LITERARY INTELLIGENCE.

A BREACH OF ETIQUETTE ;

OR,

DAY v. WHITTAKER.

It is pretty well known that the house of Messrs. LONGMAN and Co. of Paternoster Row, obtained an ex parte injunction, a considerable time since, against the house of Messrs. WHITTAKER and Co. of AveMaria-Lane, for publishing a Work entitled "The SCIENCE of Etiquette",-it being alleged that the said book was a piracy from a Work published by Messrs. LONGMAN and Co., called "HINTS on Etiquette." (DAY, the Plaintiff, be it observed, is only a nom de guerre). The trial, which had been unfairly protracted, and vexatiously delayed, took place on Wednesday last, at the Court of Queen's Bench, Guildhall,-Sir W. Follett being Counsel for the Plaintiff; and the Attorney General for the Defendant. The evidence will, of course, have been perused by our readers in the daily papers; we therefore come at once to the decision. DENMAN Summed up briefly, and ably; and the Jury, without deliberating two minutes, gave their verdict for the Plaintiff-Damages ONE SHILLING!!!

Lord

Thus it appears, that though "Hints on Etiquette' is itself a gross piracy from other books (and, as the learned Judge very properly said, by no means an original book), yet the author (or rather compiler) brought an action against a fellow-offender for copying his piracies !! The verdict was anticipated by all the bystanders at an early hour of the day (the trial lasted six hours and a half), and was received with feelings of unmixed satisfaction. The Jury appeared quite ignorant that their verdict saddled the Defendant with the costs, or it is more than probable their judgment would have been reversed. Unfortunately for the Defendant, his book was bound in green cloth, with gilt edges, which made it somewhat similar in resemblance to the Plaintiff's-hence the nominal verdict for the latter. By way of climax,-we may add that "Hints on Etiquette," price 2s. 6d., published by LONGMAN and Co., bears ample evidence to the fact of the compiler's having first carefully read, (of course not COPIED from) "KIDD'S PRACTICAL HINTS ON THE SCIENCE OF ETIQUETTE," price 1s. 6d., which contains more than double the quantity of matter, and is the LEADING BOOK on the manners, customs, and usages of Polite Society! So much for the unneighborly feeling of the great publishing houses! We can scarcely credit such a thing in the 19th CENTURY.

By the bye, Mr. DAY, and his honorable friend the "Lady of Rank "(!) will not easily forget the trimming they received from the Attorney-General. The advice of the Lady of Rank' "not to pick your teeth with a fork," was hailed with roars of laughter; as were also several other of her pithy observations.

THE NATURALIST.

THE CHAMELEON.-This singular little animal is thus noticed by Mr. Madden, in the account of his "Travels in Turkey," &c. :-"I had a chameleon which lived for three months, another two months, and several which I gave away, after keeping them ten days or a fortnight. Of all the irascible little animals in the world, there are none so choleric as the chameleon; I trained two large ones to fight, and could at any time, by knocking their tails against one another, ensure a combat, during which their change of color was most conspicuous; this is only effected by paroxysms of rage, when the dark gaul of the animal is transmitted into the blood, and is visible enough under its pellucid skin. The gaul as it enters and leaves the circulation affords the three various shades of green, which are observable in its colors-the story of the chameleon assuming whatever color is near it, is, like that of its living upon air, a fable. It is extremely voracious: I had one so tame that I could place it on a piece of stick opposite the have seen window, and in the course of ten minutes it devour half-a-dozen flies. Its mode of catching them is very singular: the tongue is a thin cartilaginous dart,

anchor-shaped; this it thrusts forth with great velocity, and never fails to catch its prey. The mechanism of the eye of the chameleon is extremely curious; it has the power of projecting the eye a considerable distance from the socket, and can make it revolve in all directions. One of them, which I kept for some months, deposited thirteen eggs about the size of a large coriander seed; the animal never sat on them. I took them away to try the effect of the sun, but from that period she declined daily in vivacity, and soon after died."

CATS.-The following extraordinary anecdote of the sensibility of cats to approaching danger from earthquakes, is well authenticated. In the year 1783, two cats, belonging to a merchant of Messina, in Sicily, announced to him the approach of an earthquake. Before the first shock was felt, these two animals seemed anxious to work their way through the door of the room in which they were. Their master observing their fruitless efforts, opened the door for them. At the second and third door, which they likewise found shut, they repeated their efforts, and on being set completely at liberty, they ran straight through the street, and out of the gates of the town. The merchant, whose curiosity was excited by this strange conduct of the cats, followed them into the fields, where he again saw them scratching and burrowing in the earth. Soon after this there was a violent shock of an earthquake, and many houses in the city fell down, of which number the merchant's was one, so that he was indebted for his life to the singular forebodings of his cats.

