Containing an account how I came to be futisfied that the fcriptures are the word of God, and how temptations in reference to them were repelled. T I. O give a clear account of the issue of my temptation, it will be neceffary that I shortly recapitulate what formerly has been spoken concerning the trial, and my carriage under it. 2. This temptation did not attack me fo early as the former, but it was managed much in the fame way; fometimes my mind only hung in fufpence, and hovered in uncertainty for want of evidence proportioned to the importance of the truth for my faith to fix on: At other times, I was ftrangely haraffed with violent temptations, multiplied and fubtile objections which were throng'd daily in on my mind, by reading books full of them, by converfe with enemies to the word, by Satan's fuggeftions, which were by much the more fubtile and troublesome to me. 3. This exercife was in fome measure more perplexing than the former, because it was no lefs ruining to all fatisfying religion; the objections were much more plaufible, they were far more in number, and entertain'd by perfons of a better character, and the evidence of the truth lay farther from the reach of an unenlightned mind. 4. Before the iffue came, the Lord gave, by confiderations formerly mentioned, fometimes a merciful check unto temptations, and kept them from overwhelming me quit; of which I have formerly given fome account. 5. I tried many ways befides prayer and attendance upon ordinances; I bought, borrowed and read many. books written in defence of them, which wanted not its own folid ufe; for hereby I got a deep rational con viction viction of the truth, and fo was emboldned to plead for them against enemies, and oft-times to beat them at their own weapons; and I got many particular objections fully anfwered, and was hereby encourag'd to wait for full fatisfaction, without defpairing: efpecially one book had this use; after I had without the fatisfaction I defired, tho' not without the fruits abovemention'd, perufed many latter writings, the Lord led me to look into the fulfiling of the fcriptures, which had lyen by me neglected: And I found this more convincing than any I had read, becaufe it brought me nearer the proper evidence whereon faith should fix, than any of the reft; it discovered more of the intrinfick worth of the word than the others, and pleaded ftrongly in point of reason. 6. Yet after all this, my mind remained unfatisfied, none of thefe arguings had authority to repel temptations, being but the wisdom of men; nor on the fame account did they lay a foundation for divine faith, nor did they enlighten a darkned mind to fee the evidence of God in the word; nor were they able to rectify an indifpofed palate, and convey a taste and favour of the word of God to the foul, that was able to fatisfy me that it was fuch bread as a man might live by. Matth. iv. 4. 7. Thus it continued with me until the Lord came, and let in the fore-mentioned difcovery of his Glory into my foul, and hereby I was relieved and fatisfied as to this doubt-alfo: 1 Cor. xiv. 24, 25. The Lord had before, when I was under the convincing work of his fpirit, affected my confcience with fome fence of his authority in the word, evidencing itfelf by that convincing and condemning light and power which I difcerned and felt ; and hereby the force of the foregoing temptation was ufually broke in fome measure, when the Lord by the word did fasten on my foul á fenfe of my guilt, but this discovery of fin by the word being terrible to me, rather extorted an affent, than induc'd to a willing confent and chearful acquiefcence in the word as coming from God. But the Lord when he gave the before mention'd outgate by the word, conveying a fenfe of his authority in it, by a light and power that relieved my foul, repelled temptations, revived, compofed, comforted, and ftrongly bore up a foul before depreffed and bowed down: This made me not only give an affent, but with much pleasure acquiefce in this word as the word of life; then I found his words, and did eat them, and I rejoiced as they that find great treafure, and they were to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart: Jer. xv. 16. And hereon I was fweetly fatisfied as to the fcriptures being his word; for they did many ways evidence that they were from him... 1. All difcoveries of guilt were convey'd by them, before and fince my outgate. God by it fpoke in mine ear fins, which none, fave God that fearches the heart, could know; it made thefe fins manifeft which I knew not, no creature elfe knew. 1 Cor. xv. 25. By it the fecrets of my heart were made manifeft; and hereon 1 could not but fall down, and own that God was in it of a truth; and that indeed it was a beam from the fountain of light: For whatever maketh manifeft is light. Eph. v. 13. And that it was from him whe tries the reins, and sets our fecret fins in the light of his countenance Jer. xvii. 10. It difcerened the thoughts and intents of my heart in fuch a quick and powerful way, P/alm xc, 8. and with that authority, Matth. vii. 29. that made me own it the word of God. And now I was ready to fay, Come fee a book that has told me all that ever 1 did in my life, is not this the book of God? John iv. 29. 