment.

Religion was never in so flourishing a state; insomuch that the most enlightened begin to find that they can do very well without going to church; and the few that persist in frequenting it, perceive that they already know as much, and act as virtuously, as their teachers. Religion is at the same time rendered more portable and attainable than formerly, by being rid of the incumbrance of morality, which is now discovered to be a branch entirely disconnected with it, and to belong wholly to the sentiment of honour. As in other attainments we have systems of instruction calculated to make every man his own broker, every man his own gardener, &c. so, in religion, we are soon to see the effects of our present principles of philosophy, in making every man his own parson; and, indeed, grand preparations have been making for it in the late practice of cropping the hair, in imitation of the ministers of the Gospel. This cropping system too, you will observe, has been extended to Christianity itself, and has cut away a quantity of those rules and obligations with which it used to be embarrassed,

whereby it has gained an easier introduction into the beau monde.

The arts and sciences have been cultivated with a similar success, and have unaccountably extended their empire to the minutest concerns of life. Our very fans and cards bear testimony to the truth of this observation; and botany, history, and geography, are now acquired through such familiar mediums, that a lady may be culling simples behind her fan, and have her whole hortus siccus about her, in the midst of a room full of company; or regale her fancy with the odours of Arabia, while, in less perfumed sighs, her lover is whispering his nothings in her ear. In the mean time, some new sciences have been incorporated, such as that of boxing, animal magnetism, archery, and such like productive and useful attainments; while architecture has met with extraordinary encouragement, in the present plan of burning down opera-houses, theatres, and houses of parliament.

It is very pleasing to observe how some of the arts go hand in hand, and how the artists are of reciprocal benefit to one another, like the physician and apothecary, or the counsellor and attorney. Thus if I publish a book, I must call in the painter as well as the printer; for it is nothing without my own portrait, with a globe by my side, a couple of Muses to supply me with pens and paper, and a third flying off with my proof-sheets to Parnassus. Thus we are daily expecting a most splendid publication on the science of boxing, with a kit-kat of Johnson, and a beautiful miniature of Big-Ben, with a festoon of laurel between them to keep the peace.

As for the reigning fashions, I maintain that nothing can be more rational or respectable. All the young ladies are inspired with an ambition to become

mothers of families, or to appear to merit that honourable character; and thus we are to account for the swellings which lately it has been the mode to carry about with them. It corresponds admirably with the nakedness of their necks, and seems to be a natural consequence of this tempting discovery. I have no doubt but that this last custom had its origin in the magnanimity of the sex, which, while the men were exposing their necks abroad, made it seem but fair that they should be doing the same at home during the war.

If, however, notwithstanding my representations, you are determined upon coming up to town, let me exhort you to shake off theremaining rust of a college, and all the pedantry of your profession, before you put your design into execution. It will be as much as your head is worth to claim any authority among us: on the contrary, you will find it adviseable to mix with us in all our amusements, to adopt all our tastes, and to clothe yourself in all our fashions. Let us see no austerity of carriage, but strive all you can to derive your mirth and entertainment from the same sources as supply it for the most part to the inhabitants of this august city. In the mean time, read and digest this little poem, which will point out the true objects of amusement here, and prepare you for the proper relish of them.

L'ALLEGRO.

Off, blubbering Melancholy!

Of the blue devils and book-learning born,

In dusty schools forlorn;

Amongst black gowns, square caps, and books unjolly,
Hunt out some college cell,

Where inuzzing quizzes mutter monkish schemes,

And the old proctor dreams;

There, in thy smutty walls, o'er-run with dock,

As ragged as thy smock,

With rusty, fusty Fellows ever dwell,

But come, thou baggage, fat and free,
By gentles call'd Festivity,
And by us rolling kiddies, Fun,
Whom Mother Shipton, one by one,
With two Wapping wenches more,
To skipping Harlequino bore;
Or whether, as some deeper say,
Jack Pudding, on a holyday,
Along with Jenny Diver romping,
As he met her once a pumping,
There, on heaps of dirt and mortar,
And cinders wash'd in cabbage water,
Fill'd her with thee, a strapping lassie,
So spunky, brazen, bold, and saucy.

Hip here, jade, and bring with thee
Jokes, and sniggering jollity,
Christmas. gambols, waggish tricks,
Winks, wry faces, licks and kicks,
Such as fall from Moggy's knuckles,
And love to live about her buckles;
Spunk, that hobbling watchmen boxes,
And Horse-laugh, hugging both his doxies;
Come, and kick it as you go,

On the stumping hornpipe toe;

And in thy right hand haul with thee

The Mountain brim, French Liberty.

And if I give thee puffing due,
Fun, admit me of thy crew,

To pig with her, and pig with thee,

In everlasting frolicks free;

To hear the sweep begin his beat,

And, squalling, startle the dull street,

From his watch-box in the alley,

Till the watch at six doth sally;

Then to go, in spite of sleep,

And at the window cry, "Sweep! sweep!"

Through the street-door, or the airy,
Or, in the country, through the dairy ;