CHIT-CHAT.

The MARGATE THEATRE has been taken by a number of London Performers, who have formed a 'joint stock company' for the amusements of visitors to the Isle of Thanet, during the summer season.

The QUEEN'S THEATRE, at a considerable outlay, is undergoing a change in the way of a thorough repair and decoration, and will open under the auspices and management of George SOANE, the dramatist, aided by the BONDS. SALTER is appointed stage-manager, and TULLY is the musical director. Tom GREEN-the mercurialeverlasting-evergreen-is to lead the comic division; and Miss CLIFFORD is engaged for the youthful-serious. Proposals have also been made to Mrs. HONEY, Miss MURRAY, and Mrs. WAYLETT. Efficient artistes have been provided for an effective corps de ballet; among which the names of Madame VEDY, Miss GRIFFITHS, Miss GILBERT, and other eminences are included.

The CITY OF LONDON theatre has closed for the season. An absurd paragraph has been going the round of the papers, to the effect of Mr. COCKERTON's having lost £20 per week by his speculation! This is very incorrect, he has made money.

The RICHMOND THEATRE has, as we anticipated, been taken by Miss DESBOROUGH, the accomplished pupil of Mr. BUTLER, the tragedian. Her arrangements, which are on a grand scale, are nearly completed, and the theatre will open almost immediately. Under petticoat government, the concern can hardly fail of success; for Richmond, in summer, swarms with languishing beaux and admirers of the picturesque, the sublime, and the beautiful.

TEMPLETON and Miss SHERRIFF are at present en route to Dublin, and, after a short tour through the principal Irish provinces, will return to London via Liverpool.

Miss MURRAY has made some summer engagements, by way of practice in the country; which, if report be true, are likely to combine profit with innocent diversion.

HAMMOND has three more novelties just ready for the Strand Theatre! Sam Weller, by MONCRIEFF, will be produced on Monday, and shortly afterwards two others entitled Absent without Leave, and Cupid, the little God of Love.

BUCKSTONE makes his re-appearance at the Haymarket, on Tuesday. He forms part and parcel of this theatre.

Interesting Novelties

Published by W. KIDD, 7 Tavistock Street.

A

TRIP TO EPSOM AND ASCOT RACES. By Miss Wilhelmina Flounce. Beautifully Illustrated by Cruikshank. Sixth Edition, 1s.

"An exceedingly clever and humorous little book,which will be cordially relished by all who love smart writing. The author is a lady too?"-Court Journal.

"We have here a rare compound of fun and humor. Miss Flouuce has a 'spice of the devil' in her composition, and she does not fail to use it to advantage.-The la dies must love her-the gentlemen must fear her. Cruikshank has acquitted himself to admiration-how could he do otherwise when engaged by so lovely a woman?" -True Sun.

THE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN'S ORACLE OF TASTE AND FASHION. By an Exclusive. Price 1s., with Engravings. Eighth Edition.

"By the shade of Brummell! this is an excellent performance!"-Post.

"This book is written by a wag. It overflows with fun, certainly; but it is very severe."-Herald.

Price 1s, 6d. each, with Engravings.

A HINT TO ANGLERS.-We are very fond of fish, and we are also very fond of fishing. It gives us pleasure therefore to find, from an article in the Guide' newspaper of Sunday last, that at Hampton, fish may be caught ready dressed! This saves a world of trouble, and much vexatious delay. The following is an exact transcript from the Guide:".

"HAMPTON has long been famed for its barbel, and we have known a single rod and line, roachtackle, to take eighty pounds weight. There are two fishing houses, the Lion and the Bell; the former a quiet well conducted respectable house, where, among other fish to be caught, you may catch a dish of stewed eels, that will make your mouth water every time you think of them; and wash them down with a glass of port wine, that will add seven years to your life!!"

A HINT TO MANAGERS.-If a Manager would prosper, he should close his doors whenever it suits his fancy: and when his performers apply for their salaries, he should spit in their faces. Probatum est.

1. THE BOOK OF COURTSHIP; or, Hymeneal Directory. Tenth Edition.

2. THE MATRIMONIAL SKETCH-BOOK: a Mirror for the Million. Tenth Edition.

3. THE BOOK OF MATRIMONY. Tenth Edition 4. THE BOOK OF DOMESTIC DUTIES, an Indispensable Requisite for all Young Housekeepers. Twelfth Edition.

well as sensible and instructive. The three first are "These little volumes are exceedingly humorous, as almost indispensable-to novices in particular-while the last shows how to keep house on unerring principles of economy."-Sun.