2. All the difcoveries that the Lord gave of his wrath were convey'd by the fcriptures; it was by them that his wrath was dropp'd into my foul, and revealed from heaven against me. Rom. i. 18, The word as the arrow of the Almighty, Pfalm xxxviii. 2. thrown 2. thrown by an omnipotent arm, pierc'd and stuck in my foul, and the poifon of it drunk up my fpirit; Pfalm xlv. 5. Job vi. 4. it was the rod of God's (trength, Pfalm xc. 2. whereby he broke and crushed me while his enemy. 3. It was by the fame word that he let in upon my foul that glorious difcovery of his being, attributes, purpofes, Rom. x. 8, 9. and his whole will in reference to my falvation by Jefus Chrift, whereof before; 2 Tim. i. 10. Tit. iii. 4. hereby he convey'd into my foul fweet and fatisfying evidences as to his being, fatisfying, confiftent, and some way God-becoming notions of his nature. Herein it was that he proclaimed his name, the Lord God merciful and gracious unto finners in Chrift; Exod. xxxiv. 5, 6, as I have before fhewed. 4. It was by the word he convey'd all thofe converting, Pfalm xix. 7. transforming, quickening, fupporting, reviving, compofing influences above-mentioned. It was his word converted my foul, while I lay in fin, Palm cxix. 50, 93. quickned me when I was dead changed me into his Image in fome meafure, 2 Cor. iii. 18. revived me and watered me, Ifa. lvii. 15. when again I was weary, fupported and ftay'd me when I was ready to faint, P/alm xx. 2. Acts xx. 35. and compofed me when I was like the troubled fea. Mark iv. 39. 5. It was by the fame word that he let in glorious discoveries of all the truths of religion where with I was now made acquainted; let me see the wonders of his law, Pfalm cxix. 17. excellent things in counsel and knowlege. Prov. xxii. 20. By it he was pleas'd to dif cover the craft, the power, the actings and designs of my enemies, and by it he fatisfied me of my doubts, let me fee his fecret defigns in my trials, and fomewhat of his defigns in many of thofe his publick adminiftrations, whereat I had before taken exception. 6. As all thefe difcoveries and influences were con veyed by the word, fo he now in the conveyance affected my confcience with this authority, and evidenc ed that his name was in it, by that light and power peculiar to God, that went along with it. Ga. iii. 2. Jer. xxiii. 29. It spake not in all thefe things as the feribes and Pharifees,the wifeft, the greateft, or the best of men, but with another fort of authority and weight, it fpake as never man fpake. Matth. vii 29. John vii. 46. Whatever it faid, either with respect to God, or my cafe, or others, my confcience was made to ftand to it, when he challenged by his word for things which I knew not to be faults, men notice not, confcience obeyed, and took the hint, and arm'd with this authority, accufed, arraign'd, condemn'd, and, as it were, executed the fentence too. Nor would it ftand to, or regard defences or pleas from any other airth. When God fpake wrath, he kindled a flame in my foul by the breath of this word, that many waters could not quench, he raised a ftorm in it, that I could neither quiet, nor row againft, fo as to get to Land. Job xxxiv. 29. The heart that before was as unconcerned as a stone at reading the word, or hearing it, now trembled and quaked. In like manner when he spoke peace he created it. Ifa. lvii. 19. He made the dead to hear, and the hearer to live. He fent his word and healed me. Pfalm cvii. 20, 29. And immediately there was a calm. The winds and seas obeyed him, at his rebuke they fled. Mark iv. 39. Temptations after it fpoke not again. When I was felf-deftroyed, selfcondemned, and by its power beat from all pleas; fo that I durft neither deny, excufe nor extenuate, nor quarrel the hardeft fentence which I dreaded moft; and was hereon caft into the greatest agony of trouble, when I was ready to fay with Job, If I had called, and he had answered me; yet would I not believe that he had hearkned to my voice. Job ix. 16. When with him I refufed to be comforted, and fcarce did think |