HOW TO MAKE EVERY BODY COMFORTABLE, By a Senior Wrangler of Trinity College, Cambridge. Illustrated by Cruikshank. Price 1s. 6d. A New Edition.

for a mere bagatelle, how to make one's friends 'com"A very clever and amusing little volume; showing, fortable,'-a secret well worth knowing."-Morning Post.

TEASING MADE EASY; a NEW POCKET MANUAL for all who would excel in this most fashionable of all modern accomplishments. By a Lady. Price 1s.

"Just the very thing for a brother, a sister, or a friend! Possessed of this, and a work we lately noticed, called "How to make every body comfortable," a person may wage war with all mankind, and come off, at last, victorious!"-Globe.

PANDORA'S BOX; or, THE BOOK OF ELEGANCE; a Glance at a Modern Belle's Toilette; shewing the exact manner in which the Ladies of England are "made By a Lover of Nature. Price 1s., with Engra vings. Eighth Edition.

VOL. I.-No. 10.]

HOW TO WRITE ONE'S OWN LIFE.

TO THE EDITOR OF THE "IDLER."
SIR,

When a man writes his own life, he has these advantages: he, I may suppose, has some tolerable acquaintance with his subject, a thing which was formerly thought necessary in writing; and, Sir, he will prevent an improper use of his remains. Not to expatiate on the various uses of self-life-writing, I am to inform you, that for sundry weighty reasons I am determined to write my own life; and I send you this letter, that you may, by inserting it in your valuable paper, announce to the public what they are to expect.

My plan will be in one respect different from the common. The usual practice is to say every thing that is good of one's self: now I mean to say nothing but what is bad-very bad indeed; and I had no sooner formed this resolution, than I sat down to my labors; but judge my surprise, when on reviewing my past life, I could not discover any one thing that was worth committing to paper, not an action that would even form a casualty-paragraph in a newspaper! What was to be done in such a dilemma? I looked for precedents, and found what I wanted, I found-O glorious discovery! -that when a man writes his own life, he is to put as little of his own life into it as possible, and to cram his pages with every thing else that old magazines, old newspapers, old songs and

[PRICE TWO-PENCE.

Old-Bailey trials, can furnish him with. Spirit of modern biography, I thank thee!

The memoirs, therefore, of "ME, written by MYSELF," shall embrace such a fund, such a bundle, such a heap, such a cart-load of variegated variety, as no work of the kind ever contained. Contemporaries, tremble! for yo shall add to my store-Private friends, beware! for I will drag you from your obscurity.-Pope Pius and Tippoo Saib, come forth! for ye must add to my life.

I propose, after giving a decent account of my parents, (if I can recollect them), to pass to the school in which I was educated, and give a biography of all my fellow-scholars, from the earliest accounts to the present time. This cannot fail to fill up, at least, one volume-some I shall place in reputable shops, whence they rose to high city honors, and died suddenly after eating a hearty dinner. Some I shall raise to be secretaries to great men, and state all the tricks they played, under the rose. I shall send to foreign parts to acquire riches, honors, liver-complaints, and the curses of their country. Some are to pass into the church, and, without as much religion as will lie in the corner of their eye, shall rise to great preferment. Some will be drowned in an evil hoursome fall from their horses; and a few will, no doubt, be hanged.

Some

Coming into public life, my travels will form a very interesting article-Topographical anecdotes of inns-distant views of larders-dissertations on damp sheets-handsome chamber

maids and broken-kneed horses-surprising accounts of stage coachmen-footpads-justices of the peace and turnpike collectors-All these will give an importance to my life. The critics will say, " Bless me! what a deal he has met with"-" Ay," cry the ladies, and how he could get through it all"-Yet, Lord help them! I am like my brother biographers, no more than the packthread which ties all these articles together.

But my great object must be the taverns. I shall give an account of every dinner I eatwhat it consisted of, whether under or over-done, and the conversation that passed. Genius of Boswell! I adore thee.-But here I am tempted to copy a leaf of my life, and I hope, Mr. Editor, | you will raise your price on the day you print this letter.*

April 1. Dined at the Freemasons' Tavern. "The wine is good."

A.

B.

"Fill your glasses."

C.

"Yes, Sir,"

D. "They are all filled."

E.

"Your toast, Sir?"

To return to my life.-I think I have already given you such an idea of the copiousness of my materials, that you cannot doubt my being able to raise a tolerable subscription. In conducting the latter, I shall not proceed, as my predecessors have done, by publishing a long list of names that are to be found in my life, but I shall give a promissory note to each of my subscribers, binding myself to introduce them in some shape or another in the body of my work. The public will thence see the necessity of subscribing early, as the sooner they subscribe, and the more subscriptions there are, the more full, entertaining, and interesting will my life be.

To the practice of writing one's own life there is indeed one more objection, and that of a very serious nature. It is said, and perhaps my subscribers may say it, "Your life, Mr. Editor, is a very pleasant and charming one, but it is imperfect, you have not yet finished it." -Now of all things I hate an imperfect book. I was once taken in this way, myself.—" Sir," said I to a bookseller, "this book is imperfect; it has neither beginning nor ending."—" Then,

G. "That is an excellent toast."

H.

I.

"So it is."

"Gentlemen, have you all drank it?" K. "All on my side." L. "And mine."

Conversation like this, gives one a good idea of the party; but I shall assist the reader by a few biographical notices of each. Tom and Dick, and Jack and Bill, shall not be forgotten; they shall all contribute to my life.

Volumes VI. and VII. I propose to devote to the theatres. If I don't find biography there, I know not where to find it. I have already indeed such a fund-but I must tell you of a pleasant affair which happened to me in the beginning of this season.

Stepping up to an actress of some note, I whispered in her ear:

“Yes, Ma'am—as, What is your right name? -were you ever married?-who keeps you now?

who kept you last year?-had you ever any children by Mr. A. ?-or any by Mr. B.?-or Mr. C. D. E. F. G. or H. ?-Your Life, Ma'am, your Life?"

Here she screamed out Murder!" and in five minutes I found myself at Bow Street. One swore I had attempted murder-another deponent accused me of rape. But on protesting my innocence, the mob rescued me, from a false conception of their own. "D-n me," said one of them, "I honor you for standing up for a one shilling gallery."

This request we are far too philanthropic to comply with. ED. I.

+ A common expression among Authors. The words "done into English" occur daily.

What

for it is infinite."- -But to return to the objection;-how is it to be obviated? avails it to write one's own life, if one cannot finish it? if another man must complete the work Nay, I have known an instance where twelve men have been employed in finishing an admirable piece of biography, nor could they do it without agreeing among themselves. I profess I am puzzled how to get over this objection; but I promise the public that I will consider it very deliberately. In the mean time I have to observe, that if some of those ladies and gentlemen who have written their own lives had attended more to the finishing of them, or if they had been finished by others, the world would have had no great reason to complain. Mr. Editor,

I am,

Your most obedient Servant, EGO IPSE MEI. P. S. I had forgotten to mention one thing. The work is to be printed on extra-superfine wire-wove paper, hotpressed; and is to be embellished with full length, full breadth, and circular engravings of men and things immortalised in my life. It will, moreover, be published by Mr. KIDD, of Tavistock Street.

REVIEW OF BOOKS.

Notes Abroad and Rhapsodies at Home. By a Veteran Traveller. 2 vols. Longman and Co.

This book is written by a Sir Valentine Verjuice,-one whom it is difficult, even if it be possible, to please. His opinions are singular, but amusing withal, and shew that he has made many observations on things in general.' . We offer two extracts, having some shew of truth; though the remarks on the duties of Editors are unjustly severe. Poor fellows! they have

plenty to amuse them without devoting their attention to the ravings of insane authors!—

DIFFERENCE OF OPINION AMONG CRITICS. "As even the important We does not actually multiply a critic, or even give him, like Cerberus, a leash of heads,' people may, in time, come to think that a critic is not a whit more than a solitary individual, whose opinions, perhaps, are no better entitled to deference than those of any other individual. In proof of this, we have but to look at the strangely conflicting opinions that have emanated from the different We's on the same work. After being rudely tomahawked by the Quarterly,' Mrs. Butler's book was bepraised in the Edinburg,' and also in 'Fraser,' the two latter journals being, oddly enough, of the same sentiments in regard to it. Mr. N. P. Willis, who is so belabored by one of the Albemarle Street critics, is, on the contrary, boasted of by the Great Marlborough Street editor, as one amongst his best laborers; and Willis again retorts upon his reviewer, styling him a reptile of criticism, and felicitating himself on having escaped 'the slime of his approbation.' It is strange that there should be obstinate people in the world, who refuse to submit patiently to the castigations inflicted upon them by their literary betters yet, so it is; and the editor of 'The Georgian Era' shewed himself of the number, when, after being well scourged and quizzed by The Quarterly,' he took his revenge by liberally distributing a printed statement, in which he ungraciously set forth all the blunders and falsehoods perpetrated by the reviewer. A few exposures of the kind would do no harm, and might possibly teach even the magnates of criticism to be a little more cautious in passing judgment on books and their authors. Apropos to which, I here venture a respectably antique witticism.' Talking of critics the other day with a friend- Although they are all literary J's,' said he, they may be divided into two pretty distinct classes, one of which consists of the judges, the other of the jack-ketches of literature.""

AUTHORS AND THEIR GRIEVANCES.

"A very serious injury is that inflicted by manuscripts being unjustifiably detained for months, nay, years, by the editors of literary journals, who are above their business, and quite indifferent as to the vexation and pain of 'hope deferred' they so wantonly inflict. Applications may be made again and again, without the slightest effect; and a writer may frequently consider himself lucky if he succeeds in recovering his manuscript out of their clutches; for, after waiting till his patience is wholly exhausted, ten to one he is coolly informed that it is lost. 'Multiplicity of papers offered' is the shuffling excuse generally pleaded on such occasions; but were payment for the lost MS. enforced, as it ought to be, editors of periodicals would then discover, that by adopting a methodical system, and making regular entries of every contribution, with the author's name, the date of its being received, and that of its being either sent to press or returned, no mistakes would ever occur; and they would, perhaps, save themselves a good deal of their important time, now thrown away in hunting over chaotic heaps of papers. A friend of mine once offered a long article to a certain tip-top annual, begging to have it returned as soon as perused, if not approved of. did not come back, he took it for granted that it would be printed; but no, there he found himself disappointed. In answer to his application for it, he was told that the editor was 'very sorry,' but 'really could not find it.' To which his reply was, that then the editor really must pay for it, and then his sorrow would be all the more sincere. This had its effect; for the next day's post brought the MS. that 'really' could not be found. The article was afterwards printed in another annual, and pleased so well, that it was copied into various other publications. However, there was some excuse for the editor here alluded to, because, judging from the compositions to which he attached his own name in his annual, he was a perfect ass. Little wonder, therefore, if he showed himself to possess neither the straightforward dealing of a man of business, nor the courtesy of a gentleman."

As it

THE "PETTING YOUNG LADY.

"Were we to define the petting' young lady, we should say that she is one who loves every thing which is small. The fact of being small is quite sufficient to guarantee her affections without any additional requisite whatever. So strong is this love of hers for smallness in any shape, that her favorite term for expressing intense admiration is the word 'little.' Thus, if she see a horse which pleases her, she instantly cries out What a dear little horse!' although the horse be as big as a hay-stack; if a dog, What a nice little dog!' if a house, 'What a sweet little house!' Her whole language is a compound of diminutives. Instead of saying 'mouse,' she says 'mousey;' instead of 'aunt,' 'aunty;' instead of 'shoe,' 'shoey.' The 'petting' young lady began her small existence with loving a little doll. When she was three years old, she fell in love with a little lamb, an affection which lasted till the little lamb became a large sheep, on which act of insubordination she discarded him into the hands of the butcher. Her next attachment was a little dog, till the little dog became a big dog; on which she took to a little canary and a little kitten. Of late she has been petting a little pony till it is ready to burst; and finds no delight so great as in nursing a most particularly small baby, belonging to the married house-maid, which she calls a sweet little thing, and half suffocates with hugging, at least a dozen times a day. If you call at the house, you will be sure to find her in tribulation about some favorite. Either her chicken has broke its leg, or her spaniel has shattered his constitution, by tumbling off her lap upon the rug; or her pet pig has been slaughtered for salting; or her canary has been killed by the cat. It is quite surprising what a host of troubles she has; you would fancy her the mother of a dozen children at least. And yet, with all this excessive love for animals, a hundred to one but she is unkind towards her younger sisters, if she have any. Her selfishness knows no bounds. She is always appropriating. When you call, take care how you lead the conversation to zoology. She will be sure to coax you for a little Chinese pig, or a little Andalusian cat, or a little Mexican dog, the uglier the better. A much cheaper way of gaining her regard is to kiss severally, each and all of her pets, in regular rotation. This will be sure to please her, and when you go away, she may, perhaps, eulogistically say of you, if you are particularly lucky, What a nice little

man!"

We cannot read the above, without being forcibly reminded of a beautiful, accomplished, and elegant young lady of our acquaintance, who once petted' a curl of hair, which luxuriated just behind her left ear. She used to 'cultivate